Comments on: Politics & Religion on a First Date?

By: Sean Nortion

Sean Nortion — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 22:31:49 +0000

I can confirm this is generally a killer for me. I know at least one female I like and get along with wonderfully as friends, with whom i’ll always wonder if we might have enjoyed more had the topic not been brought up, as while I’m sure there’s other things she’s admitted my politics are the killer. I’m not terribly vocal about my politics unless it comes up or I’m trying to get the goat of a friend or family member, but it often seems to come up as does the other killer religion, especially if you’re like myself and well versed on a number of topics, but not terribly passionate about any one. Confidence is the thing most women admit finding attractive, and if you’re a jack of all trades, or nervous to reveal a passion for something non-mainstream, their faith and politics is usually something most people are fairly confident about and can converse about without thinking.

By: Angelos

Angelos — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 17:13:26 +0000

I would try to find out before the first date, about politics anyway. I don’t want to waste my time with someone I couldn’t possibly respect.

Religion, eh. I am a devout athiest. My wife is not churchy, but believes in some larger, um, thing. We go to her mother’s church on Christmas Eve, as her mom is in the choir, and it’s a pleasant enough time. Once a year, I can deal. I just choose to ignore the fairy tales.

By: Em

Em — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 13:41:41 +0000

Someone’s views on politics and religion reflects a fairly accurate picture of their values and moral standing. Both topics are subject in which I have strong opinions and I always use them as comparisons to see where people stand compared to myself and to the rest of the world.
I assume people who refuse to discuss these topics are uneducated on current events and/or embarrassed about their beliefs.
I believe it’s appropriate for me to discuss politics and religion on a first date because it’s a large part of who I am and a potential lover should assume that those types of conversations will be the norm. If they don’t like that, then we obviously shouldn’t be dating.

By: Ellie

Ellie — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 03:02:26 +0000

There are two theories I hold on politics and religion on a first date, or even when getting to know someone you would like merely to be friends with.

1. Don’t do it. Someone made a passing reference to mistakes he had felt Obama had made on a first date I had recently. I politely said that I thought Obama was being too middle of the road. As we both indicated we were interested in politics before really going on a date I felt this was safe area to discuss. We decided to agree to disagree. He made the comment at the end of the night that he looked forward to many a great discussion and essentially thought he could change my mind. I was so turned off by his lack of actual facts that it contributed to a “thanks but no thanks”.

2. Go right ahead! One of my last serious relationships began with a discussion of the role of free will vs determinism in religion. At 3am we decided to agree to disagree and get down! It was intellectually stimulating and we both found that sort of hot. A recent get together with a friend revealed him to be atheist – not a surprise – but we had a wonderful conversation about how you can be spiritual without being stupid and how I am often ashamed of religious people. It was so awesome to be on the same page as someone, even though we disagreed on our founding ideas.

My advice? Check out that facebook page and make sure you’re not walking into a date with someone who is a fan of Glenn Beck if you worship Maddow. If he is posting prayers to have a certain African-American in charge harmed in any way, and you’re a Democratic fundraiser, you probably shouldn’t go on a date.

Yes, I prescreen the men I date. You sort of have to these days.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 20:20:43 +0000

I married a Catholic (12 years of Catholic schools) who voted for G.W. Bush. Twice. These days we both consider ourselves Unitarian (although he says he’s “culturally” Catholic) and we went for Obama unanimously in the most recent election. A lot can happen in 8 years. So I would say these things should be fodder for conversation, not dealbreakers. Besides, do you really want to be with someone so closed minded that they can’t give a chance to some one who fails their ideological litmus test?

By: Bob

Bob — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:27:58 +0000

Discussing politics allows you to gauge a person’s connectivity with the world and knowledge of current events, since so much of what the Times/NPR/CNN report on relates to politics. I need to be with someone with whom I can intellectually engage. However, there is a fine line between discussing politics and sermonizing about ideology.

Even still, if I do somehow calmly reveal that I’m an Obama socialist, and the other person wants nothing to do with it, doesn’t that speak volumes about his or her closed-mindedness?

By: Christine

Christine — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:01:41 +0000

Sure , why not ? Would you rather spend the entire date talking about trivial things, such as movies and reality TV ? I would much rather know what someone thinks about politics or faith than the latest episode of Survivor. They don’t have to mirror my opinions to get a second date , I am just happy if they have an opinion, and an open mind. Yes it is possible to have both.

By: tonyb

tonyb — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 17:21:50 +0000

Once went on a date with a woman who had a “magic happens” bumper sticker on her car. Should’ve known, there wouldn’t be a second date. Did have a conversation on how Wal-mart was ruining the country…this was AFTER we saw a Wal-mart truck and i said”Man, I love Wal-mart….”
I met my wife in church, so I knew we on the same page there. As far as politics, didn’t realize SHE is more conservative than I am, until recently, and we’ve been married for 10 years.

By: Leigh

Leigh — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:43:55 +0000

I don’t think it’s as cut-and-dry as saying, “None of this, that or the other on a first date.” You want to be on your best behavior, of course, and probably don’t want to get into a heated debate with someone you just met but, above all, be honest. If you’re Albany Citizen Two or something and politics is your main interest then you probably don’t want to hide that information. That’s you! I always tell people I’m an ordained minister (thanks to the interwebs,) just in case they need someone to marry them or give spiritual advice. ;) Ha.

By: Lola

Lola — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:38:20 +0000

Discussing politics or religion on a first date wouldn’t be an issue for me. For that fact, I might even be more intrigued by a man that would initiate conversation on this. If we didn’t share the same views I wouldn’t dismiss him as a potential mate. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all in the delivery, not so much what they believe or value, it’s the extremism of it and how they project that belief that would be a red flag for me.

Maybe I’m the weird one, (and probably why I can’t get a date :-) )but I would find it much more interesting to discuss those topics than Kate Gosselin’s latest haircut. I like people that have some depth and enjoy a nice and solid exchange that opens both our minds a little.