I’ve been noticing something that I not only find disheartening, but reminds me just how far I have to go to become a better person.

Many of my friends, perhaps to vent frustration at circumstances beyond their control, have taken to Twitter to express their frustrations.

Griping on the internet. Shocking, I know.

In these particular instances, though, they end up taking it out on complete strangers. Examples include but aren’t limited to insulting an employee at a retail outlet or restaurant for not meeting your standards for personality, griping about someone’s aroma at the gym, or openly mocking someone’s choice of attire because it’s out of season or some such nonsense.

I’m not casting judgement on those of you who have done this. Like I said, I myself am guilty of the offenses I describe, and in particular the specific examples I provided. I’ve even done things in the past to actively and passively encourage such behavior.

But it has to stop. Roll your eyes if you will, but I’m just tired of contributing to an ever-growing growing culture of heartless cynicism.

I don’t think I would have hit this realization if it weren’t for the exponential number of followers I gained on Twitter in the laset month. It was one thing when I was Tweeting to fifty or so people and could probably rattle off each of them. They were, for the most part, personal friends. I existed online in my own vaccuum.

However, as I took the steps to increase my public profile and eventually was offered this gig at the Times Union, more and more eyes were on me. Right now I’m hovering around 650 followers. Granted, not all of them are “real” people, though the spammers I tend to block and report as they come in. So let’s say 450 to 500 of them are real, honest to God people, with roughly 350 of them local folk.

In the Middle Ages, the pillory was used to subject criminals to public ridicule and assault from passerbys. Now we use Twitter and Facebook, and no crime needs to be committed.

In a small community like ours, that’s a lot of eyes to have on you. What you say isn’t private anymore; it’s almost as if what you write goes out into the ether and God knows where it’ll land; and let’s not forget how quickly something can spread once it’s re-posted (or “ReTweeted”) by other users on Twitter.

You have to own not only your words, but your tone and intent as well. As such, I’m going to make a conscious effort not to use Twitter anymore to snipe about strangers. You never know what will get back to them, or how it will.

The targets of our anonymous aggression aren’t just obstructions placed in front of our daily routines. They, too, are just ordinary people trying to go about and get through their day. That waitress you complain doesn’t have any personality may be having a very bad day; ditto for the guy who stinks at the gym.

When it comes to employees at restaurants and retail outlets, one could make the argument that there needs to be more professionalism and that it’s on them to rise to the occasion. However, I believe that if your personal experience and/or upbringing prevents you from being able to empathize with their position, you don’t have carte blanche to make them the subject of public ridicule.

When it comes to things like Twitter and blogging, I’m of the opinion that it should be for the purpose of communication, information, organization, entertainment, and/or pure fun. Not to lock up the poor unfortunate souls that happen to cross your path in the digital pillory.

And, perhaps, it’s relevant to the issue of cyber-bullying. When we speak of the term, talk turns to the more immediate and obvious results among teenagers: becoming socially ostracized, school transfers, and in some unfortunate cases suicides. But what often isn’t discussed is that it’s a much wider problem than teenagers sending gossip on their cellphones. It’s an extension of the “me” culture that’s pervaded every aspect of our lives over the last couple decades. As children, we were raised to believe that we were special and unique creatures. This was hammered into us in such a way that self-esteem gave way to self-delusion, ego, and an undeserved sense of entitlement. We weren’t just worthy, we were better than. Every step we took was and is proof of our greatness that is worthy of documentation, and God help you if you get in the way of either the act or the promotion of it.

This isn’t a plea to make everyone into a victim. It’s a plea to be conscious of what you’re doing, and how it’s being viewed. Because a good many number of people might not have a very high value of your worth as a human being, and all because someone was having a bad day and you couldn’t keep that Tweet to yourself.

See Also: The (in)famous “People of Wal-Mart” diatribe

Related Link: J. Eric Smith on “fashion bullies” and internet negativity

REACT: Have you ever been the subject of “anonymous” ridicule by strangers or friends on the internet? Share your story.

 

24 Responses to Twitter as a Digital Pillory: How “Generation Me” Has Taken Nasty to a New Platform

  1. Will King says:

    I’m blessed with the great ability of not giving a good God damn about what anyone has to say about me.

    Well, people I don’t know at least.

    I think people just don’t have as thick of skin as they used to, maybe? I don’t know.

    As far as people not having a high value of my worth as a human being? I really don’t care.

    As long as I provide for my family, do what I think it right, and keep moving forward with my life? No one elses opinion of me is going to affect me in any way.

    That’s what I was taught as a child, not that I am special so I am better than. I was taught that the only person/people that I should bother myself with are me and my own. No sense worrying about what some other random “Joe” or “Jane” thinks of me or how I carry myself, or what clothes I wear, or why I stink at the gym.

  2. #1 (Will) – As far as that goes, I agree. However, I think there is a difference between what another person’s judgement may be and that person taking their judgement to the public at large. Personally, I wouldn’t care if a person said my writing stinks (and a lot of them do). But I would if they went on the local news and said “Kevin Marshall’s writing stinks.”

    See the difference?

    A slight exaggeration, but not by that much considering the popularity of sites like Twitter and how easily that sort of stuff is propogated.

  3. Will King says:

    I do and people should be able to be a little more strong minded.

    Someone could broadcast to the entire world that I was a bad person, or that I was really smelly at the gym, or that I hocked a loogie and spit it on the ground and I’m disgusting.

    It still wouldn’t have any effect on me other than to laugh.

    Like I said before, if my own family and friends were to say these things?

    It would probably devestate me.

    It would more likely be someone that I don’t know and wouldn’t care to know saying these things about me.

    I am secure enough with who I am as a person and how I conduct myself that I don’t care what other, random people have to say about me.

    I consider it a gift! =)

  4. derryX says:

    Needless to say, over the internet, people are a lot less inhibited. That leads to a great deal of volatility that can erupt over a blog or more recently over tweets and such.

    I used to blog back in 2004-2005 and had a really decent following. One thing led to another, and some drama that brewed between me and a close friend of mine got spun into something and contributed toward a series of events that damaged my professional career for good.

    Since I’ve sworn off going back to blogging, twitter has been a great mode of delivery for some of the humorous things that bounce in and out of my head from time to time. I’ve also gotten to know quite a few people both locally and regionally, and it’s really helped me socially in real life.

    Of course, there have been those bad apples who don’t contribute constructively and say the wrong things at the wrong time. Such is life in the digital age I guess.

  5. Ellie says:

    As a manager in retail, I’ve often had to deal with situations in which customers have complained directly to me about my staff. One such case was absolutely offensive, and a perfect illustration of just how petty folk can be. One of my associates was called at work to tell her that her mother had been rushed to the ER with heart issues. She offered to stay until someone could come to cover her as it was an oddly busy Tuesday morning and leaving would mean that I would be alone. Which isn’t safe, considering I’ve had men try to actually touch me inappropriately in my own store. Someone was enroute, and the girl probably had fifteen or twenty minutes left when she rang out an older woman who was really rude. Normally my associate would respond by killing with kindness, but she just didn’t say anything, rushed through the transaction and thought she sent the woman on her way.

    Wrong. The woman started screaming at me that my associate didn’t say anything during the transaction, only replied to her inquiries with short answers. I explained that there was a family emergency and a very sick parent involved, thinking this woman would have some empathy. She didn’t.

    That said, the internet is a great way to avoid pitfalls of bad service. I have, on yelp, warned people away from businesses and restaurants in which the service was horrendous. Not because of the staff, but because I was double charged for food I didn’t receive, not allowed to get separate checks when I had to leave for an emergency (my grandmother had a stroke and I was needed out of town ASAP), or because a mechanic broke my car and wouldn’t fix it.

    The thing is, never say anything on the internet that you wouldn’t say to your mother.

  6. Erin Morelli says:

    I could fill pages with the amount of cyberbullying/ridicule of I have not only come across but personally experienced. I also admit to not always being the victim, which is something I’m working on. The problem is that people see the internet as a sort of veil between them and others, even if it isn’t anonymous. A prime example of this is LiveJournal. I used to have a journal on there and time after time people would read into every little thing that you write and would use it as a medium to “call people out” and wage their battles because it was easier than doing it in person. This same mentality has transferred onto newer mediums like Facebook and Twitter. I’ve seen people “Like” a relationship status change from “in a relationship” to “single”. I’ve also seen people curse out coworkers or bosses and get in serious trouble or fired from work. People just think they can get away with anything online, or b/c they think it’s funny. Maybe they even just don’t fully realized the kind of reach what they write has on the internet. It also doesn’t help that the internet is very 2 dimensional, in that you can’t tell the tone in which the statement was meant to be taken. Personally, I have a really hard time with inperson confrontations, but they almost ALWAYS turn out better than online ones.

  7. Ellie says:

    @Erin

    I have liked a relationship status change to single, but only because I wanted to support the girl. She had broken up with an abusive guy, and I wanted to cheer her on. However, had someone not known the situation, they probably would have thought I was a jerk.

  8. Cute~Ella says:

    Sometimes if I’m venting about something on Twitter (or taking a poll), it’s actually to get a temperature check if I’m just in my reaction. (I realize that sometimes I have major reactions to things that aren’t a big deal.)

    I try very hard to not take out something on the person who didn’t do it to me. But I worked in customer service for years and always hated it when someone took something out on me.

  9. Ninja says:

    When people are rude in the store or restaurant I ignore it and don’t let it ruin my day, I’m a pretty open person and when I used to work in the service industry and I never let customers know how my day was going, so far as they could tell I was happy-go-lucky every day.
    I don’t care what people say about me, even if its close friends/family. Don’t hang out with me if you don’t like me. Simple as that.

  10. Amanda Talar says:

    If you don’t want to take a chance and get involved to maybe one day have someone say something negative about you, towards you, or even to you – you might as well shut off your computer, turn off your TV, crawl back into bed, pull the covers over your head and stay there until your time is up. But that sounds horrible.

    People say that celebrities are in the public eye, so they’re more apt to be ridiculed, criticized, etc. Some may even say they open themselves up to it and it’s part of the job. So, being on Twitter and Facebook is, in a way, opening yourself up to the public eye.

    So, is it OK for me to Tweet that Heidi Montag looks like a robotic disaster of the human form? But it’s not OK for me to say that my server at the Olive Garden gave me terrible service?

  11. #9 (Amanda) – Obviously, there are different approaches for different circumstances. But the scenario you’re describing is entirely different from the one I’m describing.

    Terrible or outwardly rude service may rightfully deserve criticism. I’ll let others speak on if Twitter is the appropriate place for that. What I’m talking about is more along the line of direct, undeserved ridicule of attire, personality, approach etcetera – not professional mis-steps that ruin a customer’s experience.

    There’s a marked difference between criticism and ridicule. Criticism can be constructive; ridicule can’t.

    As for being on Twitter and Facebook? That’s a question of what someone’s putting out there for public consumption, which is an entirely different question altogether.

  12. Amanda Talar says:

    True. Good points. I guess what I’m saying is, people have to be responsible for themselves, also. If you know you’re a sensitive Sally, then don’t go on your public Twitter/Facebook accounts thinking you can spew whatever it is you’re spewing and in return, you’re untouchable.

    Maybe it’s the Twitter crowd/Facebook crowd I “run with” but I don’t experience blatant ridicule firsthand on these sites. Guess the saying can be true: You’re as good as the company you keep?

  13. Naomi Seldin says:

    I’ve stopped following people who use Twitter mainly to complain, criticize or make fun of other people. The constant negativity is a turnoff. It’s not specifically because they’re on Twitter; it’s really because I try to limit the time I have to spend around negative people. It’s fine if you want to vent on Twitter; I just choose not to listen to it.

    There’s a lot of noise on Twitter, so I’ve also focused recently on following people who are relevant to my blog topic.

  14. Will King says:

    My wife un-friends people on Facebook if they complain too much.

    She even announces it to me, “ok, I see it’s time to go through my friends list again…”

  15. My two cents . . .

    Criticism of ACTIONS is one thing, (e.g. I got bad service at Olive Garden, here’s why). Such criticism can be offered acceptably and in a constructive way that may improve said actions in the future. Having said that, I would say that the BEST of all possible routes in such a scenario is not to post anything that you wouldn’t say to the offending individual directly . . . if I’m gonna complain about my Olive Garden service, you can bet that I will have shared my concerns with the server directly before I left the restaurant. And then I’ll probably change the location or lightly fictionalize the account online to make it more generic, since that’s where lessons get shared and learned.

    But criticism of IDENTITY is another thing entirely, as people can’t necessarily change who they are or what they look like. You may say “Yes they can, they can make better fashion decisions,” but that may not be economically or educationally or culturally viable for them, and those constraints are every bit as real as physical ones.

    You can tell other people that my writing stinks (and, believe me, I’ve heard that A LOT over the years), and that’s fine, it’s an ACTION, and I actually often tweak or adjust things based on reader or editor feedback. But to make nasty comments to others about my appearance or how I smell or what my skin or hair or clothing looks like is an attack on IDENTITY . . . and I never see a case where that sort of online, public commentary adds any value at all to the discourse.

    I think we all know deep inside when we’re being mean to other people or offering affirmation to other people. It’s just a matter of whether we think that the mean stuff is acceptable (or necessary) or not. Given the choice, if I can find a way to affirm in my writing, rather than being mean in my writing, I’ll generally try to do so.

  16. HopeFul says:

    We may all think these things…but then you need to ask yourself…does anybody out there really care? I sure as hell don’t care about your server, the guy at the red light, or what’s thawing for dinner tonight.

  17. Bob says:

    I think Twitter does serve a purpose in venting frustrations and empowering consumers. Have a gripe with Verizon? Direct a tweet to @MaBell or whatever their address is, and you will have a much bigger platform as opposed to sending a letter that would likely be thrown in the trash. And the same would extend to tweeting about poor customer service from a cashier or waiter, who are representatives of a business and subject to criticism if warranted. There’s a clear boundary between a legitimate complaint and a personal attack, but these new sites and tools can finally put us as consumers back in the driver’s seat.

  18. Rob Madeo says:

    OK… now I feel bad for sarcastically commenting on my bus driver listening to B95.

  19. james frederick says:

    I agree with Kevin. We need to cut people some slack. What if the server is having a particularly bad day? They just found out that their boyfriend is having sex with the cook… So, they foffer you their wine of the day or whatever the hell it is that Olive Garden always tries to sell me when I visit in a less than exciting way than they usually do… give them less of a tip. Did it really ruin your life? Have some sympathy. Maybe their mother died and they can’t afford to skip work — you probably don’t get time off for deaths when you work as waitstaff. Last I checked, people are HUMANS. And humans make mistakes — it’s part of being HUMAN. We all do it. We all deserve to be cut a little slack now and again. If you are one of those people who go around checking that other people aren’t doing a good enough job at their job, GET A LIFE! Mind your own business. Cashiers are rude because their job sucks! The pimply kid taking your order at McDonald’s messed up because it’s his FIRST job EVER! Give him a break! People in the service industry are going to screw up, because it’s demanding work and little pay. Forgive and forget. I mean, does it really effect your life that much if your breadsticks are cold?

    Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Because then you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.

  20. Jennifer says:

    @Bob I totally agree. I have had business complaints and gotten resolution from tweeting publicly that I doubt I would have gotten had I sent a letter to the company. Specifically, I had an issue with a major credit card company. I tried taking it up with them directly. Several phone calls and customer service reps and managers later, the response was basically- too bad. I sent out two tweets about it and instantly got a response from the company and a connection to a customer service rep that helped me by not only lowering my interest rate but also gave me a $100 credit for my trouble.
    And FTR, I also tweeted that they finally did the right thing by me.
    Letter writing- 0 Tweeting- $100

    That’s just one example. I have more.

    And as for tweeting about appearance, it depends. I was bored watching my kids gymnastics class and I observed that several small children were wearing pants with words across their little butts. That offends me so I tweeted it. Did the kids know I was tweeting about what their parents allowed them to wear? Unlikely. I wanted to vent and see if other people felt the same way so that’s what I did. I think that kind of observation is relatively harmless.

    I think of Twitter as a tool. It’s nice for socializing, it’s good for keeping abreast of local news and goings on and it’s good for evening the playing ground between business and consumers and holding businesses accountable for the way they are run.

  21. Kevin, there’s nothing wrong with telling mean people to knock it off, be it on the Net or off. And for the people who like to dish it out: be ready to take it if you spew any of your crap my way.

  22. Jen says:

    I’m seeing this a lot. While we’ve all made a joke in bad taste or picked on an easy target, some people seem to just dwell in the negativity and criticism. They need to create a little drama or just say hurtful things. Particularly now that the LC is archiving tweets, do you really want to go down in history as the person who constantly tweeted about what other people wore, or how they drove, or negative things about such trivial topics. (I particularly love when people tweet about someone else’s driving, while they are driving. If you’re going to tweet & drive you should probably not be criticizing anyone else’s skills.)

  23. I see things on Twitter I don’t like or agree with on occasion. Most recently it was an IM like conversation back and forth between two people that really should have been taken into a direct message. The whole twitterverse didn’t need to be party to their argument. It just made me want to log out of Twitter because things got uncomfortable.

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