Comments on: Why Marry?

By: Gman

Gman — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 15:40:36 +0000

I went through a divorce that was as cordial as such things can be. Still extraordinarily painful, and probably more so because she was the one who wanted out. But in retrospect, getting married to her was a bad move.

But I did not sour on the idea of love, and two years after my first wife and I split up, one of my best friends and I fell deeply in love. We were just as “married” from Day One, 3000 miles apart, as we were the day we took our vows three years later.

And, in many ways, the legalization of the relationship was as much to streamline all the vagaries associated with children, and survivorship and healthcare decisions…but it was just right, and we both knew it early on. How you and your love frame the relationship will be of secondary importance, but if the bond is as deep as you’d like it to be, that framework will be accepted by both of you equally and joyfully.

How do you know when you find that person? You’ll know when you save her the last shrimp, every time.

By: Roz Tofinchio

Roz Tofinchio — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 17:04:42 +0000

#13 Ash Williams is one very smart guy.

By: Teri Conroy

Teri Conroy — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:00:42 +0000

I appreciate the comments as much as the post, Kevin. You’re young…and you’ll know when (I don’t want to say ‘if’) the time comes.
Like the Reverend said, marriage is work. Or can be. Husband and I just celebrated 18 years. I think the fact that we were both independent and older (me 30, he 35) when we married was a very good thing. We respected each other’s independence then, and we continue to respect it now. We have similar interests and different ones. And THANK GOODNESS he is not the kind of husband who tags along when I shop – because I HATE shopping! (I always feel badly for the miserable looking guys sitting outside of dressing rooms waiting for their wives.)
Naomi and Mark have set a beautiful and quiet example of a great relationship and a mature beginning (hope that sounds like I mean it to sound).
I wish them every happiness.

By: Ash Williams

Ash Williams — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 19:17:04 +0000

I wouldn’t want to be looking down the barrel of 50-years-old without someone around who cares if I get up every morning.

In the end, all you’ve got is your family.

By: Albany Mom

Albany Mom — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 19:14:02 +0000

Agree with Rev Rudnick and al. I’ve been married for over 20 years and was married at an age that I would tell any of my kids was too young. It’s worked out well for me, but that’s been luck as much as anything. I think there isn’t enough counseling for folks BEFORE they get married and during the early years of marriage. Often, by the time a couple goes to counseling they have moved to a very bad place that is quite difficult to get out of.

Most people, especially young ones, don’t really understand what they are getting into. Talking seriously to long-married couples can help. When they talk honestly about their hard times and miscommunications, it can help younger couples realize that this too can be overcome. The happiest, most loving couple in the world have had problems. They’ve just learned healthy ways to deal with them, which, in the end, makes the couple even stronger.

By: B.J. Hart

B.J. Hart — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 18:20:57 +0000

Just passed the 36 year mark yesterday…so I guess it (marrige) worked well for me and my bride…but isn’t it great that everyone now has choices! Great article Kevin.

By: al

al — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:24:30 +0000

Reverend– well said! DH and I had pre-marital counseling through our church. it was helpful on some points, especially since we met with our Deacon who had been married for 40+ years (He also presided over our Catholic ceremony).
To be honest, we would have benefited from more in-depth, non-spiritual counseling.
Why not make it harder to get married? I know it’s a fundamental right and all, but a few hoops might be helpful in the long run.

By: Tony Barbaro

Tony Barbaro — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 15:27:06 +0000

Kevin, my guess is you’ll “get” the whole marriage thing when you meet the right person. Up until then it’s all a theory, when you meet the person you want to marry, you find yourself saying..”oh, I get it.”

By: Hopeful

Hopeful — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:44:04 +0000

Kevin, this post is probably the nicest thing you could give them as a wedding gift!

By: momto1

momto1 — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 14:29:26 +0000

Awwww, I love this post! Naomi writes an interesting blog, and she comes across as someone I would enjoy knowing personally.

Don’t let the experiences of other scare you away from marriage, Kevin. Would you avoid getting a college degree because of the number of students who drop out? Would you avoid saving for your future because the average American has more credit card debt than savings?