Comments on: Diagnosing NGS: Nice guy syndrome

By: luvpudders

luvpudders — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 12:49:28 +0000

There’s being a nice guy and there’s wimpy. I think online dating (advertised on TV) are a good way for all people to get together. It makes sense that someone decides they like the real you and wants to meet for an hour or two.

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 13:27:25 +0000

I’m four months late (this should surprise no one, really) but reading this, and all of the accompanying links, keeps bringing up 80’s movies in my mind. 80’s movies have warped us developmentally to think that the nice guy gets the girl, as long as he’s persistent enough (or vice-versa, gender-wise), and that the girl (or guy) suddenly, one day, opens his or her eyes and realizes “hey! my BFF was my soulmate ALL ALONG!” This can make for some crazy stalkertime behavior when the expected outcome doesn’t materialize, and some serious hurt feelings. “But…this is what I was PROMISED! Movies SAID SO!”

I need a chunk of dedicated time, and not time stolen from my employer in-between assignments, to dedicate to this, but I need to expand this into a blog post. People need to be educated to the fact that THIS DOES NOT WORK. (And can kind of lead to restraining orders. Just saying.)

By: B

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 17:33:10 +0000

This is far and away my favorite treatise on nice guys.

By: Cihan

Cihan — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 06:54:57 +0000

I’ve found that a lot of guys who claim the Nice Guy mantle aren’t particularly nice anyway. I’ve found that these guys are just passive aggressives. They can be just as disdainful or jerk-y as anyone, but they aren’t upfront about it.

How much could Toby have really cared about Zoey if he willfully and blindly pursued her despite what seems to be stark demonstrations of disinterest? Hey baby, what you want doesn’t matter, because I *am* the perfect guy for you. It’s like that sort of creepy Taylor Swift song, You Belong to Me. She basically complains that this super perfect guy is dating some girl that isn’t her, and that’s just because he doesn’t know what’s best for him. Sure, sometimes these sorts of things actually wind up being the case, but you’ll never know because you can’t be inside the other person’s head.

By: Sally

Sally — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 04:09:42 +0000

I first heard about Nice Guy Syndrome a few years ago via this website – http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

It’s a sucky situation for everyone involved.

By: Get Real ©

Get Real © — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 18:58:24 +0000

“Except nothing that the guy does is selfless. All the supposed nice guy things he does – the candy, the roses, the badgering, the begging and the pleading – aren’t favors meant to make her happy, or make her smile. They’re all actions committed with the prerequisite that he gets something in return, in particular the physical affections of his obsession.”

Really? Truly altruistic individuals are few and far in between. I’m going to quote Kat Williams on this one…

-“Women don’t like it when a man buy ‘em a drink, and then follow ‘em all over the club all night.”
-“Clap if you hate that, women, do you hate that?”
-[Applause and cheering] “see, once again, this is just a simple misunderstanding.”
-“I am not following you,I am following my $7 investment in our relationship.”
-“Now if you don’t want the drink, don’t take my investment and run off with it.'”

In my opinion, the only thing Toby did wrong was waste so much time and energy chasing a woman who wanted nothing to do with him. How hard would it have been for Zoey to say “Toby, I’m just not into you”? She could have saved him time and money.

By: Eric

Eric — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 07:56:42 +0000

There’s also the inevitable problem that the target of the NG’s affection is usually the most out-of-his league girl, who, through some sort of magic nice spell, he will wind up winning. Thanks alot, 1986’s Lucas.

Can we all at least agree that Mr. R— is a highly irresponsible teacher?

By: Eihcir

Eihcir — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:31:29 +0000

And i hope for his sake, as well as the girl that he gets it.

By: Eihcir

Eihcir — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:27:05 +0000

That article is not a description of nice guy syndrome Kevin.That person needs professional help.

By: Sab

Sab — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 22:38:40 +0000

You did a good job explaining this issue. I can think of a couple instances in which suitors made a move on me, and I politely turned them down. Instead of accepting the rejection, they tried different methods, or simply asked again later. It was uncomfortable. It’s difficult and a bit stressful to turn someone down in the first place. Having to say “no” again is even more annoying. You’re right – it’s selfish of the suitor to badger/harass a girl like that, NOT nice.

If a man is nice, but a woman doesn’t like him, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like niceness. She most likely just doesn’t like that particular man. The man needs to move on.