Adam Carolla, if He Were Talking About Black Guys

Adam Carolla is getting the wrong kind of attention from comments he made in an interview with the NY Post about women in comedy. According to him, women just aren’t as funny as dudes. NEWS TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO KNOWS FUNNY WOMEN!

The lesson you learned from a sexual harassment seminar was “Don’t hire chicks.” Do you hate working with women?No. But they make you hire a certain number of chicks, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”

The “are women funny” debate has grown very contentious. You’re not worried about reactions to this?

I don’t care. When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds. When it comes to comedy, of course there’s Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey, Kathy Griffin — super-funny chicks. But if you’re playing the odds? No.

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was? Honestly.

The interesting thing is that a common reaction I see from people isn’t shock that he’d be stupid enough to say something like this and actually believe it, but shock that this causes such an uproar. They try to poo poo it and stifle discussion by saying it doesn’t matter or that he’s just looking for attention or, even worse, that he’s actually right about this bullshit.

So I thought it might be eye-opening but more importantly A LOT OF FUCKING FUN to take those comments he made about women and how they aren’t funny and his obvious disdain for them and change it so that he’s talking about…oh, I don’t know, how about BLACK GUYS?

The lesson you learned from a RACIAL SENSITIVITY seminar was “Don’t hire BLACK GUYS.” Do you hate working with BLACK GUYS?

No. But they make you hire a certain number of BLACK GUYS, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny WHITE GUYS than funny BLACK GUYS is that WHITES are funnier than BLACKS. If my BLACK DAUGHTER has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”

The “are BLACK PEOPLE funny” debate has grown very contentious. You’re not worried about reactions to this?

I don’t care. When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds. When it comes to comedy, of course there’s DAVE CHAPELLE, BILL COSBY, TONY JACKSON— super-funny BLACK GUYS. But if you’re playing the odds? No.

If TAVIS SMILEY or SWAY FROM MTV NEWS was a WHITE dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for WHITES. What if JACKEE was a WHITE? Think we’d know who she was? Honestly.

Or what if he were talking about your beloved Smurfs?

The lesson you learned from a SMURF harassment seminar was “Don’t hire SMURFS.” Do you hate SMURFING with SMURFS?

No. But they make you hire a certain number of SMURFS, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny SMURFS is that dudes are funnier than SMURFS. If my SMURF has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to SMURF you, they can’t really SMURF you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be SMURFTASTIC.”

The “are SMURF funny” debate has grown very contentious. You’re not worried about reactions to this?

I don’t GIVE A SMURF. When you’re SMURFING a SMURF team, you’ll SMURF the SMURF over the guy with the yarmulke (GARGAMEL). Why? Because you’re SMURFING the odds. When it comes to SMURFING, of course there’s SLOPPY SMURF, CLUMSY SMURF, JOKEY SMURF — super-funny SMURFS. But if you’re SMURFING the odds? No.

If BRAINY SMURF or SMURFETTE was a HUMAN, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for HUMANS. What if PAPA SMURF was a HUMAN? Think we’d know who he was? Honestly.

Okay NOW I’M PISSED!