(Albany, NY) Hundreds of thousands of area residents, mostly panicked white people, stormed local Price Chopper stores in advance of a snow storm that was expected to drop upwards of six to eight inches of snow over the course of one to two days.

The storm, which meteorologists predict could provide as much [...]]]>

White people storm the gates at a local Price Chopper. (Photo: a SUNY Albany bro)

(Albany, NY) Hundreds of thousands of area residents, mostly panicked white people, stormed local Price Chopper stores in advance of a snow storm that was expected to drop upwards of six to eight inches of snow over the course of one to two days.

The storm, which meteorologists predict could provide as much as three to four hours of slow-ish commuting and minor inconveniences, caused panic amongst area residents. The expected shortage of bread only adds to the concern.

“It’s almost April,” said area resident Charles Banker. “And it is snowing an I am scared.”

Area politicians urged calm, with Governor Andrew Cuomo releasing a statement of solidarity from his emergency bunker underneath the Capitol.

“We have weathered many storms,” said Cuomo, “and we’ll weather this one. Though this storm is different, because it is literal, and by weather I mean actual real weather.”

Cuomo then announced that he was cutting more funds for education in advance of an expected shortfall due to the storm.

“We all have to make sacrifices,” Cuomo said. “I even had to let Sandra cook dinner.”

“These are the times that try men’s souls,” he added.

Happy April Fool’s Day!