——

Hey, what’s “Warriors?”
It’s a children’s book series. Been around since 2003 or 2004
Ohhhhhh. So they’re cat people?
[...]]]> An internal dialogue I had with myself about Warriors, the series of books about feral cats who live by a special cat code from Harper Collins.

——

Hey, what’s “Warriors?”
It’s a children’s book series. Been around since 2003 or 2004
Ohhhhhh. So they’re cat people?
Well, no. They’re just cats. Feral cats that live in forest homes and operate in clans that were created by cats like themselves. The clans are named after these cats, who developed a code of honor they all must abide.
And they wear people clothes.
No. They’re cats and they do cat things.
But while walking on their hind legs and—
—NO. THEY’RE JUST CATS.
And it’s for serious?
Yes.
Wow. I bet whoever created and writes this thing smells absolutely awful.
The author, Erin Hunter, is actually a Harper Collins creation and serves as a pseudonym for three other authors and counting. It’s overseen by an editor who was charged with creating a franchise about feral cats.
Wait, so the Editor and writers didn’t come up with the idea?
No. In fact, when given the assignment, she poo-pooed it.
Wait. There was an executive at Harper Collins who said “we must have a series of books about feral cats who travel in clans and fight each other, come Hell or high water?”
It certainly looks that way.
That’s ridiculous…but it’s, like, super popular!
Shows what we know, right?
Guess so.
Hey, have you seen the website?
No. Why?
Go to it now. Make sure your speakers are on and check out the flash intro.
*falls out of chair laughing*
Ow. My hip.
Sorry.

——

Hey, I’m not being snarky about it. It’s a book for kids and it’s wildly popular. It seems, too, like it delves into some very serious issues that its target audience isn’t ordinarily exposed to, and does so in an effective and entertaining way. I give them nothing but kudos for all of it. I just find the whole concept of this process fascinating, in that some executive not only thought this would work but that it did and then some.

I mean, look at the book covers:

Apparently, their Jesus was Morris the Cat from the old "9 Lives" commercials.

More ridiculousness after the jump.

Again with the stuffy portrait of a kitty cat that looks like it'd be hanging on the wall of a haunted house. It makes me giggle.

The cats, they have the sight. They know, and are given visions from their makers, that tell them that there is indeed Tuna Fish in that vacuum-sealed bag.

Wouldn’t you think that was a joke?

Well, if it is, then nobody’s laughing harder than the people getting the checks.

But that’s narrow-minded, judgmental nonsense. I’ll say it [...]]]>

Battle of wills

If you’re male, there’s a stigma that comes with owning a cat. There are some that see it as creepy or weird that men would willingly opt in to keeping a cat as a pet, perhaps owing to the stereotype cat owners have of being lonely women.

But that’s narrow-minded, judgmental nonsense. I’ll say it here, loudly and proudly: I, Kevin Marshall, am a cat man.

Granted, I’m also a dog man. If I see a dog, I immediately fall into a million pathetic pieces and start speaking baby-talk gibberish. So really I should say that I’m just silly for four-legged domesticated animals.

Thing is, though, dogs are high maintenance. They require the attention that someone like me – who’s always on the go – may not have time to give. Some people are just too damn busy for dogs, and I’m one of them.

A cat, on the other hand, is a perfect companion for me. My cat and I are very much alike. Like me she strikes pretentious poses, is holier than thou, rarely gets motivated, and has an undeserved sense of entitlement. Her favorite habit? Sleeping, just like me. Also, although I’m very cuddly and affectionate, I’m also potentially dangerous.

My cat Zoe and I have a bond, having lived with it for so many years (she turned 19 last month), and I was always her favorite. She became a part of my family in 1992, and when my mother decided to move down to Virginia, I inherited her and brought her with me to my new apartment. She literally has been with me for my entire adult life, and was there for my highest highs and lowest lows, purring contently on the lower-left corner of my bed. Sure, pets aren’t given a choice as to who their owner is, but she has not even made an attempt to break out and go outside in about four or five years, and that has to count for something.

I’m Kevin Marshall, and I am a cat man.