Kevin Marshall's America » CBS

Talkin’ about Jaws and s***

kevinmarshall — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 14:22:40 +0000

Stuart Scott once told Ron Jaworski that he had outfitted his ring like Dick Tracy's and that he record his ESPN radio show through it. It took Jaws a full year to figure out it was a hoax.

Jaws thinks Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne needs to get rid of the ball quicker. I mean, s***, he needs to get rid of the ball quicker!

Cue Christian Bale screaming about being a professional.

Later in the game, Jaworski apologized to colleague Mike Tirico and the listening audience.

My favorite part:
Tirico: “…okay.”
*six to eight seconds of dead air*

Rock drummer and professional private investigator Jabberjaw would probably be a better broadcaster than Jaws.

Look, I don’t care that Jaworski said “s***” on the air. In fact, I think it’s awesome, and would love for Jon Gruden to bust out with a “this f***in’ guy” or for Troy Aikman to say anything interesting, ever.

My problem is with the jock-offs outfits like ESPN, Fox, and CBS keep hiring to do these games; men whose only qualification is having played the game. That alone doesn’t make for a good announcer or broadcaster. There are people whose job and training is specifically in this sort of thing. Do we fans need – or want – these well-meaning but woefully inept ex-players in the booth?

S***, I dont’ think so.

(courtesy Awful Announcing)

CBS Chicago words of 4-year-old to make him look like an aspiring gang-banger

kevinmarshall — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 17:06:37 +0000

Myself and two (possibly three) more people are looking to rappel off the Crowne Plaza Hotel in support of the Special Olympics of New York! Have you donated yet to our cause? Your donation can get you baked goods, a portrait drawn by yours truly, and much more. Plus, you’re automatically entered to win a $25 Target gift card! Give a little, get a little. Click here for more info.

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Equal parts outrageous and sad.

Desperate for some footage to accompany a story about a shooting, CBS Chicago interviewed nearby neighborhood children to get sound bites and reaction. The video first shows the segment as it aired, then the full footage. Note that the first child interviewed is only four years old.

In the footage that airs, the clip ends with the four-year-old saying “I’m gonna have me a gun!” After another child reacts to the violence, the anchor does a head-shaking, pseudo-remorseful “that is very scary indeed” that would put Jack Aerneke to shame.

As the upload on YouTube shows and is apparent by the fact that in the aired clip you can hear the beginning of the reporter’s follow-up question (nice editing, folks), the child wants to be a police officer.

Child: “I’m gonna have me a gun!”
Reporter: “Why do you want to do that?”
Child: “I’m gonna be the police!”
Reporter: “Oh, that’s okay then!”

So what could have been a moment of brief respite, with the idea that this violence is possibly laying the foundation for this child to pursue a dream in law enforcement or somehow fight back against the criminal element in his community, is twisted and distorted to make it look like this innocent four-year-old is a little gangbanger in training.

I wish I was surprised that any news organization would stoop to this level, but the mantra has become that ratings are ratings and sales are sales. This is the sort of thing that happens when you compromise things like journalistic ethics and higher standards for the sake of numbers. Many newsrooms of various media would give no shortage of excuses (“the state of the industry made me do it!”) or cry “logical fallacy” at the inference of a slippery slope. But it’s not a slope, it’s a dam. Putting entertainment and narrative ahead of truth and journalism in any way puts a crack in that dam, and eventually that leak becomes a flood.

And we’re the ones left drowning in misinformation and an almost cartoonish disregard for standards and decency. This was inexcusable, but it was not isolated, and any outfit presenting itself as a news organization – regardless of the form it takes or its presentation – needs to be held to a much higher standard.

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Local readers will note that in the beginning there’s mention of “South Albany” – there’s a lot of fun connections between New York’s capitol and the pride of Illinois. There’s also an Albany Park neighborhood which has a street named…Troy.

Charlie Sheen’s slow motion car crash

kevinmarshall — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 12:55:10 +0000

If you haven’t already, you can still enter to win two tickets to see “A Conversation with Steve Martin” at The Palace Theater. Contest runs through Thursday at 11:59pm.

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Sheen, who has more attention than ever, needs less of it.

The last few days we’ve been inundated on television and through online outlets with various interviews with Charlie Sheen, whose public self-destruction over the course of the last year has culminated in a spectacular manic episode.

The latest included him passing a blood and urine drug test over the weekend administered by the Radar Online. The urine test is limited but covers three days potentially, while the blood test surprisingly can only capture the previous twenty-four hours.

We all know the details: he’s living with a porn star and a “model,” he’s not bi-polar he’s bi-winning, the cancellation of the remainder of the current season of “Two and a Half Men,” the anti-semitic remarks, and so on and so forth.

What concerns me most of all is how much entertainment value we’re getting out of this. When I say we, I absolutely include myself in that. I’m riveted by the coverage, even while I’m privately condemning the interviewers for encouraging his delusions of grandeur by increasing his exposure and forums.

What makes it worse is that I’ve already seen this story play out and I know exactly how it ends. Needless to say, there’s no happily ever after. Yet I still find myself sitting here examining his ramblings and picking apart points where he contradicts himself, as if that’s any great exercise. I find myself watching a slow-motion car crash, knowing full well that there are people inside that car. Except this is worse, because I find it amusing.

Perhaps, as the old Langston Hughes quote infers, we laugh to keep from crying. I just hope that he somehow defies expectations and somehow manages to see himself through to the other end of this thing.

Kevin Marshall's America » CBS

Talkin’ about Jaws and s***

CBS Chicago words of 4-year-old to make him look like an aspiring gang-banger

Charlie Sheen’s slow motion car crash

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