The quiz is meant to be tongue in cheek, and if you give more “yes” than “no” responses, it urges the [...]]]> Some groups are upset over an app for the Google Android phone titled “Is my son gay?”, which posits twenty questions to determine whether or not your child might be a homosexual.

The quiz is meant to be tongue in cheek, and if you give more “yes” than “no” responses, it urges the test-taker to “accept it!” Unfortunately, it’s offended more people than it’s amused with its presumptions of gay culture and heavy reliance on outdated stereotypes.

Besides, there are only two questions to determine whether or not your son is gay:

1. Is he attracted to men?
2. No, really, is he?

If you answered yes to both, then your son is gay.

Check out these questions, though. They range from straight-up offensive (and not in a funny way) to baffling.

• Before he was born, did you wish for a girl?
  If the answer to this is yes, then your son might be gay but you’re DEFINITELY crazy. AM I RIGHT FOLKS?
• Has he ever been in a fight?
  I know gays that were in firefights. As in the military. So this one’s bunk.
• Does he read the sports page in the newspaper?
  If the answer is yes, it’s only because of the high school sports coverage. Which as everyone knows, only High School Athletes and weird adults care about.
• Is his best friend a girl?
  If yes, then he might be gay or he might be me, the guy who used to get stuffed in the friend zone and was trapped there forever like General Zod in the Phantom Zone. If you get that joke then YOU DID TOO.
• Does he like team sports?
  Well not when you call it “team sports.” That makes it sound like a kinky fetish.
• Is he modest?
  Yeah, because if there’s one thing you can say about gay guys, it’s that they are sooooo modest. Flamboyantly so!
• Is he a fan of divas (Madonna, Britney Spears)?
  I’m woefully straight and even I said “Pfsh. Britney? Please.”
• Does he spend a long time in the bathroom?
  Wait a…oh my God. All these years I never knew it, but I’m gay too! Here I thought everyone took a shit. Turns out, nope, just gay guys!
• Does he have piercings in his tongue, nose or ears?
  This question also appears on a similar quiz titled “is your son a fucking poser?”
• Do you wonder about your son’s sexual orientation?
  I don’t have a child, but I can tell you this: when and if I do have one, the last question I will want to ask myself is “I wonder who s/he wants to fuck.”
• Are you divorced?
  …I don’t even have a quip for this because I don’t understand the source stereotype. Is this just thrown in there as a non-sequitur or what?
• Does he like musical comedies?
  If the answer is yes, he might be gay or he might be your grandfather, who was the last person alive when musical comedies were still a thing that actually happened.
• Has he ever introduced you to a girlfriend?
  Please see “is his best friend a girl?”
• Is his father a very authoritarian person?
  Also, does his father pound on the desk while screaming in the language of the fatherland?
• Within your family, is the father absent at all?
  If yes, he’s gay. Or like half the straight guys in this country.
• During his childhood, was he timid or discreet?
  Don’t allow your children to behave or they will turn gay!
• Does he have a complicated relationship with his father?
  It’s worth pointing out that Oedipus, the litmus test for complicated father-son relationships, was straight like a mother fucker. In fact, he was literally a mother fucker.
• Does he take a long time to do his hair?
  Please skip this question if your son is Italian and/or you live south of Poughkeepsie.
• Does he like to dress well: is he very careful when choosing his outfits and selecting brands?
  Or is he a goddamn slob?
• Does he like football?
  This one’s tricky, because the app was made by a French company. So they probably meant soccer, which is super gay. Careful with this one.

The Troygle team is holding a rally in support of Troy’s bid for Google’s high-speed broadband network. Not being very tech savvy, I’m not [...]]]> Firstly, let’s get this out of the way: TROY WHAT! Secondly, if you’re in or from Troy, be sure to be in Monument Square in downtown Troy this afternoon.

Be there...or Uncle Sam will find you.

The Troygle team is holding a rally in support of Troy’s bid for Google’s high-speed broadband network. Not being very tech savvy, I’m not 100% sure how it works. I think it means, though, that we’re all going to get hardwired in to an artificial central nervous system, like The Borg from “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Which means not only will we all be awesome cyborgs, we’ll also get to travel around in cubes!

That or it would provide a competitively priced alternative to wireless internet in the city at speeds over 100 times faster than the average broadband speed in the United States. I’m a little murky on the details.

Our competition is stiff and fierce. Topeka, Kansas recently went so far as to temporarily rename itself Google, Kansas. While we proud Trojans would never stoop to such shameless levels, we’ll be darned of we get shown up by Topeka.

There are plans to have over 100 people dressed as Uncle Sam. If you have an old outfit in the basement, dig it out and join in! They’ll also be passing out those flagged-up stovepipe hats much like the one adorned by Troy’s favorite son.

Also in attendance will be The Hellions of Troy along with another roller derby team (my apologies to the ladies; I honestly have no idea what the other team is).

The event runs from 5:00pm to 7:00pm. Be there!