The fact is if I become your nominee we will make the key test very simple – food stamps versus paychecks. Obama is the best food stamp president in American history. More people are on food stamps today because of Obama’s policies than ever in history. I would like to be the [...]]]>

"You're coming with me."

Oh, Newt…

The fact is if I become your nominee we will make the key test very simple – food stamps versus paychecks. Obama is the best food stamp president in American history. More people are on food stamps today because of Obama’s policies than ever in history. I would like to be the best paycheck president in American history.

Now there’s no neighborhood I know of in America where if you went around and asked people, would you rather your children had food stamps or paychecks, you wouldn’t end up with a majority saying they’d rather have a paycheck.

And so I’m prepared, if the NAACP invites me, I’ll go to their convention and talk about why the African American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps. And I’ll go to them and explain a brand new social security opportunity for young people, which would be particularly good for African American males because they are the group that gets the smallest return on social security because they have the shortest life span.

- Newt Gingrich, 1/5/2012

The arrogance in deigning tell the NAACP that black people should ask for jobs instead of food stamps is almost as astounding as the ignorance and borderline bigotry in the statement. Excessive hubris is never a more dangerous or reprehensible character trait than when it’s combined with (and exacerbated by) outright stupidity.

As I’ve pointed out before, Gingrich is actually kind of an idiot and a hypocrite. The dirty little secret of academia is that a PhD in any given field does not guarantee a person is enlightened, informed, or even intelligent. It does mean that s/he has put in a lot of hard work to achieve it, but it does not alone qualify someone as an intellectual. On a purely anecdotal note, I’m happy to tell you about PhDs I know that actually believe 9/11 was an inside job, and their degrees are rooted in modern concepts and events rather than Medieval European History.

Besides the racist tone of the statement, we also need to move discussion of economics and the economy past the level of President by first acknowledging that the effects of the mortgage crisis and collapse that occurred in 2008 (before Obama took office) was and is going to have residual repercussions that will be felt for years. People have a misconception of the economy as a wild beast whose kicks and bucks you feel immediately; a view that is unfortunately encouraged by politicians and partisan hacks. Economies, nationally and globally, are more like a large body of water. Contaminants take time to spread, and while some effects can be seen immediately, others don’t become readily apparent until some time later.

It is helpful to keep this in mind because while Obama should be taken to task for some of the policies and inactions of his first term, what’s occurring now is actually the result of literally decades of missteps, debt mismanagement, and oversights and lack of foresight in regulation of certain financial market sectors.

It is also important to understand that this current economic state is global. Though we are reared to think of ourselves as the center of the world, the effects of the crisis are far reaching and its roots are not only laid domestically. Just look at what’s happening in Europe. Even China is having some severe economic difficulties, though because of the nature of their country’s politics and notorious obscurity of their domestic issues we only have a vague concept of its depth.

And so, in short, there are four things that we can learn from Newt Gingrich, Goofus and Gallant style, with Newt as the former:

1. It’s not okay to portray blacks as being eager and willing to accept food stamps rather than paychecks.
2. The domestic economy is a bit more complicated than simply who happens to be in the White House at any given time.
3. The cause and effects are far-reaching.
4. Newt Gingrich is no intellectual.

I know, I know. For as cynical as we both are, we’re the last people that should be attempting a sojourn on the busiest shopping evening of the year. Dan, however, really wanted to go and get a TV that Walmart was heavily [...]]]> Let’s talk about mine and Dan B’s little Black Friday Eve excursion.

I know, I know. For as cynical as we both are, we’re the last people that should be attempting a sojourn on the busiest shopping evening of the year. Dan, however, really wanted to go and get a TV that Walmart was heavily advertising over the past week. He’s one of those people, unlike myself, that actually watches things like television shows and films and cares about picture quality, yet he’s been sitting on the same twenty-inch piece of crap for the last fifteen years. Seriously, you have to see this thing. It looks like the monitor for a Tandy.

I agreed to go because I needed to return shorts. A few weeks ago I grabbed a couple workout shorts that I thought were both Medium, but one was actually an XL. Oh, and moral support and my friend and companionship and blah blah. Basically the whole trip amounted to going just so we can get a first-hand account of how much we hate this bullshit.

We arrived at the Walmart—

Wait, you know what? I want you to feel mine and Dan’s aggravation towards both the ridiculousness of promoting crass consumerism on the evening of Thanksgiving and the people and things we saw there. So I’m going to go ahead and call it Wal-Marts, just to piss you off. You’ll feel like you were there!

We arrived at the Wal-Marts and immediately Dan says “this isn’t bad.” I can only guess that he was expecting random fires and gangs with post-apocalyptic mohawks and jackets with the sleeves cut off pulling knives on old ladies. But still, it was mobbed.

We went to the entrance and were greeted with “OTHER SIDE, PLEASE.” It was said to us in the tone of “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU STUPIDS.” Yet, how would we know which side had been designated as the entrance and the other as an exit? There were no signs, usually both sides serve as both entrances and exits, and because Wal-Marts had already been open for two hours, there was nobody outside. Nothing would indicate to us that it was not okay to go in the door we were trying to enter. And, in fact, no reason for us not to.

We heeded the aggressive tone of the employee and snaked our way through a comically unnecessary and complicated series of metal barricades. Dan made the comment that it was some TSA level shit. We should’ve brought a slightly darker skinned friend with me to see if we got stopped and harangued to complete the metaphor.

There were staff everywhere. I’m sorry – “Event Staff.” Because these weren’t just Wal-Marts staff, you see, but “Event Staff.” This is what it said on their bright yellow vests that they wore. Are these Wal-Marts employees? Or are they just staff brought on for this specific “Event”? Or are they mercenaries?

I went to customer service to exchange my shorts. Stood in line for twenty seconds, got rung out, was given the card with the six dollars and change on it. Boom. Done.

Then we went into the store proper. There were people just standing with empty carts, staring around the store as if they’d never seen such sights in their entire lives. A complicated system had been set up to create a line that, we eventually realized, went the entire length of the store and then looped around. That doesn’t count all the people that were still milling about and waiting for midnight sales.

After seeing that the television he wanted might not even be there and the line that awaited us, Dan exasperatedly announced that he was through.

We walked out and complained the entire way out. It was an incredible waste of time. “I can’t believe I got out of bed for this,” I said, then immediately felt a tinge of embarrassment at how incredibly depressing it sounded.

I could see myself maybe – MAYBE – doing this if I had children and there was something very specific that I knew would be available. But I just can’t wrap my head around people that willingly and enthusiastically partake in this meaningless display of self-parody. I think what annoyed me more than anything about the trip was seeing that there were tons of people just buying things for themselves; things that they don’t need. Is it really saving money if you wouldn’t have spent it in the first place? No, but that’s the black magic of marketing and retail, which perpetuates the cycle that has obliterated this country’s economy the last few decades. The problem has been for some time that we don’t make anything anymore, but rather live and die on an economic system based on retail and credit, with innovations few and far between. And for all the talk about how things need to change, we’re first in line at 10:00pm on Thanksgiving night to buy shit we don’t need with money we don’t have that will go to people that don’t need it.

But at least I got six bucks and change on a card that I can use to buy workout shorts that fit me. God bless America.

Pfeil opened in the location of the old Stanley’s. I recall making trips down there as a child, and [...]]]>

Pfeil Hardware, nustled on the corner of 3rd and State in downtown Troy.

PLUG! I just wanted to give a quick thanks to Pfeil Hardware in downtown Troy for their generous donation towards our goal of raising funds for Special Olympics New York through the Over the Edge fundraiser.

Pfeil opened in the location of the old Stanley’s. I recall making trips down there as a child, and the excitement that was had in leaving our crowded apartment for the open space of downtown and our very own department store. Then one day it was gone, and it remained vacant for the entirety of my adolescence, teenage years, and until recently my entire adult life. For me, that large empty storefront – cavernous and littered with a decade of informal repairs and dilapidated materials – exemplified the economic situation of the city. Where once there was a thriving department, there was instead for many years an empty, ghostly shell.

But now, finally, a business has occupied the space. And not just any business, but one that is steadfast in its dedication to building and becoming a part of a thriving community. Pfeil Hardware is, naturally, a business. But it can also serve as a symbol for all the positive change that has occurred in our city over the course of the last five years and the hope that things can and will be better, so long as the right people are involved.

All indications are this is definitely the case. So thanks again, Pfeil, for your continued contributions and in particular your generosity to my goal of raising funds for the Special Olympics of New York.

Also, if you get a chance, like them on Facebook.

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Check this space later today for another fundraising announcement! If you would like to donate and help us meet our goal to get thrown off the Crowne Plaza, CLICK HERE.

Effective Monday, the station will be changing its slogan to “Ladies and Gentlemen, Here is Your News.”

“We needed [...]]]>

Jim Kambrich will now wear a tuxedo while reading the news.

“Coverage You Can Trust” has been the calling card for WNYT for many years, but with an ever-changing media landscape, the station has decided to move away from it.

Effective Monday, the station will be changing its slogan to “Ladies and Gentlemen, Here is Your News.”

“We needed a change,” explains Curtis Loew, who works for the station’s marketing team. “And this was the best we could come up with.”

Along with the new slogan, changes will be made to the presentation. Rather than filming in their traditional studio, the 6:00pm and 11:00pm newscasts will instead be shot in front of a grand fireplace with anchors like Jim Kambrich and Benita Zahn presenting the news in formal wear.

“We want you to feel like you’re not hearing the news but discussing it with really really important people after a fancy dinner,” explained Loew.

Not everyone is happy with the changes, however. A source who asked not to be named has told me that Phil Bayly has refused to go along with the new format and has indicated that he’ll sit out in protest if forced to wear a tuxedo on the air.

“Phil’s too punk rock for that [stuff],” the source told me.

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Happy April Fools’ Day!