Kevin Marshall's America
I want to share an awkward moment I experienced this past weekend. Well, one of them anyway. If I shared all my awkward moments on this blog, I’d never have any time to myself.
I was at a friend’s birthday party. I hadn’t planned on staying very long; I’d been out and about for the vast majority of the day and the previous day, and didn’t really feel up to staying out and partying. Besides, I had made a good ninety minute showing, catching up with friends and making a couple new ones.
I guess what I’m saying is I’m a freaking old man, and since I don’t drink, the enticement of a party that goes into the later hours doesn’t hold the same appeal to me that it once did.
"Why ya gotta leave already, Kevin? We made jalapeno poppers on the grill and everything."
When I leave a party, I pull the exact opposite of an Irish goodbye. I understand that a stealth exit is in my culture, but the Irish Catholic in me would also carry no small amount of guilt and remorse if I didn’t let every person I knew aware that I was making my leave and had a wonderful time with them, lest they think they did something to offend me or farted and cleared me from the room or something.
As I was making my final rounds, a seemingly very nice girl who had come in twenty minutes earlier and hadn’t uttered a single word a single word to me all night exclaimed in a combination of disbelief and disapproval: “You’re leaving ALREADY?!”
I turned to her and just stared for a moment. Our eyes briefly locked, but it wasn’t one of those magic locking of the eyes so much as it was that awkward acknowledgement that all of a sudden this person is real, exists, and is something more than a passing presence in your life. Suddenly she was there, and she demanded an explanation.
And I thought to myself “well s***, what do I do now?”
This isn’t the first time this has happened. In fact, it’s pretty common, and I think the people doing it have good (if misguided) intentions. It’s an attempt to be jovial and try to make you feel welcome, as if your presence isn’t only wanted but mandatory in order to get that party properly started.
But when it’s done by folks who are literally complete strangers to you and that you can’t get a read on, it creates awkward moments like Saturday night.
I just said “…yeah, unfortunately…” in a confused manner and moved on to the next person to say my goodbye. I took my leave, silhouetted by the sunset, wondering if this girl had just been suddenly so taken by my presence that she’d be running out of my friend’s apartment crying after me.
Here’s the thing: I actually appreciate what she, and so many others, try to do. They just want us to know the party, as far as they’re concerned, has just begun! However, as good as the intentions are, it’s also sort of an awkward gesture. It’s weird being put on the spot by a complete stranger to justify your decision to leave at that exact moment.
But I do appreciate in hindsight the fact that I felt wanted. So in that sense, thank you, complete stranger. I’ll be back again someday.
And to the old men (both literally and at heart) that read my blog: I’m in the camp that thinks Shane died at the end. Discuss.
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27 Responses to “You’re leaving already?!”
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STALK ME
This or some variation of this happens to me no matter where I am. I think I’ve reached the point where I don’t even respond any more.
Kevin – I feel your pain. I often leave parties by sneaking out and always felt like the “you’re leaving already?” confrontation was in poor taste. So, when someone I know is leaving a party I try instead to value the time we had together rather than lay a guilt trip on them for leaving.
The last time I snuck out of a party, the host called me the next day and asked “where the hell did you go?” Thinking quickly, I told him I had some gastrointestinal issues and had stained myself. He laughed and quickly forgave me. I’ve used that excuse at least 5 times since.
I like to joke that when I’m leaving a party early (regardless of whether its to go home or to another party) that’s I’m “off to fight crime.” Feel free to borrow that line.
And this is why I just leave! haha
I, too, am Irish and the Irish Goodbye is put into effect A LOT in my family. We’re known for it.
Sometimes people never even knew we were there and we’ve already left! :)
I hear you, Kevin. I’m the same….the farm comes in very handy: I have to go do chores.
p.s. LOVE the clip!
I actually left a 13 year relationship that way…..Best move I ever made….
Shane = dead. It’s just more poetic that way.
Or maybe they were just leaving the door open for Shane II: Unfinished Business.
But what if that young lady was trying to spark up a conversation that could have led to a date, or possibly a relationship? You ran out without giving it a chance.
Michael - I doubt it. If her way of sparking up conversation on that end was to not say anything to me until “YOU’RE LEAVING ALREADY?!” then I think we’d have greater obstacles before us than my exit on Saturday.
Kevin, I know you mean well by saying goodbye to everyone when you leave a party, but it actually can be perceived as rude, especially to your host. Think about it, your host has put a lot of work into the party, and you going around to a bunch of people to say goodbye can lead many of them to assume that the party in winding down, and it will soon be time to leave. You are sending this signal whether you mean to or not. The proper thing to do when you feel it is time to leave a party is to find your host, thank them, and then quietly leave. This does not draw attention to your leaving. Read Elsa Maxwell, she knew how to throw and attend a party…..
Kevin, IMO, I have perfected the art of “Batman”…it has become a game my group of friends all play at gatherings…who can be the first to leave without being noticed…..kind of makes it fun in a way and avoid the whole drawn out goodbye…..because if you say C U later to one you better not omit anyway…ha ha
…equally awkward, “yeah, good to see ya, bye”. I get that ALL the time….should I feel badly about myself….naw.
I used to say my good-byes. The are-you-leaving-already’s have long since caused me to resort to the Irish good-bye. Never knew of such an expression and I’m only Irish by association (daughter and grandson are part) but, hey, what works works.
Seeing Dan’s comment above makes me glad that I do usually make a point of saying good-bye to the host even though they sometimes pull the are-you-leaving-already crap because I figured they invited me. Least I could do. If they’re surrounded, I’ll usually give them a wave and a nod at least.
And here I thought I was lacking in the social graces.
Maybe this particular girl agreed with the dating website in your previous post and thought that Kevin Marshall = Good Looking!
So that’s what you call it! My family does this all the time.
If Shane died, then someone should have told him to play dead; because dead people don’t hold their arm up while they’re handling a bridle (as seen in the silhouette).
Panda – His right arm might not be holding the reins up; they could be resting on the pommel. The saddle Shane uses has a pretty prominent one, and in fact as he rides off he is resting his right hand on it while holding the reins, which gives the impression of his arm being raised (see the 6:33 mark of this clip).
“Why yes, yes, I am leaving. But I’ll be back with a pair of Daisy Dukes for you.”
OHHHHH SNAP
6:33 mark of 2nd clip, his arm is nearly straight with no bend in his elbow. If he was riding like that in the final clip, then part of his forearm would be visible in the silhouette. His forearm is not visible, and it wouldn’t be visible if his hand was against his chest.
Not to mention, if he had died, then he would have gone limp and fallen off the horse. I thought Mythbusters already proved that?
Funny post Kevie M. I have wedding to go to this Friday and I’m already planning my exit strategy. I don’t mean to be anti-social, but an open bar and a bunch of co-workers….eh.
I also think she may have wanted to get to know you a little better. Kevin, you blew it!
Her loss, I’m sure.
And D. – Co-workers and an open bar? Oh my God, RUN
Thanks for coming Kevin! I actually forgot about the whole not drinking thing, as I don’t think we’ve hung out in some time, so I hope I didn’t also say something to that effect when you left!
Thanks for stopping by! Anytime someone takes time out of their life to make someone else happy, that’s a good thing – so I for one am not greedy about it! And the girl, whoever she was (you’ll have to use my FB pics as an impromptu lineup) probably meant well… might have just been a good icebreaker opportunity for her! :)
Oh, I’m sure. :)