Society & Culture

Celebrity, the arts, societal issues and more

“I’d Have to be Crazy to Let My 5-Year-Old Tan,” Says Overtanned Crazy Lady

May 2, 2012
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I mean, just look at her.

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Important thing to ask: what kind of scummy tanning place would look at that woman and take her money and allow her to continue tanning? In fact, let’s extrapolate that further: what person working at a tanning hut wouldn’t see that woman walking into the door and try to set her on fire thinking that they were the victims of a Mummy attack?

"It's close to miiiiiidnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark..."

Also, what’s weirder, the woman in this video or the hosts of “Today” not acknowledging at all that what we just saw was absolutely bizarre and gross?

IN OTHER VERY IMPORTANT NEWS: oh shit, there’s a fucking bear in Albany! The Times Union has dubbed it the “South End Bear,” which is also some guy’s username on a dating site. I guarantee it.

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT NEWS:

Troy’s Loss

May 1, 2012
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The Troy Record’s Talespin blog has an account of Vic Christopher’s departure from City Hall that coincides with what little I’ve heard of the incident.

Back towards the end of Harry Tutunjian’s term as mayor, Christopher told the law firm that was moving out of the city owned Dauchy building he would help them move their leftover stuff. In other words, they said he could have a bunch of the stuff they didn’t want like old desks, chairs and other office-related materials.

He ran it by Tutunjian who told him to get it in writing.

He didn’t.

To make a long story short, City Hall was notified he was taking things out of the building, put him on paid leave, and he eventually resigned.

Talespin notes that it would have been easy enough for those at City Hall to confirm what he claimed, which is that Tutunjian gave him the okay some time ago and said it wouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately, as soon as Rosamilia won the primary, promises of a new direction for Troy and an end to bipartisan bickering was drowned out by the high-pitched screech of axes being ground.

It’s a shame that partisan hackery and an obvious opportunity for a political hit superceded the better interests of the city. But Vic, personally speaking, is better off. Check out Keep Albany Boring’s visit to his forthcoming wine bar near Monument Square. I’ve been in there a few times since he started, and I think the place is going to be remarkable. It’s exactly the sort of thing Troy needs more of, and perhaps it’s fitting that it’ll be born in the ashes of what Troy needs less of: partisan doofs who cut off Troy’s nose to spite its face and think anyone with half a brain cares about their ambition to one day become King of Shit Mountain.

Assholes on the Internet Hilariously Miss the Point of “Girls”

April 25, 2012
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I’ve been enjoying “Girls” quite a bit. Dunham’s hilarious and her writing’s great. It provides awkward moments that are actually organic, as opposed to the lazy comedy tropes in recent years of characters just creating awkward situations out of thin air and saying things as if they’re not aware they’re even human beings.

The reactions to it, particularly the negative ones, have been a bit silly. The all-white principal cast has been unfairly singled out, even though the bigger problem is television and society as a whole. Others have complained of it as a show about privilege, which, exactly. That’s a theme of the show. It opens with her parents cutting her off and the fit that she throws about it. Criticizing Lena Dunham’s character for being privileged is like taking “All in the Family” to task because that Archie Bunker is just so bitter and racist and dumb!

The best and most laughably pathetic attempt to deride the show, though, comes from this meme:

I bet being the daughter of the drummer of the 1970s band Bad Company(!) really opened a lot of doors for that actress! Because he’s such a player, that guy that drummed for that band that had one hit album thirty or forty years ago. Oh, and let’s not forget about the fact that Lena Dunham is the daughter of an artist you and Hollywood and HBO have never heard of. Also, hey, check out Mamet’s daughter. I bet that helped her out quite a bit since he’s such an affable and congenial fella.

Sorry you’re not that talented and nobody likes your boring pitches, assholes on the internet. But don’t take it out on Lena Dunham.

David Liebe Hart from “Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!” Chats with Local Comedian & Radio Host Ethan Ullman, Gives Him Things to Do

April 25, 2012
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David Liebe Hart with the puppet I suspect Tim and Eric are holding hostage. True story.

David Liebe Hart’s strange ascent to notoriety began with a Los Angeles Public Access television program that taught children about Christian Science with the use of awkward puppet “Chip the Black Boy,” strange skits, and his own musical compositions. It is, to put it lightly, fucking nuts, yet charming in its earnestness.

Here’s a taste.

…yep.

Last Thursday, Hart called in to Alternative to Sleep, local comedian Ethan Ullman’s weekly comedy talk show program that airs Thursday nights at 10pm on WCDB in Albany and nationally on the Comedy Pipe network.

Almost immediately Hart asked people to send him money. It’s not begging, he explains to the listeners and his family members, because in exchange he’ll send them his drawings and used clothes(!). He then asks Ethan to register copyrights for his song, which a confused Ethan finally conceded to investigate. In addition to other aspects of his career and life, Hart confirms he’s not on the next season of “Tim and Eric,” claiming they never returned his phone calls and are holding one of his puppets hostage until he repays them for a $500 loan they gave him(!!!).

GUYS. TIM AND ERIC ARE HOLDING HIS PUPPET HOSTAGE.

You have to hear this. Even if you’re not a fan of his appearances on Tim and Eric Awesome Show,  Great Job!, you’ll appreciate it for the awkwardness of poor Ethan suddenly being harangued into being Hart’s personal assistant.

DOWNLOAD (right click, save as…)

Alt 2 Sleep with Ethan Ullman airs weekly at 10pm on WCDB 90.9 FM in Albany, NY and online at AlternativeToSleeping.com or WCDBFM.com.

 

SEE ALSO: Appearances on the program from yours truly.  I can confirm that Tim and Eric haven’t called me, either, but they also do not have any of my puppets (thank fucking God!).

Ward Stone and the Erosion of Personal Responsibility

April 23, 2012
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Charges will not be pursued against Ward Stone, the former head pathologist of New York State’s Department of Environmental Conservation who was accused last year of mis-use of taxpayer dollars, taking up residence at the DEC, inappropriate use of state vehicles, abuse of underlings, and various other trespasses which would have landed most other public servants in jail.

The reasoning is likely because Stone, who retired in 2010, has since had four strokes and is currently in the hospital. Pursuing further action would be moot and likely cost the State even more money and resources. He’s already abused and wasted enough of our taxpayer dollars.

What bothered me, though, were those that came to his support and claimed that the charges shouldn’t have been pursued because of the stances he took.

From James Odato of the Times Union:

More than 80 fans of former state wildlife pathologist Ward Stone put their names on a letter to Attorney General Eric Schneiderman urging him to disregard a referral from the inspector general’s office concerning the IG’s findings of years of improper behavior by the now-retired Department of Environmental Conservation veteran. The April 9 letter, describing Stone as the state’s “environmental superman,” was signed by representatives of a host of groups, including the Sierra Club, Save The Pine Bush, Dyken Pond Environmental Center, Occupy Albany, Frack Free Catskills and Community Advocates for Safe Emissions, and Albany County Legislator Doug Bullock and nature columnist Carol Coogan, plus four of Stone’s children and their mother. The missive was unnecessary, however, because Schneiderman had decided not to pursue a case against Stone not long after the IG sent him its highly critical findings, according to the AG’s spokeswoman, Jennifer Givner. “Upon reviewing the IG’s report in February, the Office of the Attorney General declined to pursue the matter further,” she said when asked for a response to the letter. She had no more comment

Gross.

I’ll reiterate my  initial reaction to the allegations, which hold even stronger now that this has all been put to bed:

I won’t ask if the ends justify the means, since the issue at hand is a bit more complicated than that, but I worry that too many people are eager to put the personality before the principles and use this as an indictment against those involved in the environmental movement and, on a much larger scale, any of those who view environmental conservation as a priority for the State.

What I’m saying is that we shouldn’t let this discourage those that are in a position to do some good. If anything, it should encourage more people within the system to take a stand when the State and its leaders are in the wrong. I mean, Hell, Ward Stone did it and yet he still got away with living at work, abusing subordinates, and shooting poor defenseless woodland creatures. What’s the worst they can do to you?

So, State officials and administrators, I urge you: be more like Ward Stone was to the public for so many years. Just don’t be like Ward Stone was to everyone else.

Shame on those who signed the letter knowing Ward was guilty of all he was accused of (and more). Actually, I’ll go further and state that all should be ashamed, because that letter specifically states that it was okay for Ward to have stolen from the State and its taxpayers simply because he felt he was owed more.

Part of being an adult and a decent human being is accepting responsibility when you have betrayed the trust of others, knowingly did wrong, and/or erred in an egregious manner. Nobody’s perfect, but a good deed does not absolve the individual of bad deeds, and it certainly does not provide just cause for committing wrong.

The sort of justification Stone’s supporters imply is not only logically and ethically unsound (do they really think there aren’t other people out there like Ward Stone who could have done what he did without his gross transgressions?), it’s potentially dangerous.

Commit Your Soul to Highfather of The New Gods

April 23, 2012
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A friend of mine has, of late, become a preferred destination for the Jehova’s Witnesses in her neighborhood. The latest pamphlet offers an…interesting re-imagining of the image of Jesus Christ that I haven’t seen before. Being a comic book geek, I couldn’t help but immediately recognize its resemblance to Highfather of The New Gods, created by Jack Kirby.

Kirby’s is much better. More life, more expression, more authority, and it pops. Whomever the Jehova’s Witnesses commissioned for their art could learn a thing or two from him.

Personally, if I were distributing pamphlets for my sect, I’d draw inspiration for my version of Jesus from another Kirby icon:

NY Senate Passes MMA Legalization, but Assembly Still Iffy (Mixed Marshall Arts)

April 19, 2012
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Assembly majority leader Sheldon Silver

The New York State Senate passed the bill to legalize Mixed Martial Arts in the Empire State by a slightly larger margin than last year (43-14), but still faces uncertainty in the State Assembly. In the previous two years, the bill to legalize MMA (full text of bill) passed in the Senate only to be killed in Committee before it can reach the Assembly floor.

Assembly Majority leader Sheldon Silver reiterated his apprehension to the Times Union’s Jimmy Vielkind:

“I have mixed feelings about it,” said Silver at a press conference to announce tenant protection. “On the one hand I do believe it’s rather violent and it sets a tone for people. On the other hand, you can turn on the television and see it, a child can see it from their homes on a regular TV and we’re one of the few states that don’t legalize it. Obviously legalization comes with regulation, and we may be better off having regulation.”

 

“Members control the process,” he said. “The bill is in the legislative process at this point. We have a committee-driven process and we’ll see what happens. There’s a lot of sentiment for it and there’s a lot of sentiment against it.”

“I do believe it’s rather violent and sets a tone for people,” he said, ignoring the violence, injuries, and death associated with other sports. …

Read more over at the Mixed Marshall Arts blog

The Top 10 Most Annoying Things in the World (Right Now)

April 18, 2012
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>:O

  1. Lists that purport to comprehensively rank uber-subjective and intangible concepts like “funniest.”
  2. Lists that purport to comprehensively rank uber-subjective and intangible concepts like “influential.”
  3. People complimenting other people on their tweets. It’s not a skill and it doesn’t deserve an “award” on a Best Of or any other thing. It’s like giving someone an award for Best Masturbater.
  4. The trailer for “The Raven” starring John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe up against Jigsaw from “Saw,” complete with 19th century voice modulator.
  5. Airhorns in hip-hop songs.
  6. That “Just for Men” commercial where they CGI’ed a beard onto a baby’s head that’s CGI’ed onto a midget’s body.
  7. The awful song in that aforementioned “Just for Men” commercial.
  8. Readers asking things that common sense and just a tiny bit of initiative would answer for them. Not linking because it’s too stupid to refer to.
  9. Chael Sonnen. Well, not him necessarily but the stupid gimmick he walks around with. Moreso the people that say “right on” not realizing he’s either being facetious and/or a complete tool.
  10. NERDS/GEEKS. Actually, that’s not true. But seriously, guys, you need to stop reveling in the fact that you like things. It’s not an accomplishment.

I Don’t Think I Have Good Things to Say About the Tupac Hologram

April 17, 2012
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A hologram of Tupac Shakur was used during a performance at Coachella, just to remind us how stale and uncharismatic the current crop of hip-hop artists are.

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this.

In case you don’t know, last weekend at Coachella, they dragged the corpse of Tupac onto the stage and fucked it in front of everybody. Some have said that the corpse fucking was an amazing effect and left the crowd filled with awe and wonder. Others have pointed out that the corpse wasn’t actually fucked; it was an optical illusion that used many of the same principles of a trick that dates back to the 16th century. But that’s splitting hairs. It was an impressive visual.

Now there’s talk that they may fuck Tupac’s corpse on tour. Well, half the acts out there lip-sync that shit anyway, so why not? You know what they say about a fool and his money and how he wants to spend it on watching a not-live “performance” of a fucking hologram. Or something like that.

Admittedly, it was a great visual, but it just seems…I don’t know. How do I put this? Artless and stupid. I think that about sums it up.

Also, who the Hell still listens to Snoop Dogg?

Video is after the jump. Read more »

Stop Making Fun of Andrew Cuomo, You Guys!

April 16, 2012
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"Bro, you see that shit? Make 'em stop jacking my fuckin' swagger."

As gross as this is, it doesn’t really surprise me: Cuomo’s people have a 35-page dossier on Elizabeth Benjamin of Capitol Tonight. Why? Well, just because she got a little bit snarky, I guess.

The file, composed of highlighted and annotated blog items by Elizabeth Benjamin, one of Albany’s dominant political reporters, paints a picture of an executive branch that’s particularly averse to hints that Cuomo could be, as is widely assumed, conidering (sic) running for president in 2016. The document focuses particularly on seven items it describes as “GENERALLY SNARKY” …

Talk about paranoid/thin-skinned/dickish.

I’m not even sure where to begin with how revolting this all is, so I won’t even bother. You and I, reader, don’t have anywhere near that much time to waste. Apparently a top Cuomo aide does, though. Seriously, THIRTY-FIVE PAGES on Elizabeth Benjamin because she was a little sarcastic about things like rumors of his Presidential aspirations. Couldn’t that time have been better spent doing, oh, I don’t know, anything else that actually relates to his job duties?

This sort of paranoia isn’t new in politics, and it always leads to a person’s undoing. Sure, it took a while to catch up to Nixon, but look what it did to his legacy. The only sort of solace I can take in this is that this sort of pathological insecurity will eventually be this aide and/or Cuomo’s undoing. Still, there’s only so much sarcasm to make up for just how dark and gross this is, and what will eventually happen years down the road won’t make anyone sleep easier tonight.

Though I do chuckle a bit about how thin-skinned they are about the rumors of him running for President. I mean, really? C’mon, son. Andrew Cuomo has about as much chance of getting the Presidential nomination that Rick Santorum did, and his campaign would be every bit the shitshow. I just think back to when he tried to correct Charles Barron on hydraulic fracturing during a gubernatorial debate – he screamed “IT’S HYDROFRACKING!” not knowing that it was short for “hydraulic fracturing.” Look, you can get away with that sort of thing when your competition is a steampunk obsessed with rent control and a guy who jerks off to horse porn, but not when you’re running for President.

What the Hell is it about New York that attracts guys that act like impotent, insecure man-children?