Kevin Marshall's America
In preparation for a summer of rock concerts and this weekend’s visit from the cast member of the “Jersey Shore” with the least amount of charisma (I’m not paying a cover unless The Situation or Snooki’s Bump-It is present), I want to give y’all a quick crash course on fist pumps. You see, there are different types of fist pumps, with enough variations to make it confusing. Especially when there are two that are both associated with music.
Left: rock show fist pump. Right: "Jersey Shore" fist pump. Nary the two should meet.
Firstly, there’s the fist pump that made an appearance at Wednesday night’s Hold Steady show at The Linda – the rock show fist pump. This fist is usually brief in length and more indicative of a powerful movement in a song. Notice how the fist is thrust slightly forward. Sort of like a punch, but while done in an aggressive manner it’s not supposed to be threatening.
The Jersey Shore fist pump is a different animal altogether. This is more rhythmic and sustained in nature, and has more of a vertical motion. Instead of thrusting forward, it’s more like a smooth, steady piston that moves in accordance with a beat. One must also observe the more prominent bend at the elbow. Additionally, more of your core muscles are – or can be – employed while performing the motion.
So if you’re at a rock show and feel the need to pump your fist, careful! Make sure you’re going about it the right way. And don’t crowd surf. For one, crowd surfing is so 1994, and as far as I’m concerned it died with Layne Staley. For two, if you’re at a show with a variety of ages, that fifty-three-year-old man is most likely not going to be amused. He came here to see and enjoy the band, youngun, not have to be subjected to a dumpy white 160 pound frat boy in cargo shorts who couldn’t allow the band that is onstage and gets paid to do this for a living to hog all of the attention.
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10 Responses to Know Your Fist Pumps!
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STALK ME
I just gotta chime in that this post is awesome, considering I’m a major proponent for fist pumping and fake humping like Will Ferrell at the end of Wedding Crashers. (stated partially with sarcasm, but Kevin totally understands what I mean…)
This fist pump and fake hump is for you, Kev!
Haha. Thank you for this Public Service Announcement! BTW, you’ll be proud. My sister in law taught my niece to Fist Pump when she’s excited about something. It’s pretty awesome. I have it on video. ;)
You had me at “dumpy white 160 pound frat boy in cargo shorts”
Hilarious.
Yeah, I pop my collah.
You had ME at “In preparation for a summer of rock concerts and this weekend’s visit from the cast member of the “Jersey Shore” ”
Whahoo….yeah ok I got nothin’
Great post!
Who cares about fist pumping when I’m still in mourning over Staley?!?! Nice reference. ;)
I’m 52…can’t wait the extra nine months ’til I can pop them doofus crowd surfers for blocking my view, like I can even see that far anymore. Thanks for giving me a goal, Kevin.
Anytime, Gman. Anytime.
I have a rule…unless you’re Billy Idol, and this is 1987…don’t fist pump. Of course I gave up concerts a few years ago, when I almost choked out some guy who jumped over my seat to stage rush Blues Travler. I was perfectly happy and peaceful after sitting through Ziggy Marley, then this moron, who DIDN’T pay the big bucks like I did for 3rd row seats, decides to run over me. Ruined my mellow, man.
OK, a couple things: One, I don’t agree that crowd-surfing is a bad thing necessarily, but as with slam-dancing and stage-diving, it has been co-opted by morons. Are you at a punk or metal show? Only then are all of the above acceptable and/or encouraged behaviors. Two, if you’re attending the same show as 53-year-olds and the members of the band in question aren’t in that same age bracket, AND it attracts “dumpy white 160-pound frat boys in cargo shorts,” you should probably reevaluate your musical tastes.
@Chris
Unfortunately the Albany music scene is kinda strange. You’d think Peaches and Nine Inch Nails would have a pretty liberal audience, right? Well, SPAC had a family section and sure enough, there were kids there. Not babies, but eight year olds that are going to ask Mom about some of the more questionable lyrics in a particular Peaches song.