Kevin Marshall's America
Today’s post is inspired by a story a friend (Nooney) told me last weekend. You may remember him as one of the two gentlemen whose conversation inspired the “Dating Week” blog posts.
Early in his teaching career, Nooney was stationed at a middle school. One of his female co-workers, whom he had become fast friends with, was being harangued by her students. They teased her and insinuated that he and her were somehow romantically linked (they weren’t).
“So, you and Mr. Nooney, eh?” one of her students teased.
She decided to play along for the sake of having some fun. “Oh yeah,” she replied.
The student perked up. “Do you have nicknames for each other?”
Without hesitating, she said “I call him my Nooner.”
This sent the students into hysterics. Apparently, she was unfamiliar with what a “Nooner” was. Note – if you are as well, it’s when you have…ahem…’daytime relations’ with your significant other.
Unaware of what had transpired, my friend Mr. Nooney walked the hallways as students yelled out “hey, Nooner!” at him. Finally, his co-worker told him she may have made a mistake.
“They asked me if I had a nickname for you, and I said ‘yes, I call him my Nooner’. And they laughed and laughed, and I couldn’t figure out why.”
Nooner was horrified. “…you know what that means, right?” he asked.
“…no…”
He explained to her what it was and she was floored. Before she could fully express her dismay and apologize, a group of students down the hall screamed out “YEAH NOONER!”
REACT: What’s the worst nickname you ever had?
Mine was “Louie Anderson” due to what someone thought was my resemblance to the comedian. Fat jokes, they never get old. Har, har.
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25 Responses to “My Nooner” & Other Terrible Nicknames
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STALK ME
Aman-DUH, Amanda Huginkiss, any that Marlon give me.
People back in grade school used to call me Ellie Belly Bubble Butt. It was pretty hurtful, until I realized they were jealous of my tush.
Every guy with my first name has a deep-seated hatred for Mark Wahlberg. Except for that one in Saugerties who owns Marky Mark’s Tattoo Works.
My wife isn’t a fan of me calling her “Midget”, “Brownie”, “Little Person”, “Dwarf” or anything having to do with her height really, she’s 4’11”.
I do it anyway.
She still loves me.
@Mark Ramirez, I know what you mean, one of my best friends little brothers name is Mark. I call him Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch nearly every time I see him. Well that or “Snowflake”, he’s rather pale.
Who are you kidding your nick name was Shoshu Pandowski.
sometimes the nicknames are cute and bring you back to fun times during childhood. i’d give anything to hear poppy call me “davey baby” again, my nanny to call me deedee, which mom and alyssa still call me, i love it. and well, your nephew “mitts”, the first time he was called that i knew it was going to stick! come to think of it our family has a nickname for everyone in the family! must be an irish thing. isnt that right, stash?
As the tallest girl in school for as many years as I was in school (save college) I was called every “tall” nickname in the universe! Name it, I was called it. I was also called nicknames based on my last name as it ends as “StIne.” Go for that one too. UGH! Two nicknames that friends called me were quite funny & still make me laugh because they were unique.
One who could not pronounce my last name yelled at me from his truck on day and said, “Hey, Vahachannah *like he was coughing*” It was amusing! My friend Rachel in grad school was messing with me and came up with VanTallStine. That’s still my favorite of all.
Although now, if anyone decides to use a nickname, I’d best be in a good mood, or else they might get a Sasquatch foot up their, you-know-what!
@Kari
You know, I don’t think even now I would let someone use the Ellie Belly nickname. I’m not a fan of violence, but…
It just brings up bad memories I’d like to not associate with people I enjoy.
my friends call me “creeper” — some friends right? — because I photo bomb them whenever I can. (If you are unfamilar with the practice of photo bombing, it’s when somone or a group of someones is getting their picture taken and you ruin this kodak moment by jumping in the shot — in the front or in the back — and making a weird face). I’m quite a solid photo bomber. I list it on my resume as a skill I have mastered.
I think just about any nickname ends up being OK unless it’s being delivered with bad intent, and we instinctively know those. From the time I was in 6th grade until well after college, I answered to more nicknames than my real name.
My first name begins with a “B”, and my last name begins with “O”. In elementary school using my initials seemed to be hysterically funny to everyone but me. My middle name begins with a “J”, and yes – my family nickname is “BJ”. And my older sister called me by that nickname in the hallway in high school once. Hard to live that down during puberty.
I’m Uncle Egg to my younger nieces and nephews and cousins, from a long, long ago mispronunciation of my name by a neighbor kid that my parents found amusing and perpetuated. There was a period of time when my cohort referred to me as Burnout, the less about that said, the better. I was Rico for a long time with another group. And The Big E to another. I always call my daughter “Kake,” rather than the correct diminutive “Kate,” when we’re having a conversation, again another childhood mispronunciation carried into adulthood.
Not for me so much, but my daughter’s name is April and many people including my sister call her ape. Cringe city for me.
There was a certain South Park episode ten years or so ago…and….. you can figure it out.
I got nothin’.
I actually detest my given birth name, “Charles,” because if you shorten it to the nickname of “Charlie,” you get an obnoxious commercial jingle about some stinkwater perfume. “And they called it… CHAR-LEEE!” By comparison, I could handle people goofing on my preferred sobriquet by comparing it to an 80’s Rickie Lee Jones song or a children’s pizza parlor. But not to some cheap perfume. Please. Not to cheap perfume.
I had a social studies teacher that used to play off my last name and call me Burnsey. When he was feeling cheeky he would call me Burnsey-baby. It was creepy and weird.
Jessie is another one I dislike. As a girl, it sucks because all I think of is Uncle Jessie from full house. Few people can call me that and live to tell the tale.
People seem to looooooove calling me “Red”. I think it might have something to do with my red hair, but I’m not sure. They must know something I don’t know. I would like to kill them all.
People at work were calling me “Wendy Woo” for a while. Hate it.
I think the worst, though, is when the older folks in my office call me “kiddo”. I’m almost 40, for crying out loud. Yes, I’m short and cute, but I’m old.
I detest nicknames.
Ever since Karate Kid I have been called “Daniel San” from time to time. It has died down quite a bit since the 80’s, but it is still annoying.
Oh, and “Dan the Man”, that never gets old. Every time I hear that one I think, “Oh that’s quite original!”.
People are ruthless with my name – as if being asked “Where’s Adam?” all the time isn’t bad enough, then there has to be this personal feminine hygiene product….
“Vinnie Dimples,” for the reason that I had dimples.
People call my by my initials: KCB! Or I get called Bruski. But my favorite nickname is from my uncle who calls me Sweet Pea… awwwww.
I know what I’m going to call you from now on when I see you.
Well not my nickname but my best friend from high school is named Eva. Eva is kind of naive at times – therefore someone nicknamed her Naive-a….
Also she used to sing Metallica’s “Am I Evil” but change the works to “Am I Eva” LOL!