Ladies, last week I wrote about how I don’t get the obsession with nails.

You know what else I don’t get? “Glee.”

I’ve watched this show with people that practically do backflips over it, and I’ve listened to the arguments. It’s funny, it’s kitschy, the music’s great…I mean, I suppose it is if you’re into covers of old pop songs beaten to death with the blunt instrument of showtuneage (a word I just made up).

You know what? That’s not even all that fair. Because “Glee” doesn’t elicit that sort of response from me. I just sit through it and feel nothing at all; blank stares, blank feelings, blank emotions. I get absolutely nothing out of it. Nothing moves me or interests me. It’s almost as if I’m in a meditative trance, except I don’t find it to be relaxing so much as perplexing.

Last night, everyone and their cross-eyed Uncle (who also DVR’ed “Lost”) was raving about their cover of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” To them, I ask:

Did it have breaking glass?

Did it have doves?

Did it have football players?

Did it have fencers and gymnasts?

Did it have children with glowing eyes that flew forth to attack yon protagonist?

Did it have ninjas? YES, NINJAS.

And the kicker: did it have all of these elements combined into one bats*** crazy mess? No?  Then it was NOT “Total Eclipse of the Heart”!

You damn kids these days, you just think anyone can do it. But let me tell you, it’s hard work being Bonnie Tyler. You have to spend hours every morning teasing your hair and screaming for thirty seconds to give your voice that perfect rasp, all whilst thwarting the advances of teenagers, bikers, and what look like pro wrestlers in speedos.

Kids, THIS is “Total Eclipse of the Heart”:

ACCEPT. NO. SUBSTITUTES.

And just so you know, myself and Dog-Owned Life blogger Mark Ramirez once performed a karaoke duet of this song that was nothing less than pure, unfiltered magic.

 

24 Responses to “Glee”? Please.

  1. Cute~Ella says:

    I’ve seen a couple of episodes and can’t tell you what the hype is – although I do like that older lady…but the soundtrack does make excellent background music for dinner parties when you have men who like to break out in showtunage.

  2. Will King says:

    I like Glee.

    I’m not doing “backflips” over it, but considering what else is on TV these days, it’s easily one of the better shows on.

  3. StanfordSteph says:

    Running out of ideas?

  4. BL says:

    I really like “Glee”. A lot; it’s my current favorite show.

    However, I do think the first few episodes of this season have not been that strong (last week’s was really good, though). You should check out last season. I think that there was much more drama and angst and character strength. The music seemed to be placed in better context around the characters and what was going on in their lives, reinforcing the back-story, as opposed to being the focus of the show with some character stuff dialogue thrown in. Even though the music actually *is* the focus, since it’s a glee club working its way through scholastic competitions. If any of that makes sense.

  5. Tara W says:

    I love Glee. Its supposed to be a silly little show.

    Also, this is the best version of Total Eclipse ever ever ever
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

  6. MikeB says:

    I tried to watch Glee when it returned for this season, season 2, but maybe because I was trying to finish Homework, or because I didn’t watch season one I just didn’t like it.

    I like the songs, but they just don’t fit to me, it’s an odd show, I just can’t get into it.

  7. Jay Bobbin says:

    I also love “Glee.”

    It does “heightened reality,” an exceptionally tough thing to pull off, extremely well.

    And the homework done by its music supervisor(s) really shows. Can’t remember the last time I heard “Run Joey Run” before last night; I’d venture that most of the cast members hadn’t been born yet when that was a hit …

  8. Chuck Miller says:

    Glee was fun in the first season. This season, I sat through the “Madonna” episode, where all the songs were Madonna songs and Madonna-themed music, and the whole episode felt like one big 60-minute Madonna infomercial. The characters all praised Madonna’s music and cultural impact, sang her songs, etc., etc. It was just too much.

    I’m waiting for the episode where they all sing the Barry Manilow catalog and have the same type of reverence for him that they had for Madonna. At which point I will personally stick two knitting needles in my ears.

  9. Em says:

    You love it, Kevin. We all know you love it.

  10. Jeff says:

    The problem with Glee is, it’s all covers. None of the music is original.

    The solution is simple: bring back Cop Rock!

    • Jeff: I am all for this idea. I suggest we start a movement online. Then, when it comes back, be the first ones to say “Why the Hell are they bringing back Cop Rock?!”

  11. Tony Barbaro says:

    It’s not a horrible show, but then again I often break into Beatles cover songs throughout the day…just how I roll.

  12. Ellie says:

    I never got into Glee. Same with American Idol. If I’m going to watch other people sing sings I love, I’d just rather go to karaoke and watch Peter Palmer.

  13. Amanda Talar says:

    I’m a Gleek.

    I’m still bumping old-school Madonna from watching last week’s episode.

  14. Kacey Bruce says:

    Gleek is a blue “space monkey” and the pet of Zan and Jayna, the Wonder Twins… tehehehe

  15. jaci says:

    I’m with ya. I truly don’t get this show. I’ve watched it a couple of times. It’s “okay.” If there was nothing else on, I’d watch it out of boredom. But, “Biggest Loser” is on at the same time… which sooooo takes precedence!

  16. HopeFul says:

    I don’t get it either. I’ve seen a few and the music is cute, but is there really a plot? And these high schoolers are nearing social security age…. It won’t last much longer.

  17. Ski says:

    Just finished watching it. Agreed, that last number was ‘meh’ compared to the original song. Did you know Meatloaf wrote it? Meatloaf is amazing.

    I don’t know why I’m still watching Glee, the musical numbers generally bore me. (I used to fast forward through them.) Every now and again there’s an interesting director’s choice that keeps me from falling asleep.

    (The real gossip from Glee: Poor Olivia Newton John! She can’t sing any more! :( )

  18. Leigh says:

    Love Glee. Love love love. It’s hard for me to communicate what I think the charm of it really is…it’s like all of your adolescent fantasies come to life. Well, if you were a music dork and your adolescent fantasies included a cafeteria of kids bursting into song for no reason, and Idina Menzel. It’s an hour-long, over-acted karaoke event. Perfection.

  19. Joe Yerdon says:

    I’m on your side of this whole thing Kevin. I don’t get it, I don’t understand the craze over it, and I can’t wrap my head around it.

    And I even did a handful of musicals in high school (true story). The only thing that makes me roll my eyes are the covers. Don’t we already have American Idol for all our bad cover songs needs?

  20. jrcasmir says:

    im a GLEEK, glee is a great show, it has a character for everyone to realte to, because we all had the same experiences in high school… what people arent getting is the music selection, and why they are spotlighting the GLEE Club.. its not that there isnt good tv, its the fact of changing a viewing audience… just think “FAME” was a big hit, but also criticized in the beginning…

  21. Naomi Seldin says:

    I sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on Sunday night, and I think I’ve found my new karaoke song. I got a 95. It wasn’t pure, unfiltered magic, but it was hella fun!

  22. Alexander says:

    Yeah, I’ve seen a bit of “Glee” (the wife is a fan) and I don’t see what the hype is about. And arguing that “considering what else is on TV these days, it’s easily one of the better shows on” is really kind of insane. That would be like attending a buffet consisting entirely of cyanide and dog poop. The dog poop isn’t great, but considering what else is on the buffet…

    Sorry, dog poop is dog poop. And “Glee” is the dog poop in this analogy, in case you’re taking notes.

    As far as I’m concerned, the best TV available is Elvis Costello’s “Spectacle” (on Sundance and Showtime, two channels I do not get, so I have to watch the show on DVD) and the British series “The IT Crowd.” Everything else? Cyanide and dog poop.

  23. Alexander & Will King – I get what you guys are saying, but no good TV shows? Sweet sassy molassy! Community, 30 Rock, Caprica, Friday Night Lights…I could go on. I think the last decade has seen better television than has ever been produced.

    Everyone else – I think I just never got it because I never loved musical theater, as many have pointed out. Actually, I have an active dislike for it, but that’s a blog post for another time.

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