Kevin Marshall's America
Public Service Announcement: these are the only Ding Dongs you should ditch.
I wanted to write more on this, but wanted to do it outside the comments section for the previous post. Because, let’s face it, soon this will die down and tomorrow morning everybody will be back to kvetching about Eddie Money or whatever.
In a reply to the previous post, shortbus wrote:
“…however I highly dought it would have been written if it wasnt for Madeo”
Well of course not. But, on that same token, the comments I was responding to with this post wouldn’t have been written if it wasn’t him either. Chicken or the egg, etcetera.
So why did I write that post?
Rob and I correspond on occasion and are friendly, but I’ve never been to his home and he’s pulled an Irish Goodbye on me. But he has been super supportive since I launched this blog, and we’ve been reading and commenting on each other’s blogs since before the Times Union even knew I existed. He’s given me plenty of good, constructive feedback. And many people have vouched for his character.
So put yourself in my situation. Say you have someone you know well enough to like, and have people who have in the past vouched for his character. This story breaks, and he’s being called a terrible parent by hundreds of commenters with many inferring they would have beaten or shot his child in the same situation.
What would you do? Write this and try to at least defend him from the galley, jump on the hate train, or not write anything at all?
The third option is what I went with for most of the morning. I knew no good would come of blogging about it because let’s face it, people had already made up their minds. Seeing the reaction to it, which was compounded by the incessant need for the cliche (and still in my mind incorrect) “where were the parents” cry of indignation, I knew absolutely no good could come of me jumping into the fray.
I did anyway.
I wrote what I wrote because I thought it was the right thing to do and I still think it is, because even though I don’t know Rob well enough to call him a close friend, I know that he (as well as a lot of others like J. Eric Smith and others who write the volunteer blogs) would do the same for me.
You can say what you want about today’s developments. Rob probably should drop the charges, but I wasn’t there on Saturday, despite my bad habit on putting myself inside the heads of everyone present.
But he’s not a bad parent, that kid’s not a hoodlum, and it’s not as black and white as people are making it out to be. I have a feeling, too, that there are no small number of people who jumped on this train when it was already moving and had so many other people already voicing the same opinion. What resulted was a dogpile: often cynical, judgemental, sometimes insincere, and at times even disturbing. Worse, it’s a whole lot of people trying to score points on the internet (WHY?) at the expense of Rob and his kid.
I thought that was wrong, and I still think it’s wrong.
The facts are out there, though there’s still a lot of confusion. Even I can’t keep it straight. Myself, knowing Rob and not the other guy, I’m naturally going to look at it from Rob’s perspective first. The guy genuinely and truly loves his family and his son and in the words of Oscar Wilde “doesn’t give tuppens for social possiblities.”
It is possible that Rob is in the wrong in this situation, and I do think he’s making a wrong judgement call (at least in terms of public perception) by moving forward with the charges. But that doesn’t make Rob a bad parent or a bad person, even though it might make you more popular and get you through your work day to vent on him and say that he is. It doesn’t make Daniel Van Plew a bad person, either. It just makes it a bad situation all around.
And that’s the last you’ll hear about it from me.
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19 Responses to Knocking on Delmar’s Door (but Not Running Away)
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STALK ME
I understand that you’re trying to support a friend or acquaintance ( I don’t really care which), however, the boy’s obnoxious behavior after he was “captured”, in my mind, says a lot about his upbringing. Many kids would be concerned about how their parents would react. Not this kid! He decided to go on a verbal attack! What does that say about him & his parents?! To me … nothing I can respect!
You are free to blog about whatever you wish, Kevin, whether people like it or not. If folks don’t like it, they don’t have to read and/or comment on it.
Kevin, Your heart is in the right place. It is just such a heated issue that is getting worse by the minute now that there are attorneys involved. Running errands around town, that is all I have heard about. With Saratoga starting tomorrow, the news at least will have forgotten it. I hope for Mr. VanPlew that the charges will be dropped and an apology is given. You hate to see something like this grow into something huge when it could have been settled way early on.
How ironic that you lament the impact that this is having because of the echo chamber effect of the blogosphere and yet your perspective focuses entirely on the blogosphere and ignores the reality of this situation.
You are so upset about the criticism of your “super-supportive-but-not-really-a” friend and his son that you are willing to relieve him of all responsiblity for his actions and those of his son.
Oh no! People are calling him a bad parent, they are being mean to him!
He is pressing criminal charges and has hired a personal injury lawyer!!! What has he done so that he should be given the benefit of the doubt here?
Mr. Madeo has a PR problem – Mr. Van Plew has a court date!
What is truly bizarre is your excoriation of all the people who disagree with you as losers who are trying to score points on the Internet and use their comments to try and get through their work day. Um, exactly what do you think it is that you do on this blog every day?
I find your whole take on this situation offensive. Here is a little real world perspective for you: below is the NY Penal Law statute that Mr. Van Plew has been charged with violating. Ironically, the second paragraph of the statute seems to describe perfectly Mr. Madeo’s role in all this.
You go ahead and move on with your sanctimonious, self-righteous distaste for the whole affair. The rest of us are going to keep watching in the hope that somehow somebody is going to do the right thing here. But here’s a guess: it won’t be your “not-really-a-friend.”
§ 260.10 Endangering the welfare of a child.
A person is guilty of endangering the welfare of a child when:
1. He knowingly acts in a manner likely to be injurious to the physical, mental or moral welfare of a child less than seventeen years old . . . or
2. Being a parent, guardian or other person legally charged with the care or custody of a child less than eighteen years old, he fails or refuses to exercise reasonable diligence in the control of such child to prevent him from becoming . . . a “juvenile delinquent” or a “person in need of supervision,” as those terms are defined in articles ten, three and seven of the family court act.
Endangering the welfare of a child is a class A misdemeanor. (Punishable by up to a year in jail and/or a $1,000 fine.)
Well said!
Yes Kevin it is a bad situation all around. I commend you for standing up for your friend. Been there and done that.
Please also encourage him to do the right thing and drop these charges.
That would be a true friends gesture. Rob and family are clearly not being favored here. My guess is it only gets worse, public opinion wise anyway.
The kid messed up. He deserves punishment of some sort. The parents should be instilling good community values in their children and pressing charges and letting this get this far out of hand is unspeakable.
I read the paper and watch the news on TV. Steven Raucci was accused of vandalism and bombings of homes and cars in four counties. Suppose it’s night time. I’m in bed. My 3 and 6 year old children are asleep. My front doorbell rings and someone pounds on my back door. How do I know that a “Steven Raucci” type of person isn’t outside my house? I see the people responsible fleeing. I give chase and catch one. After I get him back to my house I see that he may be in his teens. Until then I wasn’t sure. Do I ask for proof of age? Do I call the police? Do I call his parents? Do I ask him to do his harassing and vandalism in the daytime so I can see that he is in his teens and know to leave him alone? What if I pepper-sprayed him in the dark and went back inside? Would that have been a better solution?
Well said! I think this whole thing was blown entirely out of proportion. And dke, how do you know how Rob’s son acted after he was physically attacked and then detained against his will? I’m guessing you weren’t there, right? So truly, you have no idea.
People have no idea what really went on. We can take the homeowner’s word for it… we can take the kid’s word for it… or we can all recognize that this situation was blown out of proportion and none of us really can’t know what happened and take chill pill.
In the beginning I was all for the homeowner – still am pretty much but I started to look at it from the father’s perspective – he didn’t have the whole story etc,. all he knew is his kid came home with some small injuries etc. Ok.
But the minute he hired that attorney – he lost any credibility in my eyes. Why does the kid or his father need an attorney? they don’t because they weren’t charged with anything. Someone smell a civil suit for money because I sure as heck do!
Another thought: bloggers and commenters speaking out in defense of each other is nothing new around here. It’s practically tradition.
Mr. Madeo does not have the authority to “drop the charges” against the man who was trying to protect his family and property. That is up to a judge, upon the recommendation of the District Attorney.
Technically, yeah. But in fairness, there are steps a person can take to meet with the D.A. and present their reasons for wanting the charges to be dropped.
My understanding is that a complainant, if they want charges dropped, do have a process they can go through to attempt to see it through. But you’re right in the sense that he can’t just decide to drop the charges and have it be at that, the DA and a judge still have to agree to it. This is in place to prevent a victim of a crime from being intimidated into dropping their charges against someone (eg. in cases involving gangs or organized crime).
Kevin,
He didn’t drop the charges (if he had started the process we would have heard about it by now) and he has a lawyer talking to the news. Every time his lawyer opens her mouth something worse happened to the boy (first he might lose teeth and now some of his braces are broken).
When do you tell a friend (or some guy you’ve met a few times and blog with) enough is enough?
I respect you standing up for him, but he keeps escalating this and that is wrong no matter how close you two are.
Let’s get down to brass tacs…..do you HAVE ding dongs? Or Yodelles, Or Devil Dogs? That’s all I’ve been thinking about last 2 days…..
I don’t like Rob Madeo’s blogs, his opinion doesn’t usually hit on target with me.
I’m positively delighted to see folks taking the stand that some of these comments are absolutely out of control. There is something f-in’ wrong with people who can’t think an issue through, debating it calmly and rationally.
Just because “everyone” thinks you’re right, it doesn’t make you right. It makes you popular.
#11 Common sense, check again, your wrong.
Kevin, you got me with the Ding Dong photo!! Dam! I thought we would be discussing best places to buy and eat them!
Kevin,
I don’t know either of the parties in question (homeowner or the Madeos) yet I agree with your opinion on all points you made. Don’t back down just because some/many disagree with you. Keep you chin up and stick by your opinion, it’s what makes your blog great to read.
Kevin, with all due respect because I like and respect you, while I have some sympathy, you and I are going to part company here. What Van Plew was is that rare thing these days known as a man who protected his wife and small children.
That was the first thing I thought on hearing this story a day before I knew it was the kid of a TU blogger that I like. In hindsight, I’m glad I heard the story before I knew it was Rob’s kid because my opinion of Rob didn’t taint my reaction. I thought finally a man acts like a man and protects his wife and children as a man should and he’s charged for it while the kids that did this go scot-free?
The more I read (and I have not yet waded through all the comments on your first post and don’t know if I’ll have the time) about this case, the more disturbed I am. These kids didn’t ring a bell and run off laughing. They surrounded the house and made all kinds of din. The first thing I would have thought was that it was a home invasion about to happen. Given that, I’m even more impressed with Mr. Van Plew having the wherewithal to go out and confront whoever was out there (at first, I agreed that that was a stupidly dangerous thing to do but didn’t condemn him for it) and lead them away from his wife and children. I also doubt he knew it was a 14 year old kid until he tackled him but even if he did, so what? 14 or 34, his family was being very realistically threatened.
That said, I can put myself in Rob’s shoes. Cops — and they get the lion’s share of the blame in this mess if you ask me because they handled it atrosiously — show up with a bruised and scraped up kid you thought was over at friend’s giggling about girls and say this guy tackled your kid, do you want to press charges? You’re coming awake with a jolt, in shock and confused. You kid is bruised and battered. You don’t have the facts and you are disoriented and the first thing that’s going to happen is your parental instincts are going to kick into overdrive (as Mr. Van Plew’s did, btw). And the cops are demanding do you want to press charges against the guy who did this to your kid? Even if they fully explain (which I doubt) the circumstances, there’s no way you’re fully taking it in. Of course, the only answer you’re going to stammer out is yes.
I am, however, glad I’m coming to this after the charges have been dropped because I think I’d be disgusted with Rob if after the shock and the facts got through the haze of shock and disbelief and natural tendency to protect your child if they weren’t. No way does Mr. Van Plew deserve to be charged with anything. Rob’s kid and his friends, however, do. They broke the law and terrorized a family in a manner that was a hair’s breath away from a home invasion and we do not know if Mr. Van Plew had not acted if it would have become one. It sounds as if they only ran when the door opened and a rather large, angry man came out of it. Correct me if I’ve gotten that sequence of events wrong.
I hope Rob is concerned about that and addressing whatever problem with his son would make it okay to said son thinking it’s funny to scare a family, especially one with two small children. I don’t know if the kids knew the make-up of the family inside the house. It has chilling implications either way. Either they targeted this particular family for whatever reason (maybe the kid who hosted the sleepover didn’t like this neighbor) or they randomly chose a house and acted this way with no regard who they might have been purposely scaring: little kids, old people with a heart condition. I’m glad to read that Rob’s punishing his kid but I hope he doesn’t think that’s enough and is addressing any underlying issues that are the root of this lack of empathy for others.
I am particularly disgusted at the boys will be boys attitude. That does not excuse it. Nor does it’s been going on since your grandpa’s time. So has racism and homophobia and a lot of other bad things. Doesn’t make it right.
Hope you let my comment through out of respect for me. I feel I’m disagreeing with you respectfully and I do have sympathy for both sides.
Mostly I think the cops and Rob’s lawyer were the most in the wrong.