To Whom it May Concern,

My name is Kevin Marshall, and I have some very serious problems with your ideas about defense and security. I find them not just inappropriate and unsustainable, but potentially damaging due to the negative influence they may have on our country. You present concepts and ideas that on the surface appear harmless, but the framework and structure are dangerous. If we were to adopt the ideas you present for security and protection, we’d be doomed to failure on the defense front; that is, if we even made it past the point of financial ruin this program would place us in.

Lions should not fly; it is very much against God's will.

Firstly, we need to address the idea of constructing giant mechanical replicas of lions.

I understand the iconography behind the concept. Lions are strong, proud, and violent creatures. Surely an opponent would be fearful if they saw a giant metal one careening towards them. However, once the initial shock wore off, they quickly realized what everyone but apparently you do: that mechanical lions are a profoundly stupid idea. Why not just have something on wheels? Ideally, a lion that can move as fast as an automobile would have a greater turning radius and agility, but not when limitations are placed on it via lack of flexibility provided by metal, nuts, and bolts.

And they fly?! Why bother making them lions then? Lions do not fly. I know this because the Bible tells me so.

Voltron, the cost-prohibitive "defender" of the Universe.

Perhaps most ridiculous of all, however, is the idea of combining all of these lions to make a gigantic man-shaped robot.

I have no argument against this as far as using a gigantic robot man to fight giant space creatures. It’s only natural, since if we’re going to battle these creatures we’re going to need arms and legs in order to grapple and apply jiu-jitsu holds on them. I have to ask, though, why not make a gigantic robot man? It just seems like a waste of valuable time and resources to make all of these separate components that function independently and combine to make this “Voltron.”

Also, I find the idea of five different pilots controlling one giant robot man to be very socialist and un-American.

Pictured: socialists.

In closing, I encourage you to please address these concerns at your earliest convenience and stop trying to poison our well with robot lions and your giant socialist robot man.

Kevin Marshall
Concerned Citizen
Local Treasure Blogger


17 Responses to A Stern Letter Concerning a Very Dangerous Defense Proposal

  1. Erin Morelli says:

    Thank you, this just made my morning so much happier :)

  2. Em says:

    Tricked-out gundams are better suited for impressing the ladies on I-90 during the morning commute anyway.

  3. Kelly says:

    Now I would like to see a very stern letter to the creators of Captain Planet.


  4. JGR says:

    Unleash the Robeast!

  5. Steve H. says:

    Also, it is against air force regulations to allow color-blind pilots to enlist. We can clearly see that the gentleman in the blue uniform is piloting the red lion here, and while the other pilots probably didn’t want to hurt his feelings, would you really want this fellow on your side when the command base sends out a red alert?

  6. Tony Barbaro says:

    Kevin, perhaps you misunderstood….it’s DRONES….NOT DROIDS….

  7. Chuck Miller says:

    Doesn’t matter… one shot of the Wave Motion Gun from the Space Battleship Yamato and Voltron will have a hole in his chest the size of Delaware.

  8. Steve H. says:

    What’s weird is that when I was at FYE last time, I saw the Voltron movie on sale. It featured the team-up between the lion voltron and the vehicle voltron. Might pick that up now.

  9. Sharkles says:

    This whole piece is hilarious, but the “Pictured: socialists.” caption made me laugh so hard that I choked on my tea for a minute.

  10. Jen says:

    I think it’s all about balance. Some people folks brand socialist genuinely are making up their own minds. They just have a soft spot for NYC.

  11. Gman says:

    Bugs Bunny’d kick all their asses.

  12. Reverend Alan Rudnick says:

    I still have the complete Voltron set.

  13. Katie Maffucci says:

    I am now profoundly concerned.

  14. Katie – Over this post or the fact that Alan still has the complete Voltron set?

    Me, I am SUPER jealous about the Voltron set. I could never find those toys when I was a kid! It was like they never had them anywhere around here.

  15. Joseph Cea says:

    I have the Voltron theme and lions changing clip. Also, got the He-Man theme. Hey, does this go for the Voltron made of cars too?

    Hey Rev:
    I still have my Transformers – got the Protectobots – they all formed Defensor and a few others.

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