Kevin Marshall's America
Ever hear of RentAFriend.com?
Rent a Friend is a great place to find and befriend people that appear in college admission brochures, and also some creepy old guy will show up.
Me neither, until a friend of mine posted a link to it on Facebook. It’s a subscription-based service where, for a monthly fee, you can contact people on it and get someone to be your friend for a one-night excursion.
In other words, it’s a site for making grown-up play dates. Except that sounds kind of dirty, so let’s call it something else. Perhaps a casual encounter? No, wait, how about a special friend for whom you pay for the pleasure of their company? Crap, that sounds even worse.
Friend prostitutes. Okay? They’re friend prostitutes, and this site is their digital pimp. In fact, they blew it by not calling themselves DigitalFriendPimp.com.
Anyway, I was curious as to what the selling point of the site was, so I clicked out their “About” section. They explain the service they provide and also present some scenarios where you might find their service helpful.
● People who travel to a new city can hire a local to show them around town. It’s always good to know someone from the area who can give you first hand information about where to go and what to avoid.
Okay, I guess this can be a legitimate boon of the service, though I’d say you’d be better off expanding on personal and work connections you make in your new residence.
● Someone might want to see a movie or go out to a restaurant but don’t have anyone to go with. They could “Rent a Friend” to go along with them.
Am I the only person who goes to movies alone? I mean yeah, nine times out of ten I’ll go with someone purely as a social activity. But I have somewhat eclectic and mind-numbingly pretentious leanings, so there are invariably movies that come out that I’m eager to see, but that nobody else I know has any interest in. So I go alone, by myself, because I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I’m able to at long last physically defend myself against those mean teenaged bullies at Crossgates.
● Many Friends on RentAFriend.com have unique talents and skills. They can teach you a new language, tutor you, share a new hobby, art, dance, and much more. It’s also a great way to meet people of different cultures and religions.
…or they can teach you MURDER!
● People who travel often for business that are looking to find local Friends to go out to dinner with, go to the bar with, or watch a sports game with. It’s always great to have Friends in different cities.
Have you ever been at a bar or somewhere waiting for someone, and the guy who shows up alone just starts chatting you up and right away he says something that makes you check the time every three minutes? Imagine going out of your way to give yourself this inconvenience.
With RentAFriend.com you experience all the trials and tribulations of online dating, except without the excitement and thrill at the possibility – however misguided – for a kiss or an H.J. at the end of the evening.
● People who have an extra ticket to a sporting event or concert and don’t want to go alone. They can “Rent a Friend” to go along them.
It must be sad to literally not even be able to give away a ticket to a sporting event. Well, unless it’s Arena Football tickets.
● Someone may want a workout partner for the gym. Renting a Friend to help motivate and spot you during your workout. It can also be a lot cheaper than hiring a personal trainer.
Because a person who is uncomfortable and self-conscious about other people at the gym judging them will find so much comfort and motivation in a complete stranger following and watching their every move.
● Just looking for someone to give you personal advice.
You get an outsider’s view by asking a friend or family member that’s not involved in the situation. Strangers on the internet are not, sorry to say, very likely to give you great advice or insight on highly personal and important matters. “But what about A Reader Asks?” Exactly, dear reader. Exactly. Ask them where to buy shoes, not whether or not your girlfriend’s cheating on you (which she totally is by the way).
I was tempted to enroll in the service and try it out just so I could report back to you people, but ultimately decided it’d be a waste of time. Instead, I’m going to approach a random person on the street and say “Hello, new friend. I’m your new friend, for free, with no monthly service. Let’s go see a movie and then you can watch me do pull-ups and run in my short-shorts. Also, do you know why Erin suddenly thinks she’s too good to answer my IMs? ”
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17 Responses to Make New Prostitute Friends!
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STALK ME
Who else do you know that could get away with leaving for a while and returning with ‘digital prostitutes’?
Well done my digital friend (no payment required), well done.
I saw this before and thought it was hilarious and then wondered how I could go about being the “rented friend”. What? I’m fun, I like doing things AND not only would I not have to pay for stuff, but I’d get paid to do it! How is that any different from people paying me to teach them to swim?
I don’t see this so much as “renting a friend” or anything like that. I see anyone who ascribes to this service as “You’re such a horrible person, the only way anybody would hang out with you is if money exchanges hands.” And that’s just sad on about 15 different levels.
It’s almost like a bad version of Fantasy Island, where if you pay Mr. Roarke the right amount of money, once you step foot on the island you can have all the friends and acquaintances your heart desires… so long as your credit card is still good.
BTW: Welcome back, Kevin. We missed you here.
I would imagine it’s most useful to someone who travels for work all the time, yet still wants to experience the cities they’re going to. You get hooked up with someone who makes friends easily, has fun out on the town and can show you neat places you might not have found on your own. My hope is that you get to “pick” or at least match a personality in some way…like not get hooked up with someone who wants to drink until 4am and drags you all over, when you’d rather stop at around 11:00.
Even though I disagree, I still laughed at this post. The same thoughts went through my head initially. I’ve joked with my WC friends that I ought to sign up. Maybe I’ll be bored and flush with cash, I’ll let you know how it turns out. :D
I think you owe it to your readers to do this….come on….maybe Huber will pay for it…think of it a sociological study..
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hee. Oh man. Good one.
Maybe I’ll take you for lunch in our cafeteria. Ooops. Better not. He He He.
I think you can use a blow-up doll for some of these things. I often take mine to sporting events and out to restaurants.
I call shenanigans! Way to false advertise Kevin. Here I was thinking I was going to be able to friend me some real, live prostitutes, and then reap the benefits of their friendship. Drats!
You have to go look at the people available to “rent” on this site.
I think the idea of meeting some one in a new city is a good one! I’d be a really good host. How do I meet this Rent-a-Friend pimp?
Meet me on Central Ave. in Albany, two blocks North of the WAMC studios. I’ll be wearing a purple velour suit and a hat with a big yellow feather sticking out of it.
When addressing me, you will call me Big Daddy K and never EVER look me in the eye.
Oh, Big Daddy K, I hope you have found a great pair of 70’s platforms (or conquistador boots, as Ted Baxter called them). Otherwise, everyone will look you in the eye, your hoes will desert you, and you will end up driving a minivan while wearing a funny hat…and then you’ll need to rent friends IN TROY.
Oh don’t jump to conclusions, Kevin. Isn’t just like that service they have in Jamaica – Rent-a-Rasta, who I’m sure will teach you how to swim, nothing more, nothing less ;-)
Unfortunately (or fortunately for me) my workplace blocks this website… Can you pick and choose who you want? Or do you get a random person? Do these rentable friends have schedules if you request a certain one? I’m guessing probably not because i doubt these people are very busy at all…
Brad – You can actually choose who you want. Did not go far enough to find out if they rank them on a Diamond Rating system.
And right about the schedules, I’d assume. “Oh man, I can’t Friday, I’m busy doing the sort of things that lead me to resort to this website as a last ditch effort to establish human contact.”
Lori – EXACTLY Lori EXACTLY
I’m surprised they don’t try to say it’s therapeutic for shut-ins to get some practice.