Kevin Marshall's America
The concept of the tumultuous, wild, and sexy Office Holiday Party always seems to have eluded me. I see all these representations of the sort of antics that go on through television and movies, yet in my experience nothing’s come close to being as exciting/troublesome/infamous/drunk.
Am I the only one? Is the debauchery invoked in popular culture when someone mentions an Office Holiday Party a myth?
I’m not sure, but I’m not complaining. Any party with free stuff is fine by me. And at my work, I actually have three holiday parties.
The first one is Institute-wide, which was held yesterday. Everyone on our campus is invited – students, faculty, staff, visitors, interns, passerbys, homeless drifters…okay, maybe not, but you get the point. A lot of effort is put in to give the best time possible, and it seems appreciated. Unfortunately, it’s also one of those shindigs that looks like it’s waiting for Party Dude from an 80s comedy to show up, subdue the jazz band, and play some synth-pop to get people dancing awkwardly.
The second holiday party will be next week, which is for my division. This one’s a bit more livelier. It helps that it’s in a smaller area and has faces more familiar to us, and also that our Division include the Salt of the Earth types who know how to unwind and have a good time (without making jerks of themselves – it’s a non-alcoholic event after all).
The third party will be for the building I work in. We’re a weird conglomeration of different divisions (and also two separate companies since food service is in there as well), but we’re in such close quarters that all of us can carry a conversation with each other with little to no effort.
Why am I pointing this out? Well, not to say there’s too many parties, because you can never have too many parties RIGHT PARTY DUDE?
I guess my point is that I’m not much of an “office Christmas party” person. But if you throw in people that I see every day and especially the “blue collar” workers, I’m going to have a Hell of a time.
It sure beats forced conversation over generic jazz music.
On an only somewhat related note, I’m going to share some wisdom I’ve learned from personal experience: be wary of the person whose only friends are their co-workers.
Share it!
19 Responses to The Office Holiday Party
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STALK ME
We should all strive to be party animals like Styles and Teen Wolf. (Can we all just admit that Michael J. Fox’s character, Scott Howard, was a stick in the mud?)
Today is my office holiday party. And I would rather be anywhere else. Also, your last line is stupendously true.
Ours is on Friday and I am expecting it to be a disaster. See we’re starting with cocktail hour and then going into Festivus complete with “Airing of Grievances”…see where this is going?
I’m guessing you don’t get out much…
Wowsers - To other office parties? No. Generally, I only attend work/office parties for places where I work.
(work on your trolling skills, kid)
I really don’t like my coworkers and would rather gouge my eyes out than attend a holiday function with them.
This year our “party” consists of all of us sitting in a cold, half-lit conference room, eating potluck food and staring at eachother for 3 hours. On top of this there’s no music, no presents and we have to charge our time to attend.
I’m thinking about super-gluing the door shut, cranking the heat up to 100 degrees, putting a sign on the door that says “Accountant Holiday Orgy Funtime”, calling security and then sitting in my office with a flask to watch the fun unfold.
Shhhh- They CHARGE YOU YOUR TIME to attend? That is absurd. Thanks for reminding me that I work at an alright place all told.
C~E – I’ve had friends in the past suggest we do a Festivus party with an airing of grievances. My response is usually to remind them that their airing of grievances is year-round and perpetual, and why do they need a holiday to note it now?
derryX - Seriously, and he got such a big head when his werewolf skills made him awesome at basektball (which of all sports…seriously?)
Alan - Spike the punch…with something that knocks them out. Then leave, come back when they’re all coming to, and be all “OH MAN, you guys are an embarrassment!”
I don’t think I’ve ever been to a company holiday party where crazy things have happened. I’ve been to a few of them.
It’s always stories about a previous year, or another time. Part of me thinks it’s to entice people into going: The possibility of seeing the head honcho of your company get blitzed and do something you can never let them live down.
I do not like holiday parties though because I’m mildly (sometimes highly) antisocial. I try to attend them because I make an effort to overcome that.
Work from home, so “Holiday Office Party” is re-watching the Mad Men Holiday Office Party where the client has his foot run over by a John Deere riding mower. Cracks me up every time.
There may be a reason I work from home…
Shhhh – sounds like one I went to when I worked in healthcare. They were such scrooges!!!
I avoid all parties at all costs.
My first full time job was working with professionals…I was not. Neither was the underage date I brought. She proceeded to get slopy, annoyingly drunk at one of my bosses houses. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. We then went to the movies, I couldn’t bring her home in a shopping cart like Aminal house. She barfed on the floor at the movies. How romantic. Our “relationship” was short lived. Went stag to the next Christmas party, much to my co-workers joy.
I think it depends on the office culture and the history of the unit. I’ve been to office holiday parties (always at a bar) that were the cause of many divorces. Apparently what happens at the office party should stay at the office party, but ended up not doing so.
We just had our Holiday party Saturday at Hilton Garden Inn and it was AWESOME. After the party ended at 11pm we invaded the Recovery Grill until they closed at 2am.
My girlfriend’s christmas party was Friday night; she’s a teacher. It was open bar from 3:30 – 8pm. Needless to say, teachers who had PITA kids all week + open bar = sh*t show.
And your last line is an excellent proverb, along with my favorite, “Be wary of girls whose only friends are guys.”
Shhh… Are you one of my coworkers? LOL, my company does not condone holiday gatherings of any kind as it is not in the budget and also may offend someone who does not celebrate said holiday. BLECK. Instead the branch manager allows us to have an end of year potluck in the conference room, yep for our usual one hour lunchbreak. Guess it is better than no party at all though.
I once worked at this company that had pretty decent holiday parties up until the last few years when they starting to downsize ALOT. The last party I was there for (before they laid me off), was at a hotel and some of the workers in the assembly department rented out a room and kept going back and forth. We later found out why. They brought their own alcohol (even though there was already a bar) and they proceeded to get sloshed till one of the fine young men started to play air guitar on the dance floor all by himself…..It was quite a sight.
Oh, and for the record, do not put “Baby got Back” on your company Holiday play list….It will clear the dance floor and only leave the drunk people up there…..
Woah…and I thought my workplace was bad.
In Teen Wolf’s defense, that basketball team also had amongst its starting five the 40-year-old villain from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It seems like an easy team on which to be the star.
The REALLY weird part was “Teen Wolf stars in Civil War reenactment play.”
Yeah, I could never figure out how Francis Buxton made the basketball team.
tex – Right?! The Hell was that all about?