Resolution (rez-uh-loo-shuhn) n.

1. A promise one makes to one’s self that s/he has no intention of keeping.
My New Year’s resolution is to quit smoking!

2. An Irish Catholic tradition of generating more self-loathing by openly pointing out and proclaiming ones areas of deficiency and making an empty, half-hearted gesture to do something to fix it.
My New Year’s resolution is to lose twenty pounds. This gym membership will most likely go unused, though.

I could tell you that neither applies to me, but that’s because I haven’t made  any formal or declarative resolutions in the last few years.

I have some friends who are vocal in their contempt for New Year’s resolutions. Most of them claim they make resolutions whenever they need to be made and don’t wait for the calendar year to flip to make the needed changes.

…okay, whatever. I’m going to make some because let’s face it, there’s always room for improvement (even for a local treasure such as myself) and it’s all in good fun.

RESOLUTION #1: Make resolutions for 2011.

RESOLUTION #2: Make an effort not to be single.
I don’t want to say “get a girlfriend,” because who wants to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship? I think it’s better to say I should open myself up to it. I’ve been comfortable being single for too long, to the point where I know I’ve missed out on some opportunities.


My resolutions include being better, stronger, and faster than before. In other words, become the Six Million Dollar Man. CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH!

RESOLUTION #3: Drop down to a solid 160.
I’m not nearly as big as I was a few years ago, but while I was able to make strides with my cardiovascular health I definitely got a bit soft. I’m on the right track, though, thanks to the folks over at NY Boxing in Cohoes. Speaking of which…

RESOLUTION #4: Become halfway decent at boxing.
Right now I can just about make it through their intensive one-hour workouts. I want to eventually get to a point where I can potentially spar with someone and be able to hold my own.

RESOLUTION #5: Get 5K time under 25 minutes; run a 10K competitive race.
Outdoor running gets a bit precarious this time of year, so this one might have to wait until the Spring.

RESOLUTION #6: Go down to New York City more often.
I have good friends and family down there that I don’t see nearly as much as I want to.

RESOLUTION #7: Try to read at least one book a week.
2010 was an all-time low for me personally when it came to leisure reading, and I think it’s actually made me dumber. I need to make the time and the effort to put everything away, turn on a lamp, and cozy up with a book for at least a half-hour a night.

RESOLUTION #8: Improve ability to tell when girls like me.
I am absolutely terrible at this.

RESOLUTION #9: Quit eating Reese’s Pieces.
If there’s one “junk food” that could be considered a weakness, it’s these. Time to cut ‘em out.

RESOLUTION #10: Make new friends.
Because I enjoy having new people in my life.


Folks! What’re YOUR New Year’s Resolutions?


18 Responses to New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Cute~Ella says:

    I’m still working on mine, but the reading thing is def. on my list as well…

  2. I want to become the other Steve Austin, the one who says “f*** fear, drink beer.”

  3. Roger Green says:

    Brave man. I made NO resolutions.

  4. Vincent Barr says:

    Where have you been boxing? I used to go the gym on Quail Street and train with Jerrick. He’s great, and the facility is free to us.

  5. Chuck Miller says:

    I took care of my big New Year’s Resolution last year. Only other resolution I have is to be able to order food from a Tim Horton’s in Quebec – in French – without having the cashier feel sorry for my faltering attempts and speak to me instead in English.

  6. Will King says:

    I guess these could be called rez-uh-loo-shuhns, but at least my son could become a ninja!

  7. Will King says:

    Good call Kevin.

    My son, at 9 1/2 months old is already too covert for me.

  8. sassy tess says:

    i have never written down actual resolutions before this year. posted my 10 on twitter.
    they’re okay i guess.

    resolution # 10: learn how 2 key w/ less errors & or spell in general. if i had a nickel 4 everytime i typed “becasue” & my “emali”… dweeb

    rsoltion # 9: be a better house keeper. embarassing pulling dust bunnies off the cat’s tail when company’s over…could be a win win though?

    resolution #8: learn all the words 2 Led Zeppelin – D’yer Mak’er in correct order. killer reggae “Jo’maica”.

    resolution #7: say yes when i mean yes and no when i mean no….maybe…it all depends(i know it’s corny)

    resolution #6: Learn to play another instrument AND play the ones i have just for enjoyment

    resolution #5: secure three repeat clients in VO (that’s voice over not the booz!)

    resolution #4: learn gaming language so i can really participate in convos w/ son beyond “wow”, “sounds neat” w/ a smile & nod. luv s’much:)

    Here come the abstract and somewhat sentimental ones…
    resolution # 3: find passion in life

    resolution #2: forgive a lasting and deep rooted offense

    resolution #1: realize a DREAM:)

    have a happy new year!

  9. Sweetness says:

    I’m doing just fine with the leisure reading, but I do have a few vices that I would like to cut away, kind of like a rotting tree limb… or maybe like Zsa Zsa’s gangrenous leg….
    1) Reduce the amount of Stewart’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream I eat.
    2) Increase the amount of time I spend engaging in SOME kind of physical activity.
    3) Reduce the amount of time spent online (sitting on my a–).
    4) Be able to sprint nearly as fast as I could in high school (I loved track and field) and join an adult softball or soccer team.
    5) Cleanse myself of toxic acquaintances/friendships and spend more time with the friends I love (and that love me in return!)
    6) Spend less time worrying about what I cannot control, and more time controlling what I can.
    7) Play more outside when it gets nice out, enjoy the fresh air, and learn how to do handstands and cartwheels again :)
    8) HAVE MORE FUN!!!!!!

  10. Bethani McCauslin says:

    sassy tess i really like your #7 and #1 resolutions. I’ll have to add those to the resolutions I have made. I’m not one of those vocal resolutionists. I keep mine private or only share with those I am close to. The vocal ones are pretty funny when midday through February they have 1001 excuses as to why their resolutions didn’t last.

  11. M.L. Cullen says:

    I would like to make one but I have no resolve.So,I guess I’ll continue to do what I want.

  12. Em says:

    1) Beat up a politician
    2) Make a bazillion dollars selling garbage
    3) Behave in an even more depraved fashion than I did in 2010
    4) Conjugate all my verbs incorrectly
    5) Get my cat to stop bleeding all over my hardwood floors

    So far, so good….ish.

  13. jakester says:

    for #2 why don’t you ask Amanda out, she’s a cutie!

  14. jakester says:

    What a way to go … lot of fireworks…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>