Live-blogging The Golden Globes!

The Golden Globe, one of the few statues given out in Hollywood that actors and producers don't bother putting on their mantle.

Holy crap you guys, the Golden Globes are on! It’s an exciting night of stars, statues, and slurred acceptance speeches.

Not wanting to miss out on the fun being had on Twitter and in the general blogosphere, I’ve decided to live-blog (provide running commentary in quick snippets and inserting them into the post as the evening wears on) the ceremony!

8:00pm
The festivities kick off! All the buzz surrounds the clash of titans in the race for Best Comedy or Musical! Will it be the universally panned and unwatchable “Burlesque” or the universally ignored and forgotten Jolie/Depp vehicle “The Tourist?” The anticipation has reached its climax and the checks have been written, let’s get this started!

8:02pm
Ricky Gervais’s monologue is always sharp, biting, and entertaining, which sets the tone for the rest of the evening where they only let him out like three more times!

8:35pm
Tilda Swinton makes her first appearance on camera, and gay men across the country call her a “handsome woman!”

8:46pm
Look, a star is drunk!

9:01pm
The internet explodes in disbelief over the wardrobe that a certain star has chosen to wear. Can you believe the color and cut of that dress? Heck, even calling it a dress is charitable! I wish she’d worn a garbage bag instead. Am I right, folks?

9:15pm
Jeremy Irons shows up with the blood of orphans that sustains him and keeps his undead corpse animated dribbling off his chin.

9:33pm
Somebody makes a joke about someone else having a bit too much to drink!

9:53pm
After an award winner is announced, the first reference to Pia Zadora is made in a hushed whisper in the crowd.

10:14pm
David Fincher wins Best Director for “The Social Network.” He thanks the members of the HFPA, none of whom saw the movie because Johnny Depp wasn’t in it.

10:35pm
Natalie Portman wins for Best Actress Who Isn’t Really That Good but is Good For How Pretty She Is.

10:43pm
Warren Beatty, the 6th most hated man in Hollywood, is shown in the audience.

10:51pm
Robert Downey, Jr. leans in to Johnny Depp and asks him how many meals and pictures he had to take with the HFPA geeks that masquerade as journalists to get “The Tourist” nominated. Depp smiles and says “enough to make me miss France.”

10:52pm
I got bored and changed the channel finally.