Kevin Marshall's America
"Put your back into it, boy!"
After some thorough soul-searching and thoughtful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that if you get a shoeshine in public in 2011, you’re probably an a**hole.
I thought about this as I walked past a gentleman on 9th Avenue in Manhattan getting a shoe shine. The look of the man screamed Willy Loman, and he obviously was one of those pretenders to the crown in middle management that do things like get his shoes shined in public to give himself the false impression that he’s on the fast track. The pseudo-classism was abundant: he was on a raise, and as he got his shoes shined looked off into the distance, avoiding all eye contact and communication with the man inside.
It then occurred to me that of the handful of men I have come across in my life who have had their shoes shined in modern times – both as novelty and habit – they’ve universally been what I would consider an a**hole. Friendly acquaintances, mind you, and great for a laugh, but total a**holes none the less.
One counterpoint to this argument is that not engaging in the shoe shine is detrimental to the one who shines shoes. In a recent British television mini-series I watched called “Downton Abbey,” which takes place in the early part of the 20th Century, a middle-class cousin is made an heir due to a lack of males in the family estate. He comes in as a progressive and refuses the help of the butler until it is explained to him that doing so removes the man’s purpose in life. In some weird way there is a value in this observation, though it only serves to reinforce a social caste system that was on the precipice of extinction. The idea that you are somehow doing someone a great service by having them shine your shoes for you is every bit as narrow-minded and egotistical, and more importantly embarrassingly outdated.
Which brings the other counterpoint, that the practice deserves to continue for the sake of nostalgia. I can understand the want for people to want to return to the good old days, when times were simpler and we made children and black people shine our shoes. Okay, that’s not fair, but still. If you want to return to the good old days, then leave your blackberry at home and work with paper only for a day. Boy, that would suck, but those were the good old days, right?
So folks, don’t be that guy. Have enough self-respect to do it yourself in the privacy of your own home instead of making a public spectacle of yourself. And if you must insist on it, at least make eye contact and friendly conversation with the guy doing it and acknowledge that this is a novelty service that deserves a smile and a few laughs.
Otherwise, people will walk by you getting it done in a window and go “oh my God, what an a**hole” and then blog about it on the website of a major newspaper in a tertiary market.
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26 Responses to Getting your shoes shined in public? Then you might be an a-hole.
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STALK ME
haha i love this!
This post makes no sense. If someone’s business is shining shoes, why would it make anyone an a-hole to give them that business? Should I avoid dry cleaners, cobblers, tailors, street performers, food cart vendors and community car washes, too? After all, it would belittle them to perform a legitimate service for money, right?
it’s even worse when the shine guy is using his tongue for the shoeshine.
Honestly, I’d be all for it so long as they insist on calling the dude “Boot Black.”
I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. Not that I would get a shine, my father taught me how to do it myself, and I am REALLY good at it. However, I do see your point, but why draw the line at shoe shines? How about people who get shaved at a barber shop?Or even hair cuts? Get the old bowl and scissors out and go old school like your mom did it when you were 8…gettin’ all uppity with your store bought hair cuts….on the other hand, maybe these people getting the public shines ARE a-holes…but which came first, the a-holeness, or the shine?
Shoe shining and shoe repair is a lost art form. There used to be quite a few places in Albany you could get your shoes repaired and/or shined. Is there any left anymore?
and as for using his tongue to shine your shoes, that’s just silly, everyone knows using his own hair and sweat works much better.
I don’t make a very good elitist. This was pointed out to me when some friends & I hired a car to drive us from our hotel in Manhattan to a show in Long Island. I was quiet for most of the trip because I refused to participate in any conversation that did not include our driver. Of course, insisting on engaging him in conversation while he dealt with traffic may not have been the kindest thing I could have done either!
me neither (and everyone else) – This article was supposed to be tongue in cheek and probably came across as…I guess a bit more serious than it was intended? I figured the tone was clear, particularly since it was about something as inconsequential as shoe shines, because who would take that seriously? But I’ve heard from others it wasn’t. C’est la vie.
justagirl – They do discourage talking to drivers on public transit, but not sure if that’s a one on one safety concern or something that only comes up with a large number of passengers.
Getting your shoes shined does not indicate middle management. Short sleeved dress shirt and tie does.
I have gotten my shoes shined on a couple of occasions, twice before job interviews and once before a date. Does this make me an a##hole? Probably, I’ve been called that before. Every man once in his life should experience a great shoe shine, a straight shave from a master barber, and get one suit tailored (or made, if you’ve got the cash) specifically for them.
I understand that you may think that this guy is an a##hole, especially because he wouldn’t acknowledge the man doing him a service. But then again, in NYC, where shoe shines are a plenty isn’t this just a cultural norm?
if you want your shoes shined and you don’t want to do it yourself, drop them off at a bottery. don’t be an a**hole.
Kevin Marshall’s version of the Shining. ;)
All work and no play makes Jack an a-hole about shoe shine blogs.
Speak of the… (wait, what?)
Anyways, on shoe shining: don’t discourage a##holes from getting their shoes shined.
For one thing, it’s honest work, and gives a guy a shot of opening his own small business.
For another, if you get rid of shoe shining, it’s not like it’s going to lead to the mass extinction of a##holes.
To you (maybe) it’s degrading. Trust me, there’s a thousand corporate jobs that are more degrading, and you don’t even get to be your own boss.
So… I’m pro-shoe shining. If you can afford it, get one, leave a nice tip.
jack
Does this go for manicures/pedicures as well?
Yes. You ladies are all a-holes.
I forgot about this – “Ladies Nails, Why Bother?”
I hope you aren’t taking business away from that guy on the Concourse.
Who are you to say that someone shouldn’t patronize a guy who wants to make an honest living?
j/k…
I ruined his life. This is worse than that time I said cab drivers were annoying and people stopped taking cabs!
You callin’ me an a-hole?! Go get your ****ing shine box, Marshall.
http://bit.ly/gEgdeZ
Bill (comment #2 which got caught in our spam filter) – read the opening paragraph. It sets the tone pretty clearly as a tongue-in-cheek rant.
Though I’d argue if I was at all as serious as I jokingly inferred that the examples you provided are much, much different tasks than what I described, ie you don’t stand over dry cleaners as they wash your clothes.
That’s because I think we all know dry cleaning is a big scam….ancient chinese secret my a$$….how can you clean something with out getting it wet?? lying whores….wait what were we talking about? oh yeah shoe shines….how come no glove shines??
If Police Squad taught me anything, it’s that you can get excellent information from the guy shining your shoes.
Tony, there are at least 2 places on Western Ave. who shine shoes: while you wait if they’re not too busy. Kevin’s on to something. Treat it like a haircut, talk to the guy and tip well ;-)
There’s a stand at the Empire State Plaza called “Thomas Famous Shoe Shine.”
I’ve never had my shoes shined. It always struck me as something from a different time, the kind of thing that requires a fedora and a copy of the Daily Racing Form — but even in the track it’s a fading thing:
http://tinyurl.com/ddtg2r
Correction… it’s early!
*************”at the track”************
The way you use words like satire and tongue in cheek makes me think you must have some form of tone dyslexia.
As in, you would describe the sentence above as flattering but serious.
I’m sorry you don’t like or understand things people write.
Oh, and thanks for coming back and reading! I was worried you’d turned to exclusively trolling women’s fashion blogs.