Look, I try not to be mean when it comes to people and their looks, especially in the type of society we live in now. In no way am I under any pretense that high standards of physical beauty never existed, nor do I labor under the misapprehension that shallow materialism is something that sprung up in the last decade. Thing is, though, we used to at least not revel in it. Some of you reading this remember those days before the internet and social media in all its forms either obliterated some people’s self-awareness or magnified their complete lack of it.

Enter Samantha Brick, who I think might just be our tipping point. Brick, a British television journalist, wrote a diatribe about how hard it is being exceptionally beautiful and all of the attention, both good and bad, it brings. Good in the form of random bottles of champagne ordered for her on airplanes, bad in the form of jealousy from other women. Normally I would just let out a tsk and roll my eyes, except…except there’s pictures, and…and…

Guys, there’s no way to put this lightly. She’s not pretty and her eyes are fucking cock-eyed.


Exhibit A, her eyes are fucking crooked.




‘Lest you think I’m being mean, if you click on those images you’ll see that these are the examples she provided. Like, she was all “I am so beautiful, look at this.” Except no, not really.

I mean, God. I hate being this mean. But I hate her more for making me this mean! If it was done with the attitude of “look how pretty I am!” I’d be all “you go, girl!” But it’s done like “I am so much prettier than everyone else that they hate me for it” followed by stories and anecdotes that read like the ramblings of that nine-year-old pathological liar in your playground (who has also seen television shows you’ll never see because his family has a special box on his TV that his millionaire Uncle hooked them up with). What’s worse, though, is that it advances a misogynistic narrative of women as jealous, vile, and ultimately shallow creatures who will hate you for your beauty and success. It’s delusional but somehow also mean, and would be tragic if it weren’t so spiteful.

Samantha, if you’re reading this? …no. Just…just no.




14 Responses to Oh, honey. No.

  1. It IS hard being beautiful – thank god my eyes aren’t crooked

  2. GenWar says:

    Meh. I’d put it in her mouth.

  3. MeghanButler says:

    to be fair, i think that she’s pretty by UK standards. 

    also, i think that height works for both men and women in helping people to overlook physical shortcomings like a fug face.

    that said, i 110% agree with you. 

  4. MeghanButler says:

    PS i feel like any girl who is willing to write a piece like this is probably not nearly as pretty as she thinks she is.

  5. MeghanButler says:

    double bagger.

  6. Congrats. You’re now no better than some paid and unpaid bloggers at the TU.

  7. Mary Kenney says:

    Conspicuously absent from her photos are her ankles. I smell cankles.

  8. I knew it! THAT’S why I’ve never been a bridesmaid! I’m too beautiful! THANK YOU, RANDOM LADY WITH EGO PROBLEMS!

  9. rogerogreen says:

    Let’s say she’s not my type.

  10. […] Kevin blogged about this today (WAY TO BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH KEVIN), and I was interested to see an intelligent guy’s take on this.  He thinks she’s unpretty and her eyes are cockeyed.  […]

  11. GenWar says:

    Seriously though, what this chick fails to realize is that there is a world outside her perceptions. I am sure her observations and experiences are genuine. There are women who are jealous of her looks and who behave inappropriately because of there. Also, there are women who pick up on her attitude and hate her without any regard for her looks. There are guys who find themselves inordinately attracted to her and take large steps to act on that. And, there are guys who see her and thing she’s “good enough” to take a shot and see if there is any chance there. And these people, who may make up the bulk of the people she has interacted with, are a tiny tiny, almost infinitesimal, percentage of the world population. And that world population contains people who think she is average and people who think that blonde hair and white skin is the grossest think they’ve ever seen and would describe her as ‘unattractive’ in their kindest moments.

    It is, in my observation, one of the hardest things for a person to learn, that there is an entire world out there, made up of sights, sounds, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and experiences that one has never and will never be exposed to. And, given that, it is dangerous at best, to make sweeping generalizations about the world at large. Her best bet to reach her ostensible goal of understanding sympathy on the part of her audience was to play it humble say, “I don’t understand why this stuff happens. Do people think I am attractive? I don’t think I’m anything special, but look at all this weird stuff that keeps happening to me. I just don’t get it…”

  12. Choobie says:

    She looks and sounds like a british Kristi Gustafson.

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