Kevin Marshall's America
Folks, we need to talk about the handshake.
A friend on Twitter made a comment recently concerning someone’s unnecessarily strong, forceful, bonecrushing handshake. She called it “overcompensation” and chastised the aggressive shake for being too forceful and, as a result, unpleasant. After some discussion, a consensus was reached. People with unpleasant, painful, crushing handshakes tend to be weak in some manner: physically, mentally, or emotionally.
I will crush you with my mighty handshake! Fear me and my hand's ability to overcome insecurities stemming from childhood torment!
There’s a difference between a good “firm” handshake – palms clenched together with just enough force to let you know it’s there without overstating its presence – and squeezing the blood circulation out of the hand of another because you want everyone to know that you, Hulk, are strongest one there is.
By the way, the person making the observation on Twitter was a woman. I had always assumed it was inappropriate when shaking hands with a woman to get too firm or strong with your handshake. Call me sexist, but I treat a ladies hand with respect. I know it can take my normal handshake, yes, but I get a little more gentle than I normally would when it comes to the fairer sex. You don’t just yank a lady’s hand towards you and squeeze, guys. You have to take it with respect, as if it’s your equal. Then, rather than keep shaking you just hold it and give it the firm but caring motion it deserves.
"Yes, thanks, it was nice meeting you too. Yep. Thanks. Mm-hmm. ...you can let go now, Mr. Madeo..."
Sorry, where was I? Oh, yes! The handshake.
It’s been an accepted greeting for many, many years. It’s been in our culture for so long, in fact, that sociologists and historians are uncertain of its origins. While some maintain that it originated in Medieval Europe as a means of showing that neither man was carrying a weapon, others maintain that it evolved in the Arab world from the practice of extending one’s hand in order to have it kissed.
Regardless of where it came from, we must now address the heightened level of uncertainty as it pertains to proper form. In the age of an increasingly “globalized” society, is the handshake as important as it used to be, and is it even necessary to learn proper technique? While some folks are still brought up with the idea that a strong, firm web to web shake is a must in order for a person to be successful in their professional and personal endeavors, I have to wonder if it really does carry as much weight as it used to.
Me, I’m all for us doing away with the handshake completely. I find it to be a clumsy, confusing, and arbitrary gesture. It’s one of those things that’s not weird until you think about it. I mean, how did we as humans, with all the tools and social graces at our disposal, decided at some point that the best way to greet someone was to stick one arm out with an open hand and hope that a person not only knows what the Hell to do with it, but also how hard they should do it? I don’t trust most people to make my coffee, let alone with my appendages.
"Hey, buddy, high-five---WHOA! Easy, buddy, you missed that one more than my wife and children miss me on weekends!"
I think our lives would be lot easier – and our hands in much better, er, hands – if we just went with the high-five. I mean, sure, people CAN high-five too hard. The nature of the gesture, however, makes it less likely to occur than a bad handshake. A high-five is as much a visual undertaking as it is physical, so people will be less apt to high-five you TOO hard. Everybody would notice a jerk that high-fives people too hard, because s/he would make a total spectacle of him/herself. They’d go “man, look at that jerk over-enthusiastically high-fiving that other guy. He’s never gonna land that account.”
So, dear readers, I turn it over to you. How do you shake hands and/or how were you taught to shake hands? Do you shake hands differently with a man than with a woman? And seriously, how awesome is my idea to replace shaking hands with high-fives? If you don’t think it’s awesome (WHAT?!), what do you suggest?
Share it!
11 Responses to Give Us a Hand, Not an Injury
Leave a Reply
STALK ME
I’m not for the “high-five” unless it’s something that I’m celebrating. The fist bump is also popular, and something I generally do with friends. It is a bit of a guy thing, so sometimes I have to remind my guy friends that I am a woman, and the fist bump can be replaced with a hug (at times).
I’m a firm shaker. I don’t like feeling like I’m grasping a wet noodle when I shake hands. Granted I also try not to kill someone’s hand if they are the “wet noodle” shaker, I will adjust my shake to fit the other shake. IMHO, I don’t have anything that I’m compensating for, but do appreciate someone who can shake with confidence!
I definitely feel that when shaking a woman’s hand, you should be much more gentle. Some women will actually give you their fingers only (not “the” finger) and you should shake that way. That’s pretty old school, so I mostly only see it with the older generation as of late.
I don’t understand the guys that feel they have to crush your hand. Perhaps they have something to prove. A good, firm handshake is all that is appropriate. No more, no less.
I don’t like handshakes for one big reason… GERMS!! Do you know how many people do not properly wash their hands? Instead of handshakes and high fives, we should move to fist bumping – there has to be less germs transferred that way.
I like a plain old handshake. Firm, but not crushing.
I hate when some goes for the “pound” or whatever it’s called and trys to turn my handshake into this weird thing where my fingers are being pulled towards the person and then some strange half hug is then applied.
It’s all a bit much.
Simple handshake would have sufficed.
i believe nin handshakes, with that said there is a simple way to protect your hand from the over-enthusiastically hand shake is to gently press your thumb between their thumb and pointer and this prevents them from squeezing too hard.
I’m too clumsy for high fives. Some one might lose an eye. And how else am I supposed to check for weapons in some one’s sleeve?
I find women, particularly ‘powerful’ women, have the worst handshakes. There’s one woman who I see out now and again and I *dread* it when she sticks her hand out. At least now I know to brace myself for it, but still.
While in Hungary many years ago, our guide taught us that proper ladies there would put their hand out at a 45-degree angle when shaking with a man. If the man turned your hand up and shook it, he wasn’t a gentleman. If he turned it downwards and kissed it, he was. I’ve used that method ever since, simply because it’s kind of fun to make that judgment when you meet someone (and occasionally, you meet a charmer who catches on). During the cold and flu season, however, I’m all about the long-distance wave.
#5 (Joe) – Good advice! That’s some straight-up kung fu s*** right there. I like it.
#7 (Laurel) – That is actually almost what I do with a woman. However, kissing the hand isn’t as socially acceptable in our American culture, as it can be interpreted as inappropriate and/or demeaning depending on the situation.
In business-like situations, I often find a woman will let you know that a regular “proper” handshake is appropriate. Otherwise, I can tell you how I shake a woman’s hand (I meant to put this in the article) – regardless of how it’s offered, I turn it at a slight angle; 45 degrees, like you said. I don’t really shake it as much; if I do, it’s very light. I opt not for the kiss for the reasons already stated.
A well done handshake is a good thing — a poorly done handshake is awkward, unpleasant, and can leave a poor impression.
Let’s just go with the fist bump.
I can shake the hand of my quadriplegic wheelchair-bound uncle but he can’t return a high-five. Okay, I just made that person up out of thin air, but a lack of motor coordination is one argument firmly in favor of a handshake. It doesn’t have to be instantaneous nor hurried.
Ever have an awkward handshake with someone, because one person didn’t expect it to occur or because of some other confusion? Well, it starts out awkward, but by the time you finally manage to clasp hands, all is forgotten. An awkward high five will plop its nasty self right between the two and people and remain well after the gesture was completed or abandoned.
And one could go on and on about the symbolism behind a handshake — the extension displays a desire to connect, the open hand shows you’re unarmed, placing your hand in another’s is a bow-like sign of submission or trust, etc. It just makes sense.
Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.