Present Tense After Dark: How to Talk to Women the Steven Raucci Way

It’s Wednesday night, and it’s getting late. You know what that means. As day gives way to night, it’s time for In tPresent Tense After Dark. This one’s just for the ladies. So fellas, hit the bricks. Go tell Mark McGuire what you think of the new NFL play-off overtime rules. Me and the ladies, we gotta talk some news.

Some sexy news.

This week’s sexy newsmaker: Smooth-Talkin’ Steven Raucci.

Awwwwwwwww yeah. (TU photo)

Now here’s a man who doesn’t mince words. He knows how to talk to you ladies. So I visited him in jail earlier this week, and he gave me some sage advice. So I’ve taken his guidelines for the workplace and adopted them for this blog.

Pay attention, ladies, because I’m only gonna say this once…in a deep baritone voice.

(Please click to listen to sexy saxophone music while reading the following guidelines for being a reader of Kevin Marshall: In the Present Tense)

TO: Lady Readers
FROM: Kevin Marshall, TimesUnion.com Blogger
RE: ‘sup Ladies?
DATE: March 24th, 2010

Why hello there. I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted for a position…as a reader of this blog.

Additional conditions for reading this blog are as follows:

• Be sure your blogger is always happy
• Take time every day to keep your appearance pleasing for your blogger.
• Be attentive to your blogger’s needs and wants during the blog post.
• Always keep your hair at its present length or as closely as possible.
• Talk to your blogger as often as needed for him to feel comfortable.
• Always remember that your blogger is a man first and a blogger second and he should be treated as such in that sequence.
• Being attractive, sensitive, and classy with a touch of sexiness, are crucial to the position
• If you are married or living with a significant other, it must be understood that during the hours of 7am-3:30pm you are there for your blogger.
• Always express your feelings on anything that does not set well with you both in the office and out.
• Your health, physical condition must always be your top priorities.
• NEVER forget that you were chosen to read this blog because you met all the above criteria.

Got it, ladies? Good. That’s what living In the Present Tense is all about.

And Steve-O: thanks again for the tips, player. You are, indeed, one smooth mamma-jamma.