My single friends often say all the good ones are taken or married. But I maintain that a lot of the bad ones are too; Hell, some of the worst people I know are married. Despite what other people my age might believe, I don’t think I’m at a point yet (I’m 28) where it’s super difficult to find someone. I know a good number of people from college that are married, but most of the people in my personal circles are still unmarried, and a good number of those are single.
But while there may be power in numbers, there’s little comfort. People still carry a lot of angst about being single, particularly those of us that are nearing (or at) the big three oh. However, I also notice that a lot of us aren’t really clear on what we want.
When it comes to what we want as a whole, there is no simple answer. I read a good number of blogs and magazine articles that purport to tell someone what men or women as a whole want. It’s all bunk and fluff with no basis in reality. While there are still some universal truths when it comes to things like dating etiquette, every person has their own unique ideas goals when it comes to work, professional life, family, and romance.
Some people I know are pretty up-front about it. They want to find their future wife or husband, get married, and have a butt-load of kids. Fact: a “butt-load” is the equivalent of 2.5 children. This is proven by science. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all. More power to them, I say, and I sincerely hope they get it. Because on the whole, most of my friends deserve to get what they want in life.
For me personally, I get uncomfortable when someone asks me on a first date if I want to have kids. Don’t get me wrong, I admire when a woman knows exactly what she wants, and if you’re the sort of person that wants children it’s absolutely something you should know is a possibility (or not) right from the get-go. It speaks more to my insecurities on the subject.
More important for me is finding out what I want in a partner. Do I want someone with a sense of humor, or do I want someone more serious minded who will counteract my natural silliness? Do I want someone who shares my hobbies and interests or do I want someone with their own interests so I can have my own personal time and space? These are the sort of questions I’m asking myself. And they’re the questions I need to figure out the answers to before I go out searching for “the one.”
I have a good, but not concrete, idea of what I want. And that, my friends, is why I’m still single.
I don’t know if I want kids. I’m not sure I want to get married. Hell, I’m not even sure if I want to be with someone on a long-term basis. The fact of the matter is, while I may get lonely from time to time, I’m fairly happy being on my own. I like having my own time. I enjoy having nieces and nephews, but also like that I can leave before I get too exhausted. Sure, there are certain aspects of my life that could be a lot better, but that’s always going to be the case. I can’t measure happiness and contentment by what I don’t have, but rather what I do have.
That doesn’t mean I’m completely against the idea of being in a relationship. What it does mean is that I’m not motivated nor do I have a sense of urgency to find someone. If the right person for me comes along, we get to know each other and fall in love? Sure. I’m not going to fight it. But I’m also not going to aggressively pursue something if I don’t know it’s there.
Deep down, I know that sort of attitude might be self-defeating, and I may come to a point later on in life where if I’m still single I’ll hit the panic button and join all those online dating sites and hit up all those singles events. But for now, I’m alright being single. Hopefully, there are plenty of women out there who are okay with being single too. I’m sure we’d get along great.
This concludes Dating Week here on Kevin Marshall: In the Present Tense. I want to thank all readers and commenters for sharing their feedback and their stories. It’s been a truly eye-opening experience for yours truly.
- Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…
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