Ten days ago, I received the message you see to your right informing me that OKCupid, the free online dating service I have been registered with and updating for years even though I have rarely used it for actual dating, considered me attractive. Not only did they consider me attractive, they informed me that because I was attractive, I would start seeing more attractive matches in my searches.
So the other night, I decided to flip through a few of them. I messaged one and never got a response. You win some, you lose some.
Then I got to another girl’s profile. Things were looking promising: she seemed nice enough, was pretty, didn’t have any noticeable red flags or anything like that. Then I looked at the rest of her pictures, and in one of them she was in a sexy pose and dressed in a cowgirl outfit, complete with tipped cowboy hat and daisy duke shorts.
And I said “next.”
Now, a real manly man would look at that picture and go “yowza! I should message her and latch onto some vague mutual interest! Lemme Google Rascal Flatts so I can pretend I know the words to that song I’ve barely heard.”
In the blue corner you have me, the poor excuse for a heterosexual male known as Kevin Marshall. Instead of taking it at face value and moving forward, I roll my eyes and move on.
You can call me shallow and narrow-minded and tell me what a foolish person I am, but I cannot possibly fathom being compatible with someone who dresses up as a sexy cowgirl and posts pictures of it on a dating site. At least part of it is because the picture makes me see her not so much as a real person, but as a caricature. But, mostly, it’s attributable to my own pretentiousness and insecurity.
Plus, I don’t think I could ever dress up as a sexy cowboy and be serious about it.
Sexy Cowgirl, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re a great gal. And I’m right positive you’ll find the right cowboy for you, and he’ll probably be a better man than I in many ways. So good luck on that ol’ dusty trail; at least our paths got the chance to cross, all because some intern decided I was cute.
I suppose the phrase “attractive matches” is less subjective than I realized.
- Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…
- Listen to me LIVE as guest co-host of Alternative to Sleeping tonight at 10pm!
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- Open Mic web series premiere tonight @ Lark Tavern
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