Kevin Marshall's America
That week-long cold I’d alluded to Friday caught up with me in a bad way over the weekend. By Saturday I was talking in a hushed whisper like Morrissey’s vocals in “Lifeguard Drowning, Girl Sleeping.” By Sunday, I’d lost my voice and needed to pick and choose my spots in order to speak.
Yesterday (Monday) I had to call in to work. In addition to completely losing my voice if I spoke for more than twenty seconds, I had developed a cough in the evening that kept me up for the better part of the night. It was one of those annoying tickles that no amount of tea, honey, lemon, or other soothing concoctions could remove. I’d lay in bed and just when I found myself on the precipice of REM sleep*, I’d be jolted awake by a coughing fit.
After calling into work, I decided to try to get some sleep. I woke up a couple hours later and called my doctor’s office, but got a pre-recorded message saying it was closed. I knew that wasn’t right, so I called again. After a third phone call I left a message, but after two hours didn’t hear anything back.
"WHO'S THIS?!"
So I gave it some time and called again in the afternoon. The phone rang three times and a woman picked up.
“Please hold.” *click*
I held.
*click* “Who’s this?!”
I was stunned and didn’t know how to respond. My first reaction was to say my name, but she doesn’t know who Kevin Marshall is. We didn’t get far enough to establish that.
So I squeaked out the only response I could muster: “Uh…a patient?”
After thirty of the most awkward seconds I’ve ever had on a telephone, I got through to someone else and made an appointment. It, too, was not without its travails. We had an exchange that led to me getting in to see a physician’s assistant, which is all I wanted in the first place. Yet it took far longer than it should have.
It was like a bad comedy skit. I’d laugh if I could.
And it all started because someone apparently doesn’t know how to use a telephone.
Listen, folks. If you have a phone at your work, answer it with “[Place of work], how can I help you?” Or even “This is [your name], how can I help you?” Or even “Ghostbusters, yeah, whaddaya want?”
Anything – ANYTHING – except “Who’s this?”
Because the next time it happens, you’re gonna know who I am.
* REM Sleep – The stage of sleep that’s supposedly great and influential, yet you find yourself pathologically forgetting it exists.
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21 Responses to Who’s This? -or- How to Answer the Damn Phone
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STALK ME
I could not read this post without saying, “Ghostbustiz,” in a nasally voice repeatedly…
You need to get yourself a new doctor, stat.
m – Yeahhhh…
Unfortunately, most people working the phones at doctor’s office are anything but professional. You just need to navigate through them to see a doctor that you trust. I made an appointment the other day for 9:00 at the doctor’s office. When I got the new patient paperwork, it said to arrive at 9:15. So of course, I called to ask about this. Turns out my appointment is really at 9:30, and the receptionist said, “well if we tell you that your appointment is at 9:00, you’ll be on time.” UM really???? What the heck is that?
Wow Kev you do’t go to MY doctors office in Troy do you? Almost always see a DA instead of the Dr, unless yo uhave a specific appointment made 6 mos in advance. So I guess the moral of the story is, don’t get sick between physicals.
jakester - I might…
I think this might say more about our health care as a whole (at least regionally) than it does any specific Doctor’s office.
That is a totally unprofessional way to answer the phone. I’m unemployed – maybe they should hire me! I had my own home business and couldn’t afford both a personal line and a business line. I answered the phone as follows: “Sue Smith speaking”. (not my real name) That seemed to cover both personal and business. One would think that in this day and age people would know how to answer the phone at a business! Someone failed at the training end of things at your doctors office. I would tell him/her about that.
I have a friend (a male) who answers his phone like this: “What is your age and your panty size?”
What happened to hello …
I recently called to make an appt at an opthamalic office. I knew the optician I had previously had seen was no longer there. In the course of inquiring, etc. the receptionist asked for my date of birth at least 3 times and called me ‘Hon’ so many times that I finally said “If you don’t stop calling me ‘hon’ I will cancel this appointment”!
sorry #4, if your doctor doesn’t care enough about you to know how his/her front staff functions then you need to go elsewhere
I hate when someone calls my home and then asks “who is this”. My response is always “I don’t know – you called me”.
I’m usually pretty creative with telemarketers though. Told one that the resident of the house (me) wasn’t home and that we had to go finish robbing theplace before the cops were called – click!
Sadly, this is just one more symptom of a society that is in freefall and largely abandoning notions of common courtesy and civility. From the way people drive to just the general manner in which they interact (or don’t interact) in public, it’s a throoughly depressing spectacle to witness on a daily basis.
Hopefully it’s a local thing, beacuse I will not be staying here when I retire. If it’s national trend, I’ll at least be spared our lousy winters!
When I lived in a Fraternity house in college, we used to have an issue. Someone would answer the phone, “Hello,” and the response was “Who’s this?” We were able to resolve this matter when people called and said, “Who’s this?” by stating, “Poor phone manners…*Click*” Most people got the message and called back saying, “Sorry, this is so&so, is blank there?”
It could have been worse. They could have hired Roger Daltrey to answer their phone. Or J. Cole.
Damn e-cigarettes!
Here is how I do it. The Person i am calling answeres, they say “hello” I say “Hi, this is (insert name here). Remember, you are calling them, not them calling you. If some question remains as to who each of you are, Then clarify with a little more detail. Especially if it is a professional office. Odds are, they have no idea who you are. Even though you may believe you are so important that everyone should know you simply by your voice. Oh yeah, that’s rigth! You can’t speak in your normal tone because you are sick. Hmmmmm, a bit of a qaugmire. Oh Well. suck it up buttercup. you aren’t the only one with a cold, nor are you the only one who probably got frustrated after having called the werong number multiple times. Besides, ‘Don’t they know who you think you are?”
tiredofthehorrorstories – I think you should read things before commenting.
I handle it by asking “Whom are you calling?” Love the answers. Might be fun to be them instead of me!
@16: The correct way to answer is: “How can I help you?” not “Who’s this?!” Especially if it is a professional office. The staff in Kevin’s Doctor’s office doesn’t sound very professional to me. I see several doctors and each one has a top notch staff—none of this “Who’s this?!” nonsense.
Ridiculous and it’s everywhere from doctor’s offices to the supermarket. Customer/client/patient services is a lost art. Rudeness and lack of manners prevails. A shame.
I worked in many doctors offices and that is not how you greet people on the phone. You are to give the dr’s name or practice name, your name, and ask how you could help them. If you need to put them on hold, you ask their permission and when, you come back thank them for waiting and even if you aren’t sure if it is an outside line, you ask how you could help them. I have worked with many competant and watch many incompetant people get fired for exactly the same thing as what happened to you. I can guarantee you, one word to the dr and either she would change the tone or she would be gone.
Hint to the wiser commenters: you usually know what line is blinking and if it is an outside call or not.