Kevin Marshall's America
Facebook: making you hate your friends since 2004.
So I have this group of friends that has a habit of sending a message on Facebook to 25 people at a time. Often it’s to organize a get-together that I invariably can’t make due to a prior commitment.
Unfortunately, even though I’m not going, I still get the messages.
See, Facebook doesn’t give you the ability to opt out of these messages. Once that message is sent and people start replying, you’re going to get every single reply no matter what you do.
Curse you, Zuckerberg. (Image via Wikipedia)
A few months back I brought this to their attention. I was pretty polite about it, noting that I get e-mail notifications every time someone replies, and if they wanted in the future to organize something involving a large number of people they should create an event. That way, only the people that say they’re going will get the onslaught of messages.
Well, word got back to me that I was an a**hole for politely asking that they not flood my inbox. As a result, I’m still getting these messages to go do karaoke, or ice skating, or some other event, and now I’m getting messages from complete strangers telling me that they have a few options for this event that I am not attending.
As a result, I’ve had to turn off e-mail notifications for messages, which I sort of miss since it was pretty convenient.
Folks, I write this today not to crucify those friends who called me an a**hole for asking to be extended some courtesy, but rather to establish some Facebook Rules of Etiquette.
1. DO NOT SEND A MESSAGE TO MORE THAN FIVE PEOPLE AT A TIME. If you need to do so, particularly if you’re trying to organize an outing, create an event. Or – here’s a novel concept – pick up your damn phone.
2. ENOUGH WITH THE FARMVILLE ALREADY. Don’t send someone an invite or request for hay or whatever the Hell it is unless you know they’re already playing. If you’re not sure, poke around, or ask.
3. KNOW WHAT YOU’RE INVITING ME TO. I’m probably not going to make a dinner in Tuledo, nor am I likely to attend a Republican fundraiser when I lean so far left I make five-year plans for my Facebook wall.
4. DON’T ARGUE WITH PEOPLE IN MY STATUS OR ON MY WALL. If you have a gripe, take it to personal message. On a related note,
5. REMEMBER THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE WHAT YOU WRITE. “God,” you say, “so and so is such a dirty jerk.” So and so is a Facebook friend, you twit, and now I’ve been dragged into your unnecessary drama.
6. DON’T POST A COMMENT ON MY STATUS THAT SHOULD BE A PRIVATE MESSAGE. Me: “Can’t wait for the next episode of Fringe!” You, in reply: “Hey, did the test results come back from the Doctor and do I need to start making phone calls?” No. I mean, not no they didn’t come back (they did and you do need to make those calls), but no, don’t do that. Send me a private message. Or, again, pick up a damn phone.
Alright, folks, turning it over to you. Got any new rules for Facebook?
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42 Responses to New Rules of Facebook Etiquette
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STALK ME
By all means, if you’re going out for a few hours, post a status about it, so I can rob your house while you’re at Olive Garden.
Kevin you are spot on. I completely get annoyed by the same things. One pet peeve that isn’t listed for me is : Just because we have a “mutual” friend, doesnt mean I know you or will accept your friend request. Whatever happened to knowing who you share your info with? People are so panic stricken about people getting credit card info, etc. But because your friend might be friends with this person its ok? Sorry some of us are not in high school and dont need thousands of friends.
Well … I think you hit them all except for “20 baby cheetahs will die tomorrow if we don’t adopt them out to cheetah loving homes TODAY! and no I didn’t check Snopes first! and I don’t care that this has been running around the interwebs for 8 years!!! THINK OF THE CHEETAHS!”
LOVE IT! I have the same gripes and I just don’t understand why everyone doesn’t feel this way. Another thing I hate is when someone comments on a post with something that isn’t necessarily ‘private’ material but has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the topic at hand. For instance, Post: ‘What Do You Think About Adopting A Baby Of A Different Race?’, Random Comment: ‘Hey, BB, how was the party last night?’ Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You can either post that question directly to my wall, inbox, text or call me. DO NOT interrupt a (really good) discussion with some random question or statement…..it’s RUDE!
I’m sure I can think of more but I guess I should do some work now…..have a good day, Kevin!
Here’s one that I’d love to see implemented.
If you ever have an issue with Facebook – either involving your account getting hacked or some other technical issue – there needs to be a phone number where you can call a human being, not just some nebulous “leave a recording after the beep” that they may or may not respond to. Certainly there’s enough money in the Facebook slush fund to provide a salary for a phone bank.
If you have daily status updates about politics (doesn’t matter the party), I’ll delete you. If you’re constantly trying to get me to buy your weight loss products, I’ll delete you. If you want me to play any “ville”, I’ll delete you.
And I’m with you on hating mass messages. I’m constantly getting messages about a bridal shower that I can’t go to and the MOH keeps sending messages asking to RSVP. STOP IT please!!
I enjoyed this blog, especially the part about posting private messages publically as sometimes those are hilarious.
In response to #5.
Facebook is free to use, therefore the people using it are not customers in the typical sense. The next time you have an issue contact their sales team, you are more likely to get a reply since it is ad revenue which drives their value.
I so badly want to share this on my facebook page and tag every one of my friends who has broken one (or more) of these rules. I won’t – but I want to.
I second kicknknit’s rule about the “save the baby platypus” statuses. I’d also like to add that I am aware that cancer (in many forms) is devastating. But guessing the color of your bra, where you keep your purse, or your favorite drink doesn’t make me want to donate money to anything.
Facebook is the perfect media for unloved children. Call it ButtBook for all I care.
…ButtBook?
Haha LOVE it. Thank you. I’ll be sharing this post.
I hate when people abuse the like button. The button serves a purpose. But if we’ve been “friends” for a year and you have “liked” more things then I can count, but have never left me a comment? I’m doubting the sincerity behind your “like”.
Another timely and satisfying reminder of why I devoted only two hours of my life to being signed onto Facebook.
But without 4-6 we would never be able to enjoy “Lamebook”
I don’t care about what you had for dinner, I don’t want to hear about your puking child, and I don’t care if you are “in a relationship” or “single”. Some people change their dating status as often as their underwear. If you have something to say, call me on the damn phone!!!!
Just because we are family, doesn’t mean you have to *Like* or comment on every single status update, picture or stupid youtube video I post. If you weren’t family, I’d probably delete you.
Here’s another one that seems obvious:
If someone posts some unfortunate news (i.e. the passing of a loved one, something bad that happened to them, etc), please do not click the like button. Only use the “like” function if there is any content to actually like.
How about telling me when you are going to bed at night? I don’t care. I go to bed every night too.
“Long live the Zuck!”
Yeah okay, speaking of etiquette, either accept me as a friend (for the request I politely sent to you ages ago) or politely ignore me. How bout that kev?
Nancy – Wasn’t I already doing what you suggested (politely ignoring)? I have no idea who you are!
Don’t talk to people about facebook that don’t have facebook
All I can say about *ville is thank $deity that there’s an “X” on each post that will let you ignore all posts from that app. Otherwise my page would be unreadable from all the family members (who I really can’t/shouldn’t block) playing their games.
Wushupork - Oh man, totally. What a difference that has made.
93% of people won’t like this blog post.
I have one…those “repost this message if” statuses. Can we just quit them, please? I don’t need to read some Hallmark-y status message about your sister especially when, 2 weeks ago, you made it clear via status message that you weren’t getting along with her. I also don’t need to be reminded that you think you have the greatest children in the world with some failed greeting card message in your status. Your 4,000 pictures a day remind me plenty.
When people feel the need to sign their names when they make an illiterate comment: “Your so right lol i cant believe it. -Trudy” OR
“Thanks for posting the picture. I love you. -Mom”
Your name is attached to every frikkin comment. We know it’s you.
And can we please just call “time of death” on LOL?
I just unlocked a question about you. The question is… are you willing to sign up for the “I just unlocked a question about you” to find out what that question is I asked about you, and if so, did I get the question right about the question I asked about you?
[BANG] [BANG] [BANG]
That was me banging my head against a tree trunk.
Don’t have a facebook account. But I would suggest not “friending” every a-hole that asks…
What about when someone “likes” their own status. That is pretty darn funny.
I think that I violated #4 yesterday.
I hope some of you people don’t ever end up my Facebook friend. You sound bitter and spiteful.
Kevin, I share your frustration with the use of inbox messages to organize events. I hope the public will heed your advice.
Katie – You are the future. It’s on you to make this change happen.
This post needs a “like” button (and so do many of the comments).
Ellen – the post actually DOES have a like button – click it!
(it’s on the bottom of the post itself)
I agree with #26 – I’m definitely not a fan of the “repost” status updates.
BTW: Fringe = an awesome show.
Don’t post ‘news’ about a friend if it’s not something your friend has already posted or would want announced to the immediate world. It’s especially obnoxious if you broadcast it and then write about how it affects YOU! If you are unsure – don’t post it.
By the way, guys, MJS is pregnant! Congratulations!
(joking)
Is it out-of-line to down-load pictures that friends post?