Kevin Marshall's America
A picture of my girlfriend. Nah, you wouldn't know her. She lives in Canada. I met her while I was visiting my Uncle. She's really really into me.
It used to be so much easier to have an imaginary girlfriend. You’d just fabricate or use an existing vacation taken during Spring or Summer Break, lie to your friends about what you did, and boom: girlfriend in Canada.
Unfortunately, you can’t get away with that anymore. The first question people will ask is why you haven’t changed your relationship status on Facebook. Then they’ll ask where she is on Facebook, or Twitter, or Tumblr, or Xanga (if you and your friends are total losers). The internet in the 21st Century has totally blown up our fake girlfriend spot.
…or has it?
The good news, ladies and gentlemen, is that there’s a new service: it’s called Cloud Girlfriend, and boy is it ingenious. Need to support that big lie you told your friends at a sleepover? No worries, Cloud Girlfriend will create her for you with ease. Mom’s on your case about the fact that you watch Bravo reality shows all day and you need a beard to throw her off your scent? Then look no further than Cloud Girlfriend!
The concept is simple: Cloud Girlfriend will create an online social media presence for your fake girlfriend. She’ll even post on your wall.
The bad news, however, is that the company is just a start-up for now. The website for Cloud Girlfriend simply pitches the product and asks you for an e-mail to be notified when it launches.
So until then, you’ll have to tell people that your fake girlfriend in Canada is one of those people that hates Facebook, or she’s not on there because her ex-boyfriend stalks her even though you don’t think he will anymore because you beat him up using your Muay Thai skills.
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9 Responses to New service creates fake girlfriend to post on your Facebook wall
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STALK ME
Hm.
Two terms that should probably come into the lexicon now, particularly in the science of psycholinguistics:
Search engine riddler: Someone who tries to write “messages” about thoughts or emotions by posting Google News (or Yahoo or other search engine) articles associated with simple phrases (usually 1-3 words) that run through their head, such as “fake girlfriend.”
Search engine Rorschach: The conscious use of the search engine riddling to try and understand the psychology of people around them.
BTW, these tools are old hat to actual programmers. They’re called “Pandorabots,” and their genetically related to spambots. ALICE is a Pandorabot, for example: http://alicebot.blogspot.com/ .
The service is just exploiting shareware and minimally licensed Pandorabot tech.
“or Xanga (if you and your friends are total losers)” hahah, what about LiveJournal?
Why don’t you just get a fake/secondary email and create your own fake girlfriend if you’re that desperate.. or maybe you should just talk to girls and get a girlfriend.. amirite?.. wait, that would be more work (and you’d actually have to talk to a girl).. nevermind
Hey, that’s a picture of MY girlfriend!
Does she come complete with a fake restraining order for when things get “too real”?
That would be soooo DESPERATE!
And hopefully you’re doing so well in the girlfriend department Kevin that you’ll never have to consider something like this! :)
She’s your girlfriend? I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian.
A. – Popular rumor, but no, she’s not.