Kevin Marshall's America
Have you heard the AWESOME news? CUE GUITAR SOLO
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the world is ending this Saturday.
It’s true! According to the internet and various bumper stickers, this coming Saturday – May 21st, 2011 – is Judgement Day. Why? Because.
Like Christmas or an ex-girlfriend I see when I’m out in Albany and try to avoid, this one snuck up on me. I’ve been aware of it for months now, but I had so many other things occupying my mind such as what I want done at my funeral that I didn’t even have time to adequately prepare a bucket list.
I’m not a religious man, so I don’t believe in a Heaven or an after-life, let alone that the deeds I commit on Earth have any bearing whatsoever on what happens to me after I expire. However, I do trust Family Radio head honcho Harold Camping and his loyal followers and acolytes, because they seem far too certain to be wrong about this.
I guess what I’m saying is I’m going to be a tornado of selfishness and hedonism the next five days, so watch out!
Ladies, I’ll be sexing everything that moves, so get in line while the getting’s good. Food, you better be in good supply, because I’m going to eat you all. Workplace…well, it’s been a fun ride, but I won’t be in this week because why bother? Instead, I’ll work diligently on my novel this week so that I can say “I’m writin’ ’til the Rapture comes” all folksy-like. On Tuesday, I’m going to have a group of actors come up from New York and do staged readings of the two short plays that I’ve completed then stiff them for the payment I promised. On Wednesday, I’m going to break my New Year’s promise and eat some Reese’s Pieces. Thursday will be Thor’s Day, and I will conduct myself with the utmost arrogance dressed as the God of Thunder (on an unrelated note I finally saw that film – more on that tomorrow). On Friday, I will call my loved ones and tell them that I love them. Then I will call my enemies and tell them that I hate them (Mike Huber).
I’m going to follow the advice of that poem or greeting card or whatever. I will dance like nobody’s watching, love like I’ve never been loved, and Kat Dennings, will you marry me? We won’t have much time to plan a wedding, but I know an Elvis impersonator. It’ll be the best of times, and the worst of times, as we approach the end times.
I wish I’d known about the Rapture earlier. I could’ve been living quite a fantastic life.
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46 Responses to The world is ending Saturday, May 21st 2011
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STALK ME
“…this coming Saturday – May 21st, 2011 – is Judgement Day.”
God I friggin hope not! My vacation starts May 22!
Well, that’s a bummer. I went ahead and made my car payment.
I thought we had on 2012, anyway? I feel totally cheated.
Sue - You were going by the Mayan calendar? You heathen.
OH GREAT….. May 21st, 2011 is my wedding day…. I kind of joked that it was the end of MY life…. I didn’t think that it was going to be true!
What do these people do after they discover that the world didn’t actually end? (Did I ruin the surprise?) Seriously? How do “followers” of this particular religion continue to buy into the validity of the faith when the world doesn’t end on the date that the faith claims it will? When you buy a knife that is supposed to cut through shoes and it doesn’t cut through shoes, you return it and never buy anything from that company again… because they clearly lie!
James – Good question! Please see my latest blog post – http://blog.timesunion.com/marshall/the-world-is-ending-saturday-may-21st-2011/5172/
I got two words for this religous group…”shut the F___ up! (I love that quip)…oh, and I have that knife…and the shoe.
James – what type of knife do you recommend for cutting through shoes? Boots? Slippers? Just curious b/c I have been meaning to cut most of my footwear in half, but I just can’t decide on the right implement.
Do we have any idea what time on Saturday? I’ve got things to do.
No one drink the Koolaide! I’m putting my chips in with the Mayans. Next year.
Screw you Case Card!!
Technically, the end of the world only begins on May 21st. If you really read up on this, you’ll find that the rapture is actually expected to last several months, requiring until October 21st, 2011 to actually complete… So the world is not ending this weekend, just starting the end phrase.
I didn’t really care about this but the info keep coming up in my google searches for info on a 3rd Nic Cage “National Treasure” movie…
GenWar - I know, but it’s more entertaining (and still accurate) to say the world’s ending on Saturday, because for many it would be. Even if you say “it’s the beginning of the end.”
This whole time I thought we had until 2012. Shows how much I was paying attention…
honestly, i dont believe the worlds gonna end on saturday! everyone is just exaggerating!
From “88 reasons why the world will end in 1988″ to the Jehovah Witness’s numerous failed prophecies, to all of Hal Lindsay’s “Late Great Planet Earth” mush……………Not to mention the hundreds of incorrect ‘end is near’ prophecies since 30AD. This Saturday May 21st will likely add it’s name to the ranks of a long list of incorrect End times prophecies. (Which are mostly based on OT scripture meant for another time and place, but that’s just my opinion)
Might as well get a “Rapture Vet” shirt….hahaha
http://www.zazzle.com/rapture_vet_may_21st_2011_tshirt-235362460521842213?group=mens&lifestyle=classic&rf=238388911673689288
The world isn’t allowed to end.
That would be completely cheating!!!! :(
Plus, it’s my birthday on Sunday. No way, the world ain’t allowed to end, just cos some guys say so. Anyway the Mayans who wrote the calendar probably got bored and decided to stop writing numbers.
Hahaha, If it doesn’t end then it’ll be funny. It’s hardly likely to end anyway! :D But if it does then oh well, hardly much we can do about it! As NZ’ers we’ll be the first gone. LOL
I hope the people who talk this crap are raptured. Then we don’t have to listen to this anymore!!!
The world will end but the dislike of Mike Huber will last forever
I SWEAR I WILL BE LUAGHING SO HARD IF IT DOESN’T END!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean come on there have been many other predictions like for 2006 or something and nothing ever happens!And it can’t end becuase im to young to die im only 12
Noeli, what do you mean “If”? It won’t. You can count on having a good laugh. :-)
There is no scientific proof this is going to occur, The religious group just want something to look forward too. To think all that money
wasted on bumper stickers and ads. If the world is going to end what time do we go by Pst or Cst lol :)
Lmfao!! I’m literally cracking da efff up who ever think da world ending on Saturday or its da so called “beginning” should all effing kill yaselfs..for one da world not ending cuz in da bible it says dat no one will kno date or time dat God will.return so them so called “christians” cud go suck a fat one n die yu effing no life mothereffers if da world end it would prolly b on a regular ass day wen nobody least expect it .. if nething 2012 is more believable cuz deas sum sort of scientific evidence but I honestly think dat da Mayan ppl decided ta stop writing da Dayum calendar cuz they got tired n figured they wouldn’t b alive dat long anyway …eff it….
I am a christian and have graduated from Bible college. First of all, please do not let this group represent the entire body of Christ and the christian population. They dont. Second of all, i hate to burst this group’s bubble, but there is no “last day” in the bible. there is no day where God destroys all of creation in an earthquake or whetever these people are saying. Yes I said it, there is no day of armageddon, its not in the bible. These people have not twisted parts of the bible, they have completely made stuff up that doesnt exist at all. This religious group ( which is exactly what they are and I hate religious people, guess what? so does God. Thats right, God hates religion) are not christians. That, I have biblical proof of.
lame.
i bet it doesent end god said no one knows the time or day
Well, this sucks. I’m supposed to be graduating high school on the 29th.
I must say that media is awesome in the way that it allows people to showcase how naive they are.
…Why does everyone seem so disappointed that the world will not be ending Saturday?
LMAO at Lulu’s comment!
This is hilarious (and I’m not just talking about Lulu’s spelling and grammar).
By the way, have any of you seen the Mayan calendar? It’s pretty clear they just ran out of room, kids.
kimelodic - True. The Mayans didn’t intend for it to end; rather, it resets. For the very reason you mentioned.
NICE so with this “rapture” lasting til October, I’ll still be able to see Bradley Cooper in Schenectady in September?
ilovenick – So long as you keep on sinning.
I’m following the Mayan calendar… gives me more time!
i work in a cabinet shop worked all week cleaning and fixing it up for better perduction, ill finish tomarrow friday may 20th if we beleave evey time some one said it the end ,wow we would be in trouble, so like allwas i beleave ill just ride this out , noone will ever know the end of time ,we will know when it happens,untill then , just live life to its fullest,and treat people good ,
YA R SO DUMN DA WORLD ISNT GOING TO END DER HAS BEEN PREDICTIONS OF DIS HAPPENIN ALL THROUGHT HISTORY SO THIS IS JUST ANOTHER HOAKS JUST A LIE SO THIS GUY CAN GET ATTENTION ATLEAST BE REASNOBLE
First of all, I’d you’re not going to write out something in simple English (*cough* Lulu and Guy *cough*) then you shouldn’t write on an online public forum at all. It took wayyyyy longer than it should have to decipher.
Second, I second everything Justin said.
Haha, whoops. That’s if* not I’d. Atleast I can blame autocorrect.
What the fudge!!!!
No one knows when the world ends. Only our father in heaven knows. Not even the angles know.And how do we even know to trust this Harold Camping guy.He said the world would in 1994…….were still here arn’t we. I think everyone who is a Christain should trust in God and the bible when it says “NO ONE KNOWS WHEN THE WORLD WILL END”
@12 Thanks for clearing that up. That means I’ll STILL be able to see “The Hangover 2″ on the 26th.
A friend was extremely disappointed the world did not end at the onset of 2000 and (emotionally) had it all planned out. What a downer.
That’s just dumb cuz in 2000 we were suppost to die but look were still alive and if we do die today then i would love to tell everyone in the whole wide that jesus christ will take care of no matter what happens us and if we don’t die then god told the world ” no the world will not end now nor will it ever”
Yeah “according to the Internet” I hate the people who actually believe in these when it’s not true at all
All of you who believe the worlds going to end are crazy. What are u going to do when it doesnt and u have nothing because u were planning on the world ending? Cant believe people are this stupid like really
haha guess what its saturday may the 21 2011 and im still her haha
No one can say when the world is going to end but God. SO of course the world didn’t end today. It says it in the bible only god can say when the world will end. So you should just live life to the fullest everyday. You know never what will happen. But you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.