Well, kids, this is it. I’m leaving first thing tomorrow morning. My visits home will be few and far between, and when they happen, they’ll be exclusive to family.
Thanks, Troy, for being there as I grew up. Thanks, Albany, for sitting across the river and reminding me of what I don’t want.
Thanks to family, those that stuck by.
Thanks to friends, those that became family.
And thanks to all who thought I could do the things that I didn’t think I could do, and those that continue to have far more faith in my abilities than I have in my own. Your strength will carry me through all adventures.
ALSO BE SURE TO FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR, SINCE THIS BLOG IS NO LONGER THE PREFERRED METHOD:
I’m going to be the guest co-host for Alternative to Sleeping tonight on 90.9 WCDB FM! I’ll be with regular host Ethan Ullman for two hours to talk stand-up comedy as well as playing some of my favorite clips from my favorite comics, including but not limited to Patton Oswalt, Todd Barry, Natasha Leggero, Paul F. Tompkins and many many more.
It’s going to be a great time and an even greater listen.
LISTEN LIVE TONIGHT at 10 pm ET: WCDB 90.9 FM in Albany
LIKE US ALL ON FACEBOOK
I don’t write much about local media anymore because 1.) I have bigger fish to fry (seriously) and 2.) it’s podunky and boring. But this caught my eye and it was just too hilarious and sad for me not to vent about it:
In short: the Times Union published an article in an insert about people that ignored their realtors’ advice. Realtors in the area were REALLY ANGRY because people were like “realtors? Eh.” So the Times Union decided to call them all in, gave a very heartfelt and public apology, and did a full-page ad for a full week – for free – extolling the virtue of realtors.
This is so goddamn ridiculous and gross in a myriad of ways.
First you have the Realtors, who feigned being so angry and upset! At least, I hope they were faking it. Otherwise they’re way too thin-skinned for the industry they’re in. Or just plain fucking crazy, because if it only takes someone tweeting “eh, idunno about realtors” to get you that upset, you’re a goddamn headcase. I don’t care what you do. For Christ’s sake, I’ve had worse things written about me on their blogs and laughed it off. And can you imagine other people crying foul at a handful of readers saying they ignore them? Why, the whole of the local radio industry would be marching down Wolf Road carrying pitchforks and torches!
Then you have George Hearst III, who responded by apologizing profusely and throwing his own staff under the bus, saying the article (which was dumb but essentially harmless) was “one-sided.” So, yeah, the publisher and, subsequently, Times Union as a whole decide to pull back the curtain to show everyone how ferociously the suck at the teet of advertisers. Which, granted, has been the case for a long time, but there’s a lot to be said for acting like you’ve fucking been there before. At least put up something resembling a front of dignity, guys.
The article itself? Misguided. Not by its tone so much as the crowd-sourcing for content and quotes. That shit really, really needs to stop, and all this nonsense is a perfect example why. When you get that sloppy and lazy with your work, you deserve everything that comes to you as fall-out. This isn’t Kristi Gustafson Barlette’s fault, either. It’s a direction the Times Union has gone in and encouraged far too often. Just last week I was told I was “quoted” in a story, which was a shock to me because I didn’t give any interviews. Turns out they showed something I tweeted about the movement to get Tim Tebow to call the survivor of a car crash. Which is fine, because again, it’s fair game. But the fact that there was an article in the Times Union precipitated by me and another user’s tweets is pretty fucking sad.
Seriously, if I pitched an article to Spike where I said “hey, how about I tweet out ‘what’d you guys think of IMPACT this week’ and write up the responses I get,” I’d be very politely told that it’s a very dumb and lazy pitch. And we’re not news. It’s not an issue of ethics so much as it’s just boring.
What. A. Mess.
Tonight’s the premiere for the Open Mic web series at Lark Tavern. It’s a project that’s been in development for over a year by a few local comedian friends.
It’s only $5. You’ll get a good show from that crowd. I’ll be there along with all the cool kids in Albany.
Here’s a preview trailer:
Disclosure: in a future third episode, yet to be filmed, I make a pretty prominent appearance.
You’ll want to watch “Eddie Murphy: One Night Only” when it premieres tonight at 10/9c on Spike.
One of my earliest memories associated with comedy is Eddie Murphy’s run on Saturday Night Live, including but not limited to the legendary “Mr. Rogers” and “Buckwheat” skits. In later years I would revisit this work and I was astounded at how well it all held up, particularly against the rest of the stuff being offered at the time. By and large, sketch comedy doesn’t age well. The pressures of producing weekly episodic television creates a sort of hyper-relevance that makes a show aired six months ago seem dated, particularly when a writing staff might be overworked and/or not quite up to snuff. The modern SNL has been the worst of it, where they have skits that literally just re-enact things they saw in the news.
Yet Eddie’s work was and remains timeless, his character work impeccable, and some of his stuff so esoteric – for example his portrayal of Gumby as an old Borscht Belt comedian bitter over being forced to play a sickeningly sweet character whenever the cameras were on – that it defies context.
I wrote more about Eddie’s versatility here:
Why do I keep calling him Eddie? I don’t know the man. I don’t even feel like I know the man. But for people in my and my siblings’ age groups, I think we all know him as Eddie.
Which is why I’ve been so happy with this assignment. Even though it’s just writing pieces for Spike.com’s Eddie Murphy: One Night Only subsite and creating animated gifs for the Spike Tumblr, it’s been a true freaking honor to assist – even in some small way – in promoting this special.
I got to watch the special over the past couple days and I can attest to the fact that it’s damn good, and that all involved should be proud of what came out. Eddie in particular should be especially proud, particularly given what guys like Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock, and others had to say about what he meant to them and so many others in comedy.
Anyway, make sure you go to Laughs on Lark tonight in Albany, NY at Elda’s on Lark – the show starts at 8pm and is only $5. I’m one of the performers and also am a regular co-host and co-producer. You’ll get more funny for less money, and definitely be home in time to catch the premiere of Eddie Murphy: One Night Only at 10pm (with a replay at midnight) on Spike.
What? I’m shameless, okay?
-or- THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T SEE SHIT HERE NO MORE
You’ll notice that this blog has been…well, sparse as of late. Mostly I just use it to remind people that I’ll be performing stand-up comedy, such as TOMORROW NIGHT!
Boo-yah! Gotcha. You can’t escape that shit. I’m too quick. I’m like a self-promoting comedy cat, springing out at you when you least expect it. You are a mouse in my jaws. Come out tomorrow night or I’ll tear you apart.
Anyway, here’s everything I’ve been working on, since people keep asking me to send them the links of the stuff I’ve been writing as if I somehow don’t have all this fucking work to do and because they can’t use Google, or poke around Spike.com for five minutes. I’m not bitter, honest. I’m just really hot in this office and cranky and on the man rag.
Also, if you’re on Tumblr, take a peak at KEVIN MARSHALL vs. THE INTERNET, which is for all intents and purposes my main blog now.
So here’s the articles. Please note that this doesn’t include stuff like me covering the releases of the iPad Mini, Call of Duty, Halo 4, etcetera and so on that are more time-specific/spec listings.
Articles for Eddie Murphy: One Night Only (premiering tomorrow night at 10/9c on Spike):
- The Many Faces of Eddie Murphy – a profile of Murphy’s wildly varied career, from SNL character actor to outrageous stand-up to family friendly film lead to Oscar contender.
- Let Your Soul Glo: Our 5 Favorite Moments from “Coming to America”
- Eddie Murphy’s Great 8 Film Performances
For All Access Weekly:
- Car Phones, Wrist Darts, and Jetpacks: Our 10 Favorite Bond Gadgets
- Gerry Duggan Talks Deadpool, Marvel NOW! & Brian Posehn’s Old Glove Smell
- Halo 4 Is Finally Here
- Brian Posehn On Deadpool: A Geek’s Dream Come True
- Disney vs. Star Wars – For All (4 Billion) Of The Marbles
- 10 Coolest Bad Guys In Video Game History
- Characters That Aren’t Cosplayed at Comic Con, But Should Be
- Five Great Superhero Dystopias
- The Secret Tattoos of Marvel Superheroes
- The Ninja Turtle Personality Quiz
- The Greatest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Villains Of All Time
- Recent Signs Indicate The Machines Are Taking Over
- R.I.P. Dead Tech
- The Internet National Convention
- Fabien Cousteau vs. Aquaman: Who’s the True King of the Sea?
- The All Access Weekly Geekathlon
- Dax Shepard Is Living The Dream
- Casting Sony’s Live-Action “Alf” Film
My Editorials for MMA Uncensored Live:
- Women’s MMA Doesn’t Need Your Approval, Fellas
- Farmboy Forever: Why Matt Hughes Is The All-Time Greatest Welterweight
- FightLimbo: How Zuffa’s Acquisition of Strikeforce Has Been a Disaster for Fighters
- Five Reasons Fight Fans Should Count Down to January 1st
- The Wrestling and MMA Overlap
- Legality, Ethics, and TRT
- Five Fights We Hope Don’t Get Cancelled
- Gone Too Soon: Fighters Who Retired (sometimes had to) Way Too Early
- Hail to the King (King Mo profile)
- Injuries in MMA Aren’t an Epidemic, They’re a Trend That Need to Be Addressed
- In Defense Of Jon Jones
- Ronda Rousey’s Armbar and the other Smoothest Moves in MMA
- On Classic MMA Rematches
- Dos Santos vs. Overeem Is Worth Waiting For
- No MMA In The Olympics
- Tito Ortiz: Five Hall of Fame Moments
- More Shows Demand More Stars
- The Naked Truth of Ronda Rousey’s Self-Promotion
- Is Jon Jones Next For Anderson Silva?
- Why Anderson Silva Will Dominate at UFC 148
- Chael Sonnen and Anderson Silva: Are These Guys For Real?
- Paul Daley & Brett Rogers: Bellator Courting Controversy
- Athletic Commission Ineptitude is Killing Boxing and MMA
- Why Carlos Condit Should Wait for GSP
- Kenny Florian and Five Guys Who Are (Probably Not) Retired
- Sonnen’s TRT Exemption Troubling for the Sport
- Three Fights Worthy of Ending B.J. Penn’s Retirement
- Uncertain Proving Grounds: Barnett vs. Cormier and Bellator 69
$10, 9pm. All proceeds collected at the door will go directly to the Alzheimer’s Association of Northeastern New York.
Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/397891530284787/
If we get enough people to show up, Alzheimer’s will be eradicated!*
* Note: going to this show will not actually eradicate Alzheimer’s.
All proceeds collected at the door will go directly to the Alzheimer’s Association of Northeastern New York.
Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/397891530284787/
For all its faults, CNN.com actually has a helpful list of ways to legitimately help with Hurricane Relief: http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/30/us/iyw-how-to-help-after-sandy/index.html
Folks: DO NOT collect food, clothing, or other materials without checking with an organization first like the Red Cross. Many of you might mean well, but you’ll just make more work for people down there collecting crap and bringing it down to the city.
Also: please get in touch with a legitimate charity organization first before planning any trips to New York to either help out or give donations.
Do not let arrogance and ignorance get in the way of relief.
Also here, from WNYC.org: http://www.wnyc.org/articles/wnyc-news/2012/oct/30/how-help-hurricane-sandy/
One of the main goals of the Spike gig and perks thus far (other than everyone I’ve encountered that works there – seriously, they’re all fantastic people and I’ve had nothing but great experience and interactions with them) is the ability to use that money to save up for a car.
I’ve been without a car for roughly…what is it, two years now? Maybe longer than that. It’s been a Hell of a crutch for me socially, since I live in an area with very limited public transit. More importantly, though, it’s prevented me from further pursuing my passion of stand-up comedy. Hitting the road has been a goal of mine for some time, but not possible because I don’t have a car. Some comedians can demand a few hundred for a bus and/or other travel accommodations. But they have significantly more than just a little over a year under their belt, so they can command that sort of thing.
Me? Not so much.
Not that I’m complaining, there are far worse things that could happen. There are far worse situations I could be in. I’m constantly aware of this, if only to keep myself from wallowing in the kind of despicable self-pity that I’m so apt to fall into.
I received another reminder this week with the devastation left in the wake of Sandy.
People who have known me for longer than a moment know that I love New York. I really, truly do. There’s something about that city that just makes me feel okay every time I’m down there, no matter what the circumstances. It helps that I have my brother, sister-in-law, and adorable nephew living in Park Slope and two truly great friends in midtown Manhattan, Brian and Marla, who provide me with a place to crash during my all too brief and infrequent sojourns.
Seeing the footage of Sandy struck me because, for the first time that I can recall, I recognized the flooded streets and damaged buildings. If not having direct memories, I have at least peripheral recognition of the stricken areas. Seeing what’s happened in Jersey is just as heartbreaking, because there is a sort of familiarity with it. New York and New Jersey have an intrinsic, symbiotic relationship in its population, architecture, culture, and architecture. It’s sort of unacknowledged, even denied at times, but it’s there. We will joke, poke, and prod, but we are sibling states.
And so, while I feel the crunch financially and had planned to at least start looking at vehicles within the next couple weeks, I’m putting those plans on hold for at least a little while longer.
All money I’ll earn from my work this week through Spike – running their tumblr (SpikeTV.tumblr.com), the Tumblr for All Access Weekly (allaccessonspike.tumblr.com), writing for the All Access blog (http://www.spike.com/shows/all-access-weekly/articles), and my editorials for MMA Uncensored Live (http://www.spike.com/shows/mma-uncensored-live/articles) – I will combine with whatever I’m paid for my gig this Friday night at the Upstate Artists Guild in Albany and donate it to the Red Cross’s Disaster Relief Fund.
You can help, too. I’m not asking you to do what I’m doing; what I do I’m doing because I finally, after years of living paycheck to paycheck (if that) can afford to do it. But even as little as $10 helps. You can donate by visiting the link above or make a $10 donation by texting REDCROSS to 90999.
You can also, in lieu of or addition to that, donate $10 to the American Humane Association which provides help and relief for victims’ pets in the form of food and shelter, by texting HUMANE to 80888.
Do it for New York and New Jersey, and all the other areas affected by Sandy. And also for all the other areas throughout the world that are helped by the Red Cross and their services.
- Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…
- Listen to me LIVE as guest co-host of Alternative to Sleeping tonight at 10pm!
- Realtors: “WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH” George Hearst III: “NONONOO SSSSHHH IT’S OKAY, it’s okay…here. Here’s a pacifier.” Kristi: “#oops.”
- Open Mic web series premiere tonight @ Lark Tavern
- Trust Me, You’re Going to Want to See This