Kevin Marshall's America
And, by extension, that probably means I hate America too.
I spent the first half of the Super Bowl doing some writing at Flavour Cafe in South Troy, going grocery shopping, and then doing laundry. Basically, I was the Anti-Man. You can commence in your attempts at emasculation, but remember: if you’re an adult who even occasionally wears a sports jersey, I am more man than you are and your wife/girlfriend would rather sleep with me.
"HUMANS! We have come to auto-tune your planet of its resources!" The Black Eyed Peas commence their audio onslaught at The Super Bowl. (Photo: The Associated Press)
I did get notice that for some reason that still escapes me, they read the Declaration of Independence as part of the pre-game. I guess…because…we’re in the United States? I mean, I guess it’s nice. I know the document, it’s important, blah blah. But football? I guess that means I should read it out loud every morning when I go to work, BECAUSE AMERICA.
Speaking of great American traditions, Christina Aguilera screwed up the national anthem. Despite the reaction online and around water coolers this morning, she’s far from the first to do so. Jesse McCartney did it before a NASCAR event in the Fall of 2009, and just last month The Eli Young Band botched it at the Chiefs-Broncos game. There was also the policeman in 2006, not to mention the litany of botches that have occurred at minor league sporting games.
Screwing up the National Anthem is a long tradition in our country, but I suppose this time it matters more because it was on a national stage. Even then, though, I’ve seen worse. All she did was skip a line. You think that’s bad? The aforementioned reading of the Declaration of Independence skipped entire sections of that document! But you don’t count that, I guess, BECAUSE AMERICA.
Plus, she’s a girl. A blonde one. Stupid dame.
All transgressions were forgotten, however, when the country came together at halftime to hate The Black Eyed Peas. True to their form, they were awful and should have been arrested for that. Bad things got worse when Slash came out and Fergie sang “Sweet Child of Mine” out of tune, then struck a series of poses that were supposed to be sexy but were about as alluring as a bowel movement. I’d say it was Slash’s worst moment, but I’ve actually heard Slash’s Snakepit.
And the commercials? No. They weren’t funny. They rarely are, really, but this year they were especially abysmal. For some reason they were even worse this year. There was this one commercial where I thought, my God, Sally Field looks absolutely terrible. That poor woman!. Then I realized it was Ozzie Osbourne.
The site Groupon decided it would be a good idea to make fun of the political turmoil in Tibet in a classless ad that could only have been topped had Twix decided to do a “need a moment?” spot starring a Jew in Nazi Germany.
CGI animation was prominently featured as well. Get ready for “Rio,” where annoying dancing birds are auto-tuned and Duran Duran is criminally absent, and “Mars Needs Moms,” where the CGI humans look ten times more frightening than the CGI aliens.
At one point in the telecast, someone turned on a fan in the booth and Troy Aikman got a concussion, which Joe Buck immediately diagnosed as spontaneous combustion. (Image via Wikipedia)
As for the game, God, I cannot wait for Fox not to have the Super Bowl anymore. From the insipid sideline ‘reporters’ giving us non-sequitir cliche-ridden quotes from coaches that commit crimes against the English language nearly as terrible as the crime the Black Eyed Peas committed against music to the awful commentary team of Troy Aikman and Joe Buck, it was less of a game than it was a tutorial on locating your mute button. Aikman at least has the excuse of brain damage; I’m not sure how Joe Buck can call as many football games as he has and still come across as ignorant.
Oh, and somewhere in this mess, the Cheeseheads won. Huzzah! Then they talked about all the “overwhelming obstacles” they overcame, like the handful of injuries that happens to just about every single team to ever win a football championship ever.
Know what? I’m not going to pretend anymore. The Super Bowl sucks. Next year I’ll just watch The Puppy Bowl for four hours. At least that way I’ll be comfortable knowing I’m not unknowingly rooting for felons.
Monkeys like to watch!
(thanks to Katherine for finding this).
I’m working on a few things that probably won’t get done, so here’s some brief tidbits to hold you over until Monday.
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When it comes to Kristi Gustafson and I, we just can’t let it go.
What’s “it,” you ask? I have no Earthly idea. Seriously, I’m at a loss as to what the problem is. It’s super weird. For the longest time I just ignored it, but that’s BORING.
Anyway, here’s the culmination of our latest “incident,” if you can even call it that. Maybe she’s just bothered by people who are far too amused with themselves, which I totally am. I mean, this is evidence of it right here.
Anyway, I always look forward to these bi-monthly exchanges of passive-aggressiveness. It’s sort of like a tradition. See you in March, Kristi! Shall we make it Facebook this time?
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Controversy erupted yesterday when the twitter account for designer Kenneth Cole tweeted the following:
Taking advantage of the chaos in Cairo to deliver a bad joke and sell product? Man, that’s dumb. It’s even worse than when Wendy’s used the Manson Family murders to promote their Sharon Tater Salad.
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Random Thing That Makes Me Unmanly: I’m far more excited for Turner Classic Movies’ “31 Days of Oscar” than I am The Super Bowl.
I do, however, appreciate the working class aspect of the two teams involved, particularly that both are named after prominent industries in their respective cities: the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
I think it’d be great if all teams did that. In fact, I might start a local sports league and make it a requirement that all teams participating do just that. Be on the lookout for the Cohoes Paper Rollers, the Delmar State Workers, the Troy Election Riggers, the Schenectady Drunkcops, and the Albany Menacing Guys at the Bus Stop!
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Speaking of terrible commercials, has anyone seen that one for Kay Jewelers where the military guy is skyping with his wife and refers to his eight-year-old son as his “wing man“? Is anybody else creeped out by the implication there? What happens if the parents split up, is he going to take his son out to help him meet women?
“Man, I am knee deep in it! SOOOO getting laid tonight. Thanks, son.” *hair rustle*
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UFC 126 is this weekend.
My picks are as follows: Miguel Torres over Antonio Banuelos, Jon Jones over Ryan Bader, Jake Ellenberger over Carlos Eduardo Rocha, Forrest Griffin over Rich Franklin, and Anderson Silva over Vitor Belfort.
On the undercard I got Cerrone, Mendes, and Yamamoto. And if Yamamoto doesn’t win and do so in convincing fashion, then as far as I’m concerned he’s done in this sport. Seriously.
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See you next week, buckos.
Well, folks, it snowed and we didn’t all drop dead. Which is good. To celebrate our newfound love and zest for life, why not do something different this weekend?
Tonight (Friday): First Friday in Albany. Plenty of free music, food, art galleries, and a lot more. Also, fellow local blogger and reader Alan Ilagan is curating an exhibit at the newly-renamed Pride Center on Hudson Ave. For a full list of events and participants, click here.
Tomorrow (Saturday): The Hellions of Troy vs. The Oz Rollergirls! Go cheer on my homegirls. Starts at 7:00pm at Rollerama. Click here for more info.
This week – Egypt, local music, and passive-aggressive comments from insecure egomaniacs. This…is Blogorama.
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WE’RE YOUR SOURCE: This Week on the Times Union Blogs
The Last Throes of a Dictator (Muslim Women)
Schadenfreude and Blogging (Chuck Miller)
Sean Rowe’s “American” Video Released (Arts Talk / Michael Janairo)
The Burden of Being Thin (Amanda Talar)
My Wife’s Top 10 Reasons She Loves Living Here (Daniel Nester)
100 Sled Dogs Killed (Dog-Owned Life)
Try Enforcement, Not 2:00am Last Call (Table Hopping)
More amazingness is after the jump.
“I thought I told you to make me SIX pieces of bacon.”
“Miss Rhett, I know who you are.” BUMMMMMM BA DA BA DUMMMMMMMM
Courtesy of Hulu and NBC Universal, below is the video of local band Phantogram, easily the most successful act to come out of the region in some time, performing live on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night.
Television doesn’t do their live performances justice, and while I like the track they played, there are even better ones on their debut LP “Eyelind Movies,” which you can purchase on iTunes and Amazon.
The Dakota, seen above, is perhaps the world's most famous apartment complex. Image via Wikipedia
One of the world’s most famous apartment buildings is being sued by one of its longtime tenants for racial discrimination.
The Dakota, an apartment complex in Manhattan which has housed celebrities for decades and is best known as the final residence of John Lennon before he was gunned down in front of the building in 1980, is being sued by Wall Street money manager and philanthropist Alphonse Fletcher. Fletcher, a former Board President, alleges the Co-Op Board refused to sell him an adjacent unit to accommodate his family because of his race.
The Board claims that it rejected Fletcher’s application based on financial documents he provided.
The lawsuit also alleges that the Board has made racial and ethnic slurs in reference to prospective tenants, including referring to one applicant as a member of “the Jewish mafia” and stating that another, a Hispanic applicant, wanted a first-floor apartment so that he could “buy drugs on the street.”
The latter is thought to be Antonio Banderas, who applied for an apartment with wife Melanie Griffith but was denied at the time the suit alleges the slurs were made.
It almost seems ludicrous to consider the possibility, particularly since Fletcher and singer Roberta Flack are longtime residents of the complex. We do need to keep in mind, however, that racism comes in various forms and is a sliding scale. It is rarely an all-consuming or extreme practice.
There also exists the possibility of tokenism. Presence of a handful of minority tenants may not necessarily indicate that race doesn’t play a factor.
Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith. Image via Wikipedia
The incredible wealth of both the plaintiff and defendants makes this an interesting case. Lawsuits alleging racial discrimination are a tough pill for a lot of Americans to swallow, since many would prefer to think that the bias doesn’t exist in practice. Add millionaires to the mix and you’re apt to be received with even more apprehension.
I will say this: we have an extra room in my apartment to rent out should Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith still need or desire an apartment in the Empire State. The rent’s a lot cheaper, too, and there’s no shortage of things to do in the area.
Know what? I’ll throw in the dresser we have, too. It’s a bit scuffed, but it’s free.
ALBANY FOR ANTONIO. Catchy, no?
Cute, that is!
My friends Adrienne and Dana recently shot video of their son, Adam, playing with their dog, Penny.
It’s so precious you’ll want to punch yourself in the face.
Image by eastscene via Flickr
Hey folks!
As a reminder, tonight the band Phantogram will play live on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. So stay up late and/or set your DVRs.
Despite all the buzz around them for several years (going back to when they were known as Charlie Everywhere), I just saw the band live for the first time this past Saturday at WEXT‘s Exit Dome 4.
They were amazing. I rushed out and bought their LP towards the end of their set, and fell in love with them.
If Phantogram were a cult, I’d have given them all my money by now.
The duo is originally from Saratoga Springs, and is poised to be launched into the stratosphere with the buzz this performance is sure to generate.
Don’t miss out.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon airs on NBC (local affiliate WNYT) at 12:38am EST.
Firstly, a big high-five to the other folks in the are who had today off because of our winter Hellstorm.
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Albany, you confound me.
NXIVM founder Keith Rainere, aka "Vanguard," who clearly hasn't developed a Christ complex or anything. (photo: Patrick Dodson, Albany Student Press)
At times, you act like you have inferiority issues. You treat Obama’s visit to announce an inconsequential PR “committee” to create jobs as if he’s moving the Capitol to Schenectady. Parts of Lark Street and the Center Square neighborhood have so much Williamsburgh envy it’s embarrassing. You even get movies to shoot here on the precipice that parts of Albany kinda look like New York City.
Yet there are things that we can lay claim to that very few areas in this country can. We’re the capital of New York State. Our region boasts no shortage of things to do and great places to eat. The music scene is exploding. The mayor of Albany itself has a darker tan base than any other mayor in the world, including those municipalities that rest on the Equator.
I could go on and on, but there’s one thing that sets us apart and makes us special…
We have our own…well, some people allege it maintains a certain unfavorable status in the community.
The group is called NXIVM and its founder, Keith Rainere – who is known to walk amongst members in a robe and whose followers refer to him as Vanguard – boasts self-improvement through droning business jargon, amateur psychoanalysis, and pseudo science.
The latest round of news hit the Times Union in Sunday’s print edition, which reveals more of the…well, utter strangeness behind the organization.
The reporter, James M. Odato, has done other pieces on the “self-improvement organization” that have brought forth questions as to the legitimacy of its claims, its practices, and what it really gives its followers.
Here’s more reading on the organization to get you through your snow day:
- Ex-NXIVM trainer: Students are Prey – A former trainer and one of Rainere’s ex-girlfriends gave sworn testimony claiming that Rainere’s and his organizations motives are not quite as philanthropic as they seem.
- NXIVM Sues Former Officer – The organization filed a lawsuit against one of its former members, who also happens to be Rainere’s ex.
- NXIVM Seeks Gag Order - Another former NXIVM member, this time an Executive Board member, was sued when she spoke publicly about the organization. Months earlier she’d sought protection from the onslaught of legal filings against her from the organization.
- Ex-NXIVM Student: I Think It’s a Cult (with video) – A former student talks of her time in the organization, and how she thinks she narrowly escaped an all-encompassing, manipulative cult.
- Secret Mission: a Child – In July 2010, it was discovered that NXIVM had made a child one of Rainere’s projects, having Nannies come in and only speak to the child in foreign languages and engaging in other experiments that are part of a NXIVM program called “The Rainbow Cultural Garden.”
- Dalai Lama Cancels his Visit to Albany - In November 2009, the Dalai Lama cancelled a planned visit to the Capital Region due to controversy that erupted due to the talk’s sponsor, NXIVM. The bad publicity prompted NXIVM to sue Metroland, the first of many legal attacks against opponents and critics.
STALK ME
