Kevin Marshall's America
Pictured: local blogger Kevin Marshall with the sort of smut he peddles. (photo: Alan Ilagan)
This past Saturday, I went to see “Beware! The Other Head of Science” – my best local band of 2010 – at the Troy Bike Rescue in downtown Troy.
About three-quarters of the way through their energetic set, one of its members addressed the crowd.
“Somebody told me Kevin Marshall is here,” he said. “But I haven’t seen him yet.”
Oh man, I thought to myself. What now?
The possibility crossed my mind that he wanted to give me a shout for the blog mention, but something told me that wasn’t the case and I felt as if I were transported back in time to a school assembly. Whenever somebody calls for you, particularly by your full name, there’s never good news associated with it.
“I’m here,” I said as I meekly raised my hand into the air.
“I was working at a middle school the other day…and they think your blog is porn,” he announced.
“…I’m sorry, they said it’s what?”
“Porn!” he said. “They think your blog is porn!”
“Hooray!” I exclaimed over laughter and cheering from the crowd.
They say that you’re nobody until someone has tried to censor you. If that old adage holds any semblance of truth, then I’ve finally made it. At first I felt pride in being a target, but when I got up the next morning I started to wonder: why does my blog come up as restricted due to pornography when people try to view it on the school’s computers?
It’s possible that they use filtering software that saw something out of context and decided it might be porn. It’s also possible, however, that a school teacher or administrator decided they didn’t want school children to see what’s written in this space and wanted to let people know they deemed what I write to be inappropriate, and do so in the most hyperbolic manner possible.
Whether it was an administrator, a teacher, or an ex-girlfriend, it’s clear that one of my blog posts got someone’s goat Or, if it was the software, something‘s goat. The machines are about to rise and I’m their first victim!
After some consideration and feedback from several folks on Twitter and Facebook, I’ve come up with a list of what I think could have practically been misconstrued or misinterpreted as pornography, as well as what comes up when you search my blog for porn.
Unintentional comedy courtesy my cousin Eileen, who relays a story involving her and her eight-year-old son Billy:
Jeff Pearlman is a writer and author of such books as The Bad Guys Won. If you follow me on Google Reader or follow my weekly link roundup (Blogorama), you’ll see his name pop up quite often.
Recently he shared a story about his sister-in-law, who goes to CUNY’s Baruch College. During Finals week, she contracted what sounds like The Christmas Contagion. Rather than stay home, she opted to tough it out and take the exam.
In the middle of taking the exam, she began vomiting in the classroom. Let me repeat: Vomiting in the classroom.
She went home and didn’t complete the test. A few days later she called her teacher to ask if she can take a makeup.
“You have to wait until the end of next semester,” she was told.
What?
“No exceptions.”
My sister-in-law called the dean, various other offices, etc. All said the same—she’d have to wait.
Outrageous.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine, except his illness was a bit more serious. We were in a class together when his health took a very bad turn that had him hospitalized for two weeks. Without disclosing too many details, complications had arisen due to a long-term condition and there was a stretch where things weren’t looking good.
After being released from the hospital and returning to campus, my friend approached this professor and asked to speak to him about an assignment that he missed handing in, yet still completed from his hospital bed. The professor, rather than asking to speak to him after class, proceeded to tell him in front of the entire room the same thing this Baruch College Professor told Jeff Pearlman’s sister-in-law:
“Sorry, there’s no exceptions.”
Mind you, he and the entire class were aware of the situation.
Continue reading »
Gamejak Dan gets several false starts on his story of the birth of Gamejak Jr. Though they start off wanting to discuss the miracle of his son’s birth and how happy it makes him, Johnny Hustle and Kevin Marshall instead foray into topics of sweet (professional) revenge, a film project Johnny’s involved with called Homeless Vampire(!), the local entertainment industry, movies, Yogi Bear and more.
Part 1 of a 2-parter.
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Jake Shields in his PETA advert
PETA has named UFC welterweight fighter and former Strikeforce Middleweight champion Jake Shields “Most Animal-Friendly Athlete.”
Shields, a lifelong vegeterian, was given the distinction at this year’s Libby Awards. Other vegeterian athletes in the running include fellow MMA fighter and boxer KJ Noons, Knicks forward Amar’e Stoudemire, and the WNBA’s Candace Parker.
In addition to the award, Shields has also appeared in various PETA online and print advertisements for the organization.
Shields is the consensus #2 Welterweight (170 lbs.) in the world and is a former EliteXC Welterweight Champion and Strikeforce Middleweight Champion, the latter of which he vacated when he left the organization to sign with the UFC. Shields is in his 11th year of MMA competition and boasts a resume that includes wins over Dan Henderson, Jason “Mayhem” Miller, Robbie Lawler, Paul Daley, Carlos Condit, Yushin Okami, and Hayato Sakurai. He is in the midst of a 15 fight win streak, having not lost a fight since December of 2004.
Shields is scheduled to face Georges St. Pierre for the UFC Welterweight championship at UFC 129 in April.
BELOW: Shields talks about being a vegeterian athlete for peta2.
Learn more about Jake Shields at peta2.com.
I took a bit of a hiatus from Blogorama! the last couple weeks because of the holidays. Who wants links when there’s all that food, fun, and merriment to be had?
But now we’re back, bitches.
What an interesting week, and not just here on this space. I know, I know, I can’t believe that there’s a world that exists outside this blog either, but it’s true! And it provided us with plenty of things to think about.
- Roberto Alomar and Bert Blyleven got elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Mark McGwire (not to be confused with our guy with a similar name) got his lowest percentage of votes yet. He’d have trouble getting in even without the PED scandal, as his career numbers are pretty underwhelming. I mean, consider what kind of a hitter he was and those two years he had, and he still ranks 79th in OBP. That stat was practically created for guys like him!
- Governor Andrew Cuomo gave his State of the State Address. Optimism level raised to “Cautious.”
- Gerry Rafferty, one-half of Stealers Wheels (“Stuck in the Middle of You”) as well as a successful solo artist (“Baker Street”) succumbed to a tragic and prolonged battle with alcoholism. Sadly it took his passing for me to finally purchase and listen to “City Life,” which is simply gorgeous and worth whatever the place you buy music will charge for it.
- President Obama will be visiting Schenectady on Tuesday. My contact at Fuccillo Hyundai informs me that, unfortunately, Billy Fuccillo will be in Florida opening a new Kia dealership next Tuesday and thus won’t be able to meet with the President. I am every bit as disappointed as you are.
- The Albany All-Star Roller Derby Girls have their season opener this Saturday at 8:00pm at the Washington Avenue Armory. Check out their site for more info.
- At the same time, Beware! The Other Head of Science will play a show at the Troy Bike Rescue with other great bands, also at 8:00pm. Roller Derby Girls and Beware Guys – if either of you you really loved me, you never would have asked me to choose.
- The City of Troy could use ten seconds of your time. CLICK HERE to vote in the Pepsi Refresh Grant and help revitalize downtown Troy. We can do this, guys!
And now…
Cold water, getting rid of cable, getting in shape for the New Year, and more. This…is Blogorama.
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WE’RE YOUR SOURCE: This Week on the Times Union Blogs
My Polar Bear Plunge Baptism (Funnies – Greg Aidala)
Investing in Public Safety (David Kaczynski)
Obama is Coming to Schenectady! (Schenectady blog – Will King)
The Time Warner Cord is Cut (Daniel Nester)
And She Went Into the Bedroom… (Chuck Miller)
Jumping the Gun – on Albany’s Proposed 2am Bar Curfew (Albany blog – Vincent Barr)
The “How Do I Start” Checklist (Real [Fit] Life)
“Bob’s Burger’s” Undercooked (Television – Glenn Teichman)
Dale Miller leaves Dale Miller Restaurant (Table Hopping)
…and they’re renaming it “Taste.” In that same vein, from now on “Kevin Marshall: In the Present Tense” will be known as “Blog.”
Cops Can Read Your Texts Without a Warrant (High School – Katie Marufucci)
New Year (Animal Rights – Nicole Arciello Berhaupt)
More amazingness is after the jump.
I’m not really a fan of mash-ups. At least, not in the sense that I can listen to an entire album of them.
There’s an undeniable skill and a craft to it, but I feel unmoved by them and more often than not, they just make me want to listen to the original song(s) instead. It’s sort of like when a dude with a guitar at a coffee house sings one of his originals that contains a lyric that references a Bob Dylan song. Tip to that dude: all that does is remind me that you’re no Bob Dylan and I’d much rather be listening to him than you.
Still, once in a while I’ll come across something that has a bit of cool novelty value. I wouldn’t pay for the mp3, but I’ll spend a few minutes (and perhaps repeat listens) with a smile on my face.
That said, here’s “Imagine a Jump.”
Imagine-a-jump-john-lennon-vs.-van-halen by jackstanleywp
Freaking wonderful.
From the makers of everything that’s wrong with America comes the latest fad encouraging people to not dress and act like adult human beings: Pajama Jeans.
These ugly atrocities are all the rage; or, at least, they’re all anyone can talk about. But ladies, as Your Dude here on the Times Union blog, I’m going to give it to you straight concerning Pajama Jeans.
Firstly, nobody’s going to be fooled. Maybe if they’re standing ten or twenty feet away, but then if they approach you for an adult conversation they’re going to notice you’re wearing these weird pajama pants that are dressed up to look like jeans. And no amount of butt-lift can restore the respect the other party loses for you.
Second-of-ly, not all good things can be combined to make something better. Sure, we like our jeans and pajamas are comfortable, but combining the two isn’t the answer. I like tomato basil soup and chocolate, but that doesn’t mean that if I mix the two I’m going to get a bowl of perfect delicious. Quite the contrary: what results is a terrible abomination and an affront to God.
Ladies, listen. I’ve already asked that we use 2011 to phase out leggings as pants. Now I’m BEGGING you not to engage in this fad.
Not even ironically. You’re only going to encourage the wrong type of people.
Gardner wins Gold in 2000 (Photo: Associated Press)
In 2000, Rulon Gardner competed at the highest level of his sport and won a Gold Medal for his country.
Eleven years later he finds himself in the competitive spotlight once again, and though he’s on the same network the circumstances couldn’t be different. In 2000, he was the Super-Heavyweight Gold Medalist in Greco-Roman wrestling and a hero to a nation that reveres its underdogs and stories of overcoming adversity.
Last night, on the 11th season premiere of “The Biggest Loser,” he weighed in at a stunning 474 pounds.
Rulon Gardner was an unlikely hero for the United States when he won the Gold Medal for Greco-Roman Wrestling (Super-Heavyweight Division) at the 2000 games in Sydney. His opponent, Alexander Karelin, had been widely considered the best wrestler at that weight in the world and was expected to walk through the tournament with ease. Karelin was so dominant that some opponents would verbally quit after being hoisted into the air rather than succumb to his slams.
Karelin had won three consecutive gold medals, possessed a flawless record of 59-0, and hadn’t given up a single point (!) in over six years. In contrast, Gardner was outsized, outmatched, and had far les experience, with only one prior international competition under his belt.
Gardner, who weighed 286 pounds for the fight, achieved the highest accomplishment in his sport and shocked the world when he defeated Karelin in overtime.
Gardner leaves his shoes on the mat after his Bronze Medal match in 2004, signaling his retirement. (Photo: Associated Press)
He became a hero for his victory on the world stage and his ability to overcome all obstacles and a personal tragedy. In 1990 he tragically lost his daughter in a car accident that also involved himself and his first wife.
After winning the gold medal in 2000, Gardner was involved in both a snowmobiling and motorcycle accident, the former of which resulted in the loss of a toe from frostibte.
Amazingly, he rebounded from both accidents to win Bronze at the 2004 Olympic Games, after which he ceremoniously placed his shoes in the center of the mat to signify his retirement from the sport. After the games he made a brief venture into Mixed Martial Arts, competing for Japan’s Pride Fighting Championships against fellow Olympian (in Judo) Hidehiko Yoshida in 2004. In what was his only professional fight, he won by Unanimous Decision.
After retiring from active competition, the weight began to pour on. In 2007, his health problems were exacerbated when he was a passenger along with two other friends in a small plane that crashed.
I don’t think I’ve watched a single episode of “The Biggest Loser” since its inception, but having followed Gardner over the years and having had my own struggles with weight (though not to the degree Gardner has experience), I’ll make an exception this season.
He’s proven before that he can overcome nearly all odds to become an inspiration to millions. With everything that he’s been through, it is impossible not to root for him.
A controversial edit of a cornerstone of American literature and culture could leave us stranded in a sea of context and misplaced intentions.
The hot pop culture topic du jour (though it might be more apt to preface that with “what should be”) this morning surrounds the decision by publisher New South Books to release a new version of Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
Normally a new print edition of Finn isn’t news, but this one in particular is different. This particular printing will omit the 219 instances of the n-word – a slur that I could argue the right to publish in full due to context but won’t in appreciation of racial sensitivity and common decency – and replace it with the word “Slave.”
So Jim, the character often referred to as [N-word] Jim in the text, will become Slave Jim.
Read the full story at Publishers’ Weekly’s website.
Twain scholar Alan Gribben leads the charge. Gribben, a professor of Literature and former head of the English Department at Auburn University at Montgomery, explains that his efforts aren’t intended to censor but rather open the book up to a younger generation of readers. The idea came to Gribben after he spent years making the edit himself when reading the book out loud to students.
For all the controversy, he has his defenders. Keith Staskiewicz with EW.com brings up a fair point:
On the other hand, if this puts the book into the hands of kids who would not otherwise be allowed to read it due to forces beyond their control (overprotective parents and the school boards they frighten), then maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.
It’s unfortunate, but is it really any more catastrophic than a TBS-friendly re-edit of “The Godfather,” you down-and-dirty melon farmer?
The original product is changed for the benefit of those who, for one reason or another, are not mature enough to handle it, but as long as it doesn’t affect the original, is there a problem?
Food for thought. But the negative consequences of such an action on the whole of humanity’s culture and history far outweigh any positive outcomes that could come of this practice.
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