This week on Mixed Marshall Arts

By On June 22, 2012 · Leave a Comment

As you may or may not know, I have another blog called Mixed Marshall Arts covering the world of combat sports & entertainment: MMA, boxing, and pro wrestling. Here’s a list of what’s gone down recently…

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The Best Albums of 2012 So Far (with videos!)

By On June 21, 2012 · 1 Comment

Just this afternoon I was actually thinking to myself on the bus (nearly out loud!) where the Hell is J. Eric Smith’s list of best albums of the half-year? And lo and behold, here it is.

Mine, for what it’s worth:

  • Fun. – “Some Nights”
    Super poppy and they tend to veer into territory of a glam/Queen cover band, but it works for this album.
  • Andrew Bird – “Break It Yourself”
    Not as ambitious as some previous efforts, but still gorgeous.
  • Gregory Porter – “Be Good”
    Smoothest album of the year. Porter has one of the most earnest voices I’ve ever heard.
  • Alcest – “Les Voyages de L’Ame”
    French ambient hardcore/metal. Tread carefully if that isn’t your sort of thing.
  • Cloud Nothings – “Attack on Memory”
    It took me a few spins, but I dig it.
  • The M Machine – “Metropolis Pt. 1″
    Not that big into electronic BGM, but this one is just the right blend of relaxed yet still engaging.
  • Adam Arcuragi – “Like a fire that consumes all before it…”
    Surprised Arcuragi isn’t a bigger star. Might be my pick for album of the half-year. Also, “President’s Song” is an incredible song.
  • Anais Mitchell – “Young Man in America”
    This might be my other pick. Really unique voice.
  • Crybaby – “Crybaby”
    From the outset (“I Cherish the Heartbreak More Than the Love That I Lost”), it’s so melodramatic it makes Morrissey roll his eyes. But it works.
  • The Menzingers – “On the Impossible Past”
    These guys are great. If I’d known they were playing Norther Li—ahem, sorry, “Upstate Concert Hall” (For fucking serious? That’s not a name, it’s a vague description!), I would have gone. They opened for Against Me! along with another band that sucked and threw a fit.
  • Will Johnson/Yim Yames/Anders Parker/Jay Farrar – “New Multitudes”
    More Woody Guthrie lyrics without music, this time penned by the four aforementioned. Really great stuff and a bit more adventurous than the beloved “Mermaid Avenue” editions (no disrespect intended towards Billy Bragg and Wilco; I still love those albums).
  • Santigold – “Master of My Make-Believe”
    The most punk R&B album you’ll ever hear. I think I’m in love.
  • Amadou & Mariam – “Folila”
    Mali exports mix genres with genre-defying artists like the previously mentioned Santigold, TV on the Radio, and more. On paper it looks like it’d be a mess, but the execution is brilliant.
  • King Tuff – “King Tuff”
    Is there a more fun glam rock send-up? If you’re going to do it, do it right. And he does.
  • Off! – “OFF!”
    An all-star hardcore lineup that works. Sort of like United Nations but with more street cred and better (and I actually really like UN).
  • Todd Snider – “Agnostic Hymns & Stoner Fables”
    The kind of thing I wish came out of Nashville more.
  • The Mynabirds – “GENERALS”
    When this one catches me in the wrong mood it’s unlistenable, mostly because of the choices made during production. But otherwise I think it’s quite brilliant.
  • Richard Hawley – “Standing at the Sky’s Edge”
    Proggy and psychedelic and singer-songwritery all in one.
  • PS I Love You – “Death Dreams”
    This took me a few spins, but once it got me it had me.

 

I’ve made the playlist, which I’ll be continually adding to throughout the year, available on Spotify: The Best of 2012 (So Far)

And/or get a quick taste from videos, after the jump.

Continue reading »

 

Kitty Pryde and Riff Raff are Here to Ruin Music Forever

By On June 20, 2012 · 1 Comment

Every time I think I’ve heard or seen the worst thing in the world, the internet pops up and is like “OH YEAH WELL HOW ABOUT THIS?!”

I don’t even have the words, except to say that this shit put me on the verge of a nervous breakdown like Michael Douglas’s character in “Falling Down.” It makes the Wrestlerock Rumble look like Deadly Combination.

Here’s my own rap:
My name’s Kevin Marshall AND I’M IN A RAGE
I want Riff Raff and I WANT HIM IN A CAGE

See the shit for yourself. If you dare.

 

“Prometheus” was Fine, You Miserable Bastards

By On June 19, 2012 · 7 Comments

"Ooooooo...prettyyyyyy!"

I saw “Prometheus” last night.

What the fuck were you all on about? It was fine!

It seems like all I’ve read about this film is how disappointed people were by it, or that they outright hated it. Sure, the dialogue was garbage and the character constructs were pretty lazy (“I’m here for the money” was an oft repeated phrase; show, don’t tell, guys). It also seems like it’s trying too hard to prove to you how smart it is. (That’s a problem with a LOT of sci-fi, though. They get unnecessarily defensive in anticipation of not being taken seriously and as a result end up creating plot holes, confusion, and an overabundance of pretension.)

Other than that? The film was breathtaking. Visually astounding. The cast didn’t have much to work with, but they were more than capable. Between this and “Snow White and the Huntsman,” I’ve officially added Charlize Theron to my list of future ex-wives. What an amazing human being. For all the roles and acclaim she gets, she’s still underutilized. That’s how good she is. Also, Fassbender is fantastic as the android David.

Anyway, you need to see this film and you need to see it in theaters. There are a handful of scenes that were so aesthetically pleasing that I nearly cried and peed myself at the same time. Far from perfect, but what do you expect? Apologies if it was the film that it was instead of what you specifically wanted it to be, which is…”Alien,” I guess? But that movie was already made! Three of them, in fact. So quit your bitching.

“Prometheus” is probably the most underrated film of the year. Go see it and decide for yourselves and don’t listen to people who go on and on and on about how disappointed they were because blah blah who gives a shit if it’s an actual prequel or not?

In a weird way I’m glad that my expectations for this were so low, because it probably allowed me to enjoy it more. But I can’t help but be pissed off and frustrated at some of the venom spit at this film.

So, to make up for it, here’s some things I don’t like that you probably adore. I hope it pisses you off. FEEL MY PAIN!

THINGS YOU LIKE THAT SUUUUUUUUUUCK

  • Radiohead after “Kid A” It’s great because they put soooo much work into it yet it’s so unlistenable! My pee is hard to drink, that doesn’t mean you should drink it just because I was extra careful to pee directly into the cup without spilling or wasting a single drop.
  • The Flaming Lips I guess they’re wonderful if you’re one of those people that gets a chubby for anything that revels in its own proggyness. And Wayne Coyne’s kind of a dick. Dude, don’t fuck with Erykah. She’s better at everything.
  • St. Vincent She’s okay but boy is that album dull. On a somewhat related note:
  • Iron & Wine and the litany of indie folk shit they’ve spawned Chill the fuck out with the reverb and please stop whispering and start actually singing. This shit’s getting out of hand and quickly becoming 21st Century Yacht Rock. Speaking of which:
  • 80s Music and especially Hall & Oates type Shit Remember when you were ashamed to be a Hall & Oates fan and didn’t revel in the irony like a dog rolling in another animal’s shit? I really, really miss that.
  • Empire Records It’s nothing like a record store and the music was nothing like what real people who love music listen to. And Liv Tyler!
  • People playing the ukelele and pretending it’s an actual instrument It’s fine if you’re fucking around at the house, but if you’re at so much as an open mic, it’s time for you to pick up and play an adult instrument.
  • Zooey Deschanel What is up with that iPhone commercial where she whines “Siri, is it raining?!” as she’s looking out at the rain and then tries to order tomato soup? Is she mentally defective?
  • The Departed Oh my God. Overacting up the ass, annoying accents, a stupid third act and an amazingly shitty final shot. Why do you like this movie so goddamn much? Is it that you just haven’t seen other (good) crime movies?
  •  That food truck you went to for lunch and blogged about Congratulations on liking cheap street food that doesn’t taste like hot garbage. It’s great that we live in a time that is exactly like every other time, but now we have instagram and twitter and blogs where people pretend this is somehow a revolutionary concept.

 

Charlize, you are wonderful.

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This week on Mixed Marshall Arts

By On June 15, 2012 · Leave a Comment

As you may or may not know, I have another blog called Mixed Marshall Arts covering the world of combat sports & entertainment: MMA, boxing, and pro wrestling. Here’s a list of what’s gone down recently…

Tagged with: • •
 

Fix the World Week: Support (Good) Local Music & Comedy

By On June 15, 2012 · 1 Comment

Welcome to Fix the World Week. Each entry this week will be devoted to making the world a better place.

For me.

——————-

I’m done, for the most part, with Fix the World Week.  It started as a fun little experiment that I decided to do on a whim, but what I tried to make a fun satire piece using a negative ranty style just turned into negative rants without the fun.

But before I put this completely out to pasture, I do want to leave you with one more mission: support good local music and good local comedy.

By that I mean good. Do your part to exercise some quality control. Don’t like what you saw? Don’t go back. There’s no need to frustrate yourself with something you don’t enjoy simply because it’s local. Simply being there/here was never enough, and it still isn’t, and it never should be.

But if you go to enough shows, you’ll find something. You’ll find new bands, new singer-songwriters, and new stand-up comics that you’ll enjoy. Then you can follow them and support them.

For my part, I’ll be putting on shows with these good local comics and, if this little experiment at the end of July works out, good local singer-songwriters as well.

So keep it tuned here. I’ll be promoting things you might like.

It’s going to be a good summer.

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Fix the World Week: Don’t Be Snarky Unless You Can Act and Talk Like an Adult

By On June 13, 2012 · 1 Comment

Welcome to Fix the World Week. Each entry this week will be devoted to making the world a better place.

For me.

——————-

One of the worst things about the Internet is that it’s convinced every single person that s/he is the most clever, exceptional, interesting personin the world. Twitter and the comments sections of news articles and blogs are filled with elitists without a pedigree, intellectuals without the intellect, and expert swimmers who have never been in a pool.

Worst of all, they’re really shitty about it.

A recent article from Scott Jordan Harris for The Telegraph (Let’s Drag Film Criticism Out of the Snark Ages) pretty much sums up my frustration with unnecessary and particularly undeserved snark.

Here are some situations where you cannot and should not get snarky:

  • You are making a statement or declaring something a fact that you actually aren’t certain about.
  • You use “FAIL!”
  • You end your own statements with “lol”
  • You shorten “you” to “u”, “your” to “ur” or any other type of unnecessary shorthand.
  • You’re deferring to authority and/or text that was written thousands of years ago by some guy that was just making that shit up as he went along.
  • Implementation of any other form of logical fallacy.
  • You have the word “dude” in your handle.

Note that I said some. There are many other scenarios where snark is not only inappropriate but can actually be self-defeating or embarrassing for you to use.

The long and the short of it is this: if you’re going to use snark, please exercise caution. Ask yourself “am I actually clever enough to be employing the use of snark in this scenario?” Because you’re probably not, and you’ll just anger people. After all, there are few things worse in this world than the willfully ignorant and the idiot who has himself convinced he’s anything but.

 

TONIGHT! Laughs on Lark: Farewell to Matt Kelly; Thomas Attila Lewis, William Hughes, Bill Nettleton

By On June 13, 2012 · Leave a Comment

 

It’s going to be a great show as we bid a fond farewell to Matt Kelly, who’s leaving us to pursue greater opportunities in the Big Apple.

As such, in addition to the comedians, Jaye and I will be roasting Matt along with various special surprise guests. Trust me when I say you won’t want to miss this.

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Fix the World Week: STOP LOOKING AT ME

By On June 12, 2012 · Leave a Comment

Welcome to Fix the World Week. Each entry this week will be devoted to making the world a better place.

For me.

——————-

Why the fuck are you staring at me?

I’m just sitting here trying to read my book on the bus/at the bus stop/in the coffee house/at the restaurant/in the park.

I want to enjoy the outdoors while also maintaining some semblance of solitude. The fact that I’m reading a goddamn book should let you know that I’m not particularly interested in interacting with an awkward stranger.

So why do you continue to stare at me as if you’re trying to figure out what I’m doing, like you’re some alien creature who is studying human beings and has not seen someone read yet? It’s not because I’m handsome, but it’s not because I’m weird looking either, because nine times out of ten you’re the one that looks strange, unpleasant, and/or disheveled. If anything I’m the one who should be staring at you closely to ensure you don’t make any sudden movements towards me.

Stop staring at me. Stop stretching and making that loud noise followed by “boy oh boy” or “man oh man” that is supposed to somehow pique my curiosity or elicit some sort of response from me. Why don’t you rip a big fart while you’re at it? At least that would be funny.

What book am I reading? Oh, it’s called Clearly He Wants to be Bothered By Strangers: A Guide to Interrupting People Enjoying Their Alone Time by You.

Look, I’m all about furtive glances and awkward smiles and shy sideways glances, but only if you’re a fairly attractive woman. But even if you are, I’m not interested in a staring contest or conversation (which, judging by you, would probably be far less interesting than a staring contest).

Just leave me alone and let me read my book in peace. For the love of God, stop staring at me.

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Fix the World Week: An Open Letter to Rich Hipsters Who Smell Fucking Awful

By On June 11, 2012 · 1 Comment

Welcome to Fix the World Week. Each entry this week will be devoted to making the world a better place.

For me.

——————-

Several weeks ago, I was at an art gallery in downtown Albany and became so ill by what was inside that I started dry heaving. I’m not exaggerating, I literally dry heaved. I stayed long enough to at least obtain a cursory glance at everything on display until I could hold out no longer and all but dashed full sprint towards the exit.

And the reaction wasn’t even from some of the duller offerings that came off as a toddler’s understanding of irony. Rather, it was the fucking. Smell.

It’s not as if a homeless person had walked into the room. Having grown up where I did and taking public transportation to get around for the better part of the last few years, I know homeless when I smell it. It has a unique scent all its own that, while unpleasant, also carries with it something that makes me empathetic towards their plight.

No, what I’m talking about is the smell of Hipsters who have the means at their disposal not to smell like that and should know better.

I don’t know why this is a thing. Honestly, I don’t. I suspect it might have something to do with taking a stand against the chemicals present in most deodorants. In which case, there are plenty of organic alternatives. And they’re cheap. Or it might be some sort of statement about wanting to return to a more natural state, in which case I’d also suggest you stop doing anything resembling participation in modern society and culture. At least in that case, you won’t be a hypocrite with a shallow worldview, but also and perhaps more importantly, I won’t have to smell you.

There’s just no excuse for it. And I know it’s on purpose, because this has just gotten worse lately and every one of you smelly fuckers I’ve encountered has either a decent paying job or a trust of some sort that’s keeping you in an apartment that should be occupied by better people that don’t subject others to their stank.

So I beg of you, dear God, please stop stinking up the galleries in Albany and Troy. Or, so help me God, I’ll start up a kickstarter to buy you all organic deodorant and deliver it, loudly and publicly, to your front doors.